Dealing with my old band becoming successful
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Dealing with my old band becoming successful
A little less than four years ago, I left my band because I just couldn't handle it anymore. The shows, practicing, get-togethers, they all interfered with my drinking schedule. I was also a full-time student (well, theoretically) and working full time, and it was hard enough to stagger through those responsibilities, so the band got the shaft...
Well, fast forward to today. They've been signed to a label for some time now, released a couple albums working with a well-known producer, one of their songs is playing on ESPN, and they've been touring the country the last couple years with major acts. They were performing in Las Vegas last night. Las Vegas! I've always wanted to go there.
They released their second music video today. That was the big wake up call for me. I had kind of ignored their success until today. Now it's impossible not to think about "what could have been". I'm out on my ass, unemployed, broke, drowning in student loans, almost no friends, zero relationship prospects, constantly moving from place to place and yet going absolutely nowhere.
Seems like nothing is going right. Ever had that feeling before?! Thursday I'll be 5 months sober, so that's good. The longest I've been sober since I started using. I kind of want to move to a different city, get a job at Wal-Mart, fade into obscurity for the next 6 or 7 years, and then start figuring stuff out when I'm 30 or so. That sounds nice. Thanks for listening.
Well, fast forward to today. They've been signed to a label for some time now, released a couple albums working with a well-known producer, one of their songs is playing on ESPN, and they've been touring the country the last couple years with major acts. They were performing in Las Vegas last night. Las Vegas! I've always wanted to go there.
They released their second music video today. That was the big wake up call for me. I had kind of ignored their success until today. Now it's impossible not to think about "what could have been". I'm out on my ass, unemployed, broke, drowning in student loans, almost no friends, zero relationship prospects, constantly moving from place to place and yet going absolutely nowhere.
Seems like nothing is going right. Ever had that feeling before?! Thursday I'll be 5 months sober, so that's good. The longest I've been sober since I started using. I kind of want to move to a different city, get a job at Wal-Mart, fade into obscurity for the next 6 or 7 years, and then start figuring stuff out when I'm 30 or so. That sounds nice. Thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Hi Bill 
I've seen a lot of guys (and gals) I played with, or gave some help to, go onto to bigger and better things in music.
I could have gone on the ride with a few of them, but my drinking/drugging got in the way....
Today I'm kinda glad...cos I reckon the rockstar life, at any level, would have dispatched me off this mortal coil pretty quick.
I'm a good musician... but a lousy rockstar
My life, good and bad choices together, is what it is- and I kinda like where I've ended up and who I am
As I see it, the future is still full of endless possibilities for me - musical and not - and I'm sure it is for you too Bill...you're not even 30 yet, man!
The world is still very much your oyster, I think
D
I've seen a lot of guys (and gals) I played with, or gave some help to, go onto to bigger and better things in music.
I could have gone on the ride with a few of them, but my drinking/drugging got in the way....
Today I'm kinda glad...cos I reckon the rockstar life, at any level, would have dispatched me off this mortal coil pretty quick.
I'm a good musician... but a lousy rockstar
My life, good and bad choices together, is what it is- and I kinda like where I've ended up and who I am
As I see it, the future is still full of endless possibilities for me - musical and not - and I'm sure it is for you too Bill...you're not even 30 yet, man!
The world is still very much your oyster, I think
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hey now, you are way too young to start playing the "what might have been" game. Your story has just begun. You're five months sober, and that's a heck of a step toward finding your own form of success and happiness. Even if your old band strikes gold, that's no guarantee of living happily every after... just watch a couple episodes of VH1's "Behind the Music" and see for yourself.
My point is, life isn't a sprint, it's a marathon, and it's way too early to be picking winners and losers. You've accomplished something very impressive at a very young age. I think you can take a lot of pride in that.
My point is, life isn't a sprint, it's a marathon, and it's way too early to be picking winners and losers. You've accomplished something very impressive at a very young age. I think you can take a lot of pride in that.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Thanks Dee/RAA, I appreciate your comments. That is a good point, that success of any kind doesn't equate to happiness. With music (and other forms of art), that fact is often obscured by the romanticized struggles or outright deaths of its performers. In reality, they are affected the same way by substances as every other human being.
Thank you both for your wisdom, that is some really good and encouraging advice that I will be revisiting often in the coming days and beyond. Time for me to get some sleep now, thinking about Hamlet after the "mortal coil" reference!
Thank you both for your wisdom, that is some really good and encouraging advice that I will be revisiting often in the coming days and beyond. Time for me to get some sleep now, thinking about Hamlet after the "mortal coil" reference!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,888
Oh I can so relate. The "what if's" "I could have been" "had I just". Wow the possibilities of, if I just did, would have, could have, might have been, dammit I was on the fast track for some serious cash and notoriety.
Well it didn't work out for me so good. Dope got in the way of all my steed fast ambitions to be a major player in the underworld. Although a legit way to the good life is relate able to me.
Today I let it all go, sure the money, the power, the privileges that go with being on top of the game fade away into the reality of just having peace along my day to day living.
Today I don't miss a thing of what "could have been". I have something more promising that all the ambitions of my past could have delivered. I have peace and comfort in what I am today...jacked up...put through the ringer...and spit out sideways...Its all good...LOL....sober/clean.
Well it didn't work out for me so good. Dope got in the way of all my steed fast ambitions to be a major player in the underworld. Although a legit way to the good life is relate able to me.
Today I let it all go, sure the money, the power, the privileges that go with being on top of the game fade away into the reality of just having peace along my day to day living.
