Ugly Questions
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by bexxed 
I've read some of your posts, Bonami. Have you considered AlAnon? Often the best thing you can do as the "supporter" of a recovering alcoholic/addict is to take care of only yourself. If they drink, it's their choice. (unless you physically hold them down and pour it down their throat.) Figuring out why their problem is so important to you can be really helpful. Just a suggestion.
And you keep up the good work with your own recovery!
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It's only 12 days sober and already I've sat through bars twice. People say that they can't do that if they're alcoholics.
That really got my imagination fired up about being 'cured' I can tell ya
I'm glad you're smarter than I was
D
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Okay I'm now laughing too, but mostly at Dee's post - however it's so TRUE. Those are the most dangerous times, when we have one or a couple or none and nothing bad happens.
I thought I 'cured' myself with physical activities, really it was just a very effective way of 'distracting' myself. In the end, since I had not accepted I couldn't drink at all period, once I inured my ankle I suddenly reflected on just 'how well I'd done' over the past year to year and a half and how I no longer hung out with my old friends who drank alcoholically so I'll be fine hitting the wine bar after work til my ankle heals. In short time, I was a daily binge drinker again. This addiction is insidious, I'm happy to hear you've accepted the suggestions put forth about not hanging out in bars, especially in early sobriety. Good for you and congrats on making it through last night with your sobriety intact.
I thought I 'cured' myself with physical activities, really it was just a very effective way of 'distracting' myself. In the end, since I had not accepted I couldn't drink at all period, once I inured my ankle I suddenly reflected on just 'how well I'd done' over the past year to year and a half and how I no longer hung out with my old friends who drank alcoholically so I'll be fine hitting the wine bar after work til my ankle heals. In short time, I was a daily binge drinker again. This addiction is insidious, I'm happy to hear you've accepted the suggestions put forth about not hanging out in bars, especially in early sobriety. Good for you and congrats on making it through last night with your sobriety intact.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Gruff! Okay, yeah.
Originally Posted by bexxed
I think that failed taper is right, though, albeit a bit gruff. 
I have control over where I go or don't go. I could have said no. I'd told her I wasn't drinking, but not that I'm an alcoholic. She didn't pressure me to drink- she wanted a beer after the movie. A beer she didn't even finish. (what's the point??? lol) No one "did" anything to me there- I chose to go in and drink soda water at a bar at 12 days sober.
Not a bright idea at all. Granted, it wasn't my plan. Luckily, I've never really liked bars very much, which is why, if I have gone to them, I rarely remember later...
Thanks for responding, y'all.
I've read some of your posts, Bonami. Have you considered AlAnon? Often the best thing you can do as the "supporter" of a recovering alcoholic/addict is to take care of only yourself. If they drink, it's their choice. (unless you physically hold them down and pour it down their throat.) Figuring out why their problem is so important to you can be really helpful. Just a suggestion.
I have control over where I go or don't go. I could have said no. I'd told her I wasn't drinking, but not that I'm an alcoholic. She didn't pressure me to drink- she wanted a beer after the movie. A beer she didn't even finish. (what's the point??? lol) No one "did" anything to me there- I chose to go in and drink soda water at a bar at 12 days sober.Not a bright idea at all. Granted, it wasn't my plan. Luckily, I've never really liked bars very much, which is why, if I have gone to them, I rarely remember later...
Thanks for responding, y'all.
I've read some of your posts, Bonami. Have you considered AlAnon? Often the best thing you can do as the "supporter" of a recovering alcoholic/addict is to take care of only yourself. If they drink, it's their choice. (unless you physically hold them down and pour it down their throat.) Figuring out why their problem is so important to you can be really helpful. Just a suggestion.
I really care about how people do, and I see the same mistakes happening over and over again. It isn't for me to tell you what is a mistake, however.
It's just that I love to see people setting standards for themselves that build a basis from which to stay clean. And one of those is to create a safe environment for yourself, especially in the first few months in recovery when you are so tender.
So, yeah, I would hope that you just start taking an affirmative stance about where you will put yourself, and don't challenge your sobriety so much at this point. Challenges will come anyway that you have no control over. This one, however, is one under your FULL control.
FT
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Originally Posted by failedtaper
It's just that I love to see people setting standards for themselves that build a basis from which to stay clean. And one of those is to create a safe environment for yourself, especially in the first few months in recovery when you are so tender.
So, yeah, I would hope that you just start taking an affirmative stance about where you will put yourself, and don't challenge your sobriety so much at this point. Challenges will come anyway that you have no control over. This one, however, is one under your FULL control.
FT
Thanks for this, FT. Your original, gruffer
point was well taken, too. This IS all in my control, and taking the "it happened to me" approach is alcoholic thinking. I get it, got it, loud and clear. And tomorrow I have another work related alcohol event. The Monthly Staff Meeting. My plan: I will be having a "long drive" in front of me, so won't be able to go to the bar with everyone at the end of the meeting. Am noticing how much space alcohol takes in my work. Come to think of it, my last one on one meeting with my boss was at the bar, in the middle of the day. We each had two beers and went back to the office. Then, an hour later, he went back to the bar and I went home and probably got into the wine by myself. I'm so thankful to have different plans now.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Yes, alcohol is a frequent component of not just social but sometimes even work "environments". When I first quit drinking (>20 years ago), I had to make very deliberate efforts to not be in those situations, but I was in a profession with frequent celebrations I could not avoid. But there was always sparkling cider "for the kids", and I just asked for that instead of the champagne.
Eventually, nearby alcohol won't bother you at all.
I do find, though, that I just don't enjoy being around people in the process of getting drunk. I never used to notice how people would slowly change from normal, coherent humans into sloppy, word slurring ones, over the course of an hour or so. It is almost amusing how lots of people don't realize they are obviously impaired to someone else, including cops. Hey, I can't point any fingers when that used to be me.
But, when you aren't the one "enjoying" the buzz, it isn't particularly amusing to be around it. Since I don't enjoy it, I am not drawn to it, so it really takes no effort to avoid those situations for me anymore. And I am no prude, either. Ha!
Keep up the good work. As time goes by, you will appreciate your sober state more and more. I truly love that I never have to fear being out in my car near a police cruiser, or worry about when the liquor store closes. I could list more, but you'll see how many examples come to mind when you start realizing what freedom comes with not drinking.
FT
Eventually, nearby alcohol won't bother you at all.
I do find, though, that I just don't enjoy being around people in the process of getting drunk. I never used to notice how people would slowly change from normal, coherent humans into sloppy, word slurring ones, over the course of an hour or so. It is almost amusing how lots of people don't realize they are obviously impaired to someone else, including cops. Hey, I can't point any fingers when that used to be me.
But, when you aren't the one "enjoying" the buzz, it isn't particularly amusing to be around it. Since I don't enjoy it, I am not drawn to it, so it really takes no effort to avoid those situations for me anymore. And I am no prude, either. Ha!
Keep up the good work. As time goes by, you will appreciate your sober state more and more. I truly love that I never have to fear being out in my car near a police cruiser, or worry about when the liquor store closes. I could list more, but you'll see how many examples come to mind when you start realizing what freedom comes with not drinking.
FT
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