This thread doesnt even deserve a title
...is awesome!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 107
Originally Posted by Itchy 
I sincerely hope you find your compass and start going in that direction. What direction? The one you think you want to go in.
Once you start you can change course when you see the best direction. In relearning how to be human, perhaps your children are an asset too. You have the opportunity to grow with them. They will never know you were growing with them from scratch. In fact may love you all the more for it.
Once you start you can change course when you see the best direction. In relearning how to be human, perhaps your children are an asset too. You have the opportunity to grow with them. They will never know you were growing with them from scratch. In fact may love you all the more for it.
Originally Posted by Anna
Hi Liz,
I'm sorry you're feeling so low. When I was in early sobriety, I had no clue where I was going or what to do either. We had moved to a new city where the language was not English and left behind both of my kids who were in university, so instant empty-nest. There are two things that I would suggest. One is to stop struggling for a few moments and just 'be' with yourself. Somehow, in my new city, I did that, and I ended up finding a volunteer position that changed my life. The other thing is, don't give up on medication. I take antidepressants and have for years. They even the playing field for me, but it took several tries to get the right medication.
I'm sorry you're feeling so low. When I was in early sobriety, I had no clue where I was going or what to do either. We had moved to a new city where the language was not English and left behind both of my kids who were in university, so instant empty-nest. There are two things that I would suggest. One is to stop struggling for a few moments and just 'be' with yourself. Somehow, in my new city, I did that, and I ended up finding a volunteer position that changed my life. The other thing is, don't give up on medication. I take antidepressants and have for years. They even the playing field for me, but it took several tries to get the right medication.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
If you're feeling like you wish you've never been born, thats a pretty intense level of sadness - maybe you need more than a school counsellor Liz ?
Do you have a GP? Would you be comfortable talking with them and maybe getting a referral to someone?
Even if you've done it before I think it's worth considering again.
Adding something to the mix might help break the deadlock here?
D
D
Do you have a GP? Would you be comfortable talking with them and maybe getting a referral to someone?
Even if you've done it before I think it's worth considering again.
Adding something to the mix might help break the deadlock here?
D
D
...is awesome!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 107
I guess its sad, but its a reality for me, ive accepted it, so its more a frustration that im not capable of murdering myself than being sad that i wish i never existed. I just dont have that passion. I find it extremely hard to get my head around life. To me it is just waaaaaay to complicated and full of hard work and not the kind of hard work that gets you going places in life.
Ive made an appointment with my gp for tomorrow. dreading it. I know ill meet Mrs Palmer and I just dont know if im ready to meet yet again another one of her helpers. I know lots of people need help. but there really is no immediate help for people who are realllly realllly struggling to not tip over the other side. Dont worries though. I hate how i sound, i know its drear and drone. so sorry for that cos i know its probably annoying. ill let you know how i go
Ive made an appointment with my gp for tomorrow. dreading it. I know ill meet Mrs Palmer and I just dont know if im ready to meet yet again another one of her helpers. I know lots of people need help. but there really is no immediate help for people who are realllly realllly struggling to not tip over the other side. Dont worries though. I hate how i sound, i know its drear and drone. so sorry for that cos i know its probably annoying. ill let you know how i go
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 107
I hit this 9 month wall to. There should be a warning about this since I see it cropping up in posts. I went from feeling the numbest I ever felt to just plain RAW. I wish I could suggest a remedy. Shaking things up as much as possible does help. It might get kind of rough the next few months but it gets steadily better, slowly. I'm on month 14 now and there has been a great deal of improvement. I think it might be another stage in the healing ...
Good luck, your not alone on this one.
Good luck, your not alone on this one.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,941
I'm glad your here Liz, your writing, reaching out and finding come comfort here at SR community. That is a healing move.
I do know the feelings of just wanting to simply disappear. No motivation to do even the simplest of things. Dreading the moment I awaken to face yet another hopeless day of despair.
As much as I wanted it to end it all with my own hands, I also wanted to heal. Please keep reaching out for help. It was that reaching for help that finally did help me.
I do know the feelings of just wanting to simply disappear. No motivation to do even the simplest of things. Dreading the moment I awaken to face yet another hopeless day of despair.
As much as I wanted it to end it all with my own hands, I also wanted to heal. Please keep reaching out for help. It was that reaching for help that finally did help me.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
working on a plan that addressees this might help
noone ever seems to get anywhere with me when i go to those people i go in feeling two steps ahead, leave feeling 10 steps behind
I also wondered how telling yourself you are a failure is helping. It is one of the things that can keep us stuck.
Finding time for exercise and something creative has helped me
noone ever seems to get anywhere with me when i go to those people i go in feeling two steps ahead, leave feeling 10 steps behind
I also wondered how telling yourself you are a failure is helping. It is one of the things that can keep us stuck.
Finding time for exercise and something creative has helped me
Abnormally normal
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Wow Liz,
You just described how I've been feeling for some time now.