Today I don't miss a thing of what "could have been". I have something more promising that all the ambitions of my past could have delivered. I have peace and comfort in what I am today...jacked up...put through the ringer...and spit out sideways...Its all good...LOL....sober/clean.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 144
Originally Posted by billsaintjames 
A little less than four years ago, I left my band because I just couldn't handle it anymore. The shows, practicing, get-togethers, they all interfered with my drinking schedule. I was also a full-time student (well, theoretically) and working full time, and it was hard enough to stagger through those responsibilities, so the band got the shaft...
Well, fast forward to today. They've been signed to a label for some time now, released a couple albums working with a well-known producer, one of their songs is playing on ESPN, and they've been touring the country the last couple years with major acts. They were performing in Las Vegas last night. Las Vegas! I've always wanted to go there.
They released their second music video today. That was the big wake up call for me. I had kind of ignored their success until today. Now it's impossible not to think about "what could have been". I'm out on my ass, unemployed, broke, drowning in student loans, almost no friends, zero relationship prospects, constantly moving from place to place and yet going absolutely nowhere.
Seems like nothing is going right. Ever had that feeling before?! Thursday I'll be 5 months sober, so that's good. The longest I've been sober since I started using. I kind of want to move to a different city, get a job at Wal-Mart, fade into obscurity for the next 6 or 7 years, and then start figuring stuff out when I'm 30 or so. That sounds nice. Thanks for listening.
Well, fast forward to today. They've been signed to a label for some time now, released a couple albums working with a well-known producer, one of their songs is playing on ESPN, and they've been touring the country the last couple years with major acts. They were performing in Las Vegas last night. Las Vegas! I've always wanted to go there.
They released their second music video today. That was the big wake up call for me. I had kind of ignored their success until today. Now it's impossible not to think about "what could have been". I'm out on my ass, unemployed, broke, drowning in student loans, almost no friends, zero relationship prospects, constantly moving from place to place and yet going absolutely nowhere.
Seems like nothing is going right. Ever had that feeling before?! Thursday I'll be 5 months sober, so that's good. The longest I've been sober since I started using. I kind of want to move to a different city, get a job at Wal-Mart, fade into obscurity for the next 6 or 7 years, and then start figuring stuff out when I'm 30 or so. That sounds nice. Thanks for listening.
If it makes you feel better, I just about flunked my last quarter in college due to smoking weed every day of the quarter. I am lucky I was not kicked out of the school; I have one more chance, and I am intending to make it count.
The goal is not to beat yourself up, but to have a good plan and stick to it. If you need help doing so, then by all means seek it out. We *cannot* do everything alone...that is impossible. At the same time, I ask you: what does beating yourself up solve? It only breeds self-loathing and guilt, which hinders recovery and success. Don't forget what you've done, but move on and vow to make the most of what you can of what you have left.
We cannot undo the past, but we can prepare for the future. Years of counseling taught me that.
Best of luck to you.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
BSJ
How can you be certain that if you stayed in the band the result would have been the same? I am reminded of the movie "sliding doors" which gives two versions of the future for a girl based on wether she caught a particular train or just missed it. (great movie if you like chick flicks)
Play with the hand you have
How can you be certain that if you stayed in the band the result would have been the same? I am reminded of the movie "sliding doors" which gives two versions of the future for a girl based on wether she caught a particular train or just missed it. (great movie if you like chick flicks)
Play with the hand you have
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 122
There's a band here in the UK that got proper big. Won't mention names but they came from my home town and I was at school with the singer.
Within about 6 months of breaking, he was in a rehab centre screwed out of his mind on serious drugs and in a real mess. Success is a double-edged sword.
I know this is probably hard to take now but it is quite possible that, from the point of view of you sobriety, this was a lucky escape. And your sobriety is more important than anything else.
If you would be happy working at Wal-Mart, go for it. I know lots of people over here who work supermarket jobs and have happy, fulfilling lives. But it sounds to me like you have greater ambitions, you are just afraid to chase them right now in case you fail.
Keep on rocking.
Within about 6 months of breaking, he was in a rehab centre screwed out of his mind on serious drugs and in a real mess. Success is a double-edged sword.
I know this is probably hard to take now but it is quite possible that, from the point of view of you sobriety, this was a lucky escape. And your sobriety is more important than anything else.
If you would be happy working at Wal-Mart, go for it. I know lots of people over here who work supermarket jobs and have happy, fulfilling lives. But it sounds to me like you have greater ambitions, you are just afraid to chase them right now in case you fail.
Keep on rocking.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by billsaintjames
almost no friends
I am in a similar place to you at the moment, bit lost, feel like a disappearing act and feel like nothing is going right but I know for a fact it isn't because I gave up drinking - I think from your tone you recognise that too.
Everything will come good, you will find what you are looking for, it's just going to take time and energy on your part.
If you feel a move, and a new low stress job would help you or it appeals - go for it, who knows where you will end up
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
There's lots of good advice here.
It sounds like many of us have been through situations where we have regrets about things lost to us due to our addictions. I have had my share of those moments, but I am in a good place now and grateful for what I have.
Use your talent and your newfound sobriety to propel you into your future.
It sounds like many of us have been through situations where we have regrets about things lost to us due to our addictions. I have had my share of those moments, but I am in a good place now and grateful for what I have.
Use your talent and your newfound sobriety to propel you into your future.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I agree with all that's been said - especially tealvertigo's comment about beating yourself up only hindering recovery. I remained on square one for a long time, frozen and unable to get past the guilt and remorse I felt. Once I forgave myself and embraced what I still had left, I was able to continue on my path.
Bill - something better and more rewarding is probably on the horizon for you. I completely understand your frustration - and I'm glad you decided to talk about it. That's what I love about this place - we can put our concerns out there and receive so much valuable input from people who truly understand.
No Wally World for you, mister.
Bill - something better and more rewarding is probably on the horizon for you. I completely understand your frustration - and I'm glad you decided to talk about it. That's what I love about this place - we can