Spawn

Just curious?

I've noticed that most people are offended or take offence to the word alcoholic like it's this evil black mark on their name.

Why?

When I learned of my alcoholism I fealt a huge sense of relief and awareness of who I am and what I had to do to live a normal happy life. My alcoholism allowed me to escape the chains of addiction and enter a realm of hope and acceptance.

LexieCat

There's still some societal stigma and prejudice around the label "alcoholic". I'm like you, as much as I resisted the idea at first, accepting it was very freeing for me. OTOH, I don't go around announcing to people that I'm an alcoholic, unless there is a good reason for doing so. Some people would, indeed, hold it against me. I don't worry about someone "finding out" anymore, though.

Anna

I have no problem with the fact that I'm an addict, though I wouldn't use the word alcoholic to define myself. Like everyone, I have many facets. And, I think there is a lot of stigma attached to the word alcoholic.

Boleo

Most people think of an "alcoholic" as someone who has to drink every day. Few people think of some one who abstains for long periods as alcoholics. They just think of them as ex-drinkers. The hardest thing for normie's to grasp is the idea that some one who no longer drinks, needs to have a program to stay sober.

IMNSHO I prefer to describe myself as some one who no longer suffers from alcoholism. Even though I still have the organs of an alcoholic, the temptation to drink has long been gone. I now need a daily program to stay in fit spiritual condition. For me, sobriety is a byproduct of being spiritually fit. It is not even an ODAAT endeavor for me. I can go days or weeks without alcohol showing up on my radar screen. However, if I let selfishness, dishonesty, resentment or fear creep back into my life, I am liable to find alcohol attractive once again. Then I am a goner.

Zencat

Officially I know I have an addiction disorder. To call it I'm an alcoholic, addict, I am harmful substance dependent or whatnot. I feel free to discuss my illness among others in recovery or my medical providers, its no problem for me.

For all others, information about my illness its on 'a need to know basis'.

ETA

I don't particularly like labels of any kind. Too easy to define a person based on a word that people have all sorts of different definitions for.

I know I have a problem with drinking and I am unable to control it. Am I an alcoholic? I don't need to know yes or no.

I would just like to someday say "I used to drink" ...

Terminally Unique

I explained somewhat in my post on this thread:

Spouse Ashamed

Essentially, though, the moment you say those magic words, you immediately open yourself up to others' definition of "an alcoholic."

You have the people who view alcoholics as wretched sinners, and they will view you that way. You have, also, the people who have come to believe, largely as a result of the recovery group movement, that "once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic."

People literally interpret this to mean that alcoholics will "relapse" under certain special conditions (ie, "triggers"). In other words, even well meaning people will assume that you can't be trusted to stay sober. Society will actually discriminate against you. See, for example, this thread:

Wow, I'm the reason for workplace breathalyzing

Then there is the matter of all those "we's" - as in "we alcoholics are [liars/cheats/thieves/etc]" - many people believe these characteristics are "pretty accurate", and they will assume that you too, as "an alcoholic", fit the bill.

I also dislike the idea that if alcoholics don't do "X" they will relapse. Personally, I do not need any "program" to stay sober. Even though I have this annoying voice in my head telling me to drink all the time, which I doubt will ever go away, I will never relapse.

You could throw me in a jail cell full of cases of whiskey and beer for a decade, in isolation, and barring some ridiculous life-or-death Sophie's Choice scenario, I can guarantee that I would not drink it.

So, while on some level I do realize that, yes, I am "a pickle," by not saying the magic words and refusing the label, I avoid all potential problems.

Adisa1101

i like the way that you put this. it feels like people define you when they hear it. they see nothing but alcoholic. and theres way more to it than that.

Latte

I'm many different things. The most important one? I'm me!

In meetings or with MD's, counselors, etc. I'm an alcoholic/addict. With everyone else, I'm just me! Well, at the kids schools I'm "kids names" Mom.

Spawn

Wow sounds like I picked a good subject!

Admitting I was an alcoholic did not make me feel branded by some social stigma.
Admitting I was an alcoholic meant that I was taking personal responsibility for my actions.
People I encountered in groups taught me many things.....