"I'm so unsatisfied with my life and who I am...btw, who am I?" "It's like I'm incapable of thinking/doing/wanting to do anything"
You took the words right out of my mouth.
I have no advice to give, as I'm on the same boat. I will however, send you a .
Sorry for what you're going through, but
Glad to see you're back.
You just described how I've been feeling for some time now.
"I'm so unsatisfied with my life and who I am...btw, who am I?" "It's like I'm incapable of thinking/doing/wanting to do anything"
You took the words right out of my mouth.
I have no advice to give, as I'm on the same boat. I will however, send you a
.Sorry for what you're going through, but
Glad to see you're back.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Liz if you are closed off mentally when you go to attend therapy or a meeting, you aren't likely to get much from it. Part of that could be the depression itself. Medication can take a few weeks to kick in, and it isn't a 'miracle'. It won't solve all that's in your life, that's for you to find the tools for, and that's part of the work of therapy. For me, it's also some lifestyle management, stress management, etc.
The self criticism in your post, the lack of motivation you are describing can be a sign of depression. I hope you keep working to find some answers.
The self criticism in your post, the lack of motivation you are describing can be a sign of depression. I hope you keep working to find some answers.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Wow, You sound exactly like I do alot of times. I really dont have much to add as I still suffer like that too. But I know mine is froma mental illness I have been ignoring and denying for years now. I am tired of acting like it doesnt exist. I hate the idea of haivng to mess with my body and mind by trying and taking different medications to stabaliz3 it. But I really have never given it a chance either. And I sure wasnt thinking about that when I was running the tsreets 24/7 using street drugs. So I think I need to at least give something that may help me a try.
I do know exactly how you feel. That numbness, Not wanting to exist, just running on auto pilot all the time. So blank and emotionless.
I was there a couple weeks ago. I had a meltdown right on this board.
I really dont have any advice. BUt just know you def are not alone. And please feel anyway you want here. Just keep reaching out. And talk all you want. Thats what we are here for.
I hope you feel better soon and find a solution to this. It is a hard place to be in your head. I hate it.
But the upside of my condition is it goes in the opposite direction eventually. But also eventually I go right back down there.
I have doing good for a coule weeks and I go see a pdoc for the first time next week. I am just so tired of the rollercoaster and feeling like that. I really cant take it anymore.
But good job for not drinking behind it. Thats really good. Alot of people feeling like that would have thrown the towel in. Just dont drink and keep talking to us.
(((HUGS)))
I do know exactly how you feel. That numbness, Not wanting to exist, just running on auto pilot all the time. So blank and emotionless.
I was there a couple weeks ago. I had a meltdown right on this board.
I really dont have any advice. BUt just know you def are not alone. And please feel anyway you want here. Just keep reaching out. And talk all you want. Thats what we are here for.
I hope you feel better soon and find a solution to this. It is a hard place to be in your head. I hate it.
But the upside of my condition is it goes in the opposite direction eventually. But also eventually I go right back down there.
I have doing good for a coule weeks and I go see a pdoc for the first time next week. I am just so tired of the rollercoaster and feeling like that. I really cant take it anymore.
But good job for not drinking behind it. Thats really good. Alot of people feeling like that would have thrown the towel in. Just dont drink and keep talking to us.
(((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Being a single mother of 2 year old twins is extremely challenging and time consuming. It's a full-on, 24/7, no rest for the caregiver situation. It's tough parenting. I feel overwhelmed many hours of each day with my parenting. They have so much energy, and no regard for others. They live to satisfy their incessant curiosity or hunger.
You have every right to your feelings, even if they aren't the way others want you to have them. You have a lot of courage and determination in doing your best for your children. You're right, it's not perfect. No one ever had perfect parents. Even the children of the wealthy complain about what they lacked as children.
There are no guaranteed parenting approaches.
Parenting is tough, tough, tough. And as a single mum of twins, it's even tougher.
You've discussed the things you've tried that aren't working.
Solutions that work for some people don't work for everybody.
What options do you feel may work to bring some comfort to you?
You have every right to your feelings, even if they aren't the way others want you to have them. You have a lot of courage and determination in doing your best for your children. You're right, it's not perfect. No one ever had perfect parents. Even the children of the wealthy complain about what they lacked as children.
There are no guaranteed parenting approaches.
Parenting is tough, tough, tough. And as a single mum of twins, it's even tougher.
You've discussed the things you've tried that aren't working.
Solutions that work for some people don't work for everybody.
What options do you feel may work to bring some comfort to you?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 129
I know how you feel. It really stinks. I am starting on this journey of recovery too. I too am a single mom who was recently widowed. It has been horrible. I feel the same despair you feel. I can totally relate to the guilt feeling of not knowing how to care for my kids. Well I know how but doing it is a different story. It takes ALOT of energy.
I really don't have much advice because I am in the same boat but it always helps to know that someone does understand.
I really don't have much advice because I am in the same boat but it always helps to know that someone does understand.
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