How to keep an open mind.
How accept other peoples thoughts and feelings
How to let go of things I can not control
How not to worry about what other people think......and so on.

Denial is a process. Once post acute withdrawals settle down our thoughts calm, we tend to be a little less edgy.

Acceptance is a hard pill to swallow... but it is necessary in order to grow.

And yes......under the right circumstances an addict or alcoholic will relapse.
I have seen it happen too many times not to believe it to be true.
Addiction is a life threatening disease and it needs to be taken serious.


for your response I hope I haven't upset you I do hope you continue sharing I only want to share back.

Terminally Unique

This is good - taking responsibility. It is also good that you don't feel branded, but I'll point out an example from your own post as to how "admitting" (to others) usually leads to branding.

These are all fine things, and would generally make for a better adjusted person.

I am not "in denial", at least not in the sense normally used in recovery culture. I fully recognize that something was altered in my brain due to all the drinking I did. I suspect that daily all day whiskey drinking (often without any food!) for years might alter many people's brains, though.

Here you are making my case for me. You are projecting your own perception of "an addict" or "an alcoholic" onto everyone who would accept that label.

Unless someone puts a gun to my mother's head and says to me "drink this whiskey or she gets a bullet", I can't think of many situations in which I would drink. I will never drink again. I know it may be difficult for you to believe that due to your ideas about what "an alcoholic" is.

If I were to say "I am an alcoholic" and also say "I will never drink again" you might be tempted to "undiagnose" me and say "well, maybe you aren't a real alcoholic" or "maybe you aren't a Page 21 alcoholic", and getting into that circular reasoning is an exercise in futility.

Many things are life-threatening and need to be taken seriously, not just diseases. That said, I do take addiction seriously, which is why I have decided never to drink again.

You have not upset me. No worries there. Feel free to speak your mind.

Ranger

I'm not so much concerned with the scenarios I can envision as I am the unforeseen.

Ronf taught me that.

Spawn

alcoholism is the only disease that tells you
you don't have it.

Terminally Unique

So, out of thousands of diseases (6,000+ rare genetic diseases alone), and 12,000+ categories of diseases - there are probably a lot more than this - alcoholism is the *only one* that has this particular trait?

One out of tens of thousands, if not more? That sounds like a reason not to consider alcoholism a disease...

Spawn

so what I'm getting from this is the fear of what other might think....why is this so important?



a better question might be what these people think of us while we were in active addiction?

did the importance of what these people thought stop us from using?

yeahgr8

Yeah what a relief to be labelled something that applied to someone else apart from me...the laughable (now!) way that i thought i was unique and the snowflake of addiction/alcoholism was crazy and as long as i kept that mindset kept me far away from being able to recover...

Terminally Unique

How about this question - why is it so important to "confess" that you are "an alcoholic?"

What is gained from doing so? The way I see it, absolutely nothing. You either put yourself at the mercy of misconceptions by those who have no clue as to what ethanol addiction actually feels like, or you subject yourself to the endless moral authority of certain people.

As an aside, I have yet to find any recorded speech/share from either Bill Wilson or Dr. Bob at an AA meeting where they say "Hi, I'm Dr. Bob, and I'm an alcoholic" or "Hi, I'm Bill W., and I'm an alcoholic."

I searched fairly extensively, and it seems that this "I'm an alcoholic" business came about later. If anyone can actually find an instance of this from either man - not hearsay - please do post a link.

Terminally Unique

I recall reading Ronf's thread about his wife, as it did leave an impression.

Rough situation.

I hope he is doing OK, under the circumstances.

LosingmyMisery

a better question might be what these people think of us while we were in active addiction?

did the importance of what these people thought stop us from using?

I told myself I didn't care what other people thought, but deep down, I really did. I was embarrassed and ashamed to be a drunk. I hated what I was doing to myself and suffered guilt and self loathing. Was it enough to stop me from drinking? No. I drank until I was afraid of dying. Fear can be a great motivator at the right moments in time.

Spawn

Admitting we are alcoholic is the first step in learning how to be honest with ourselves and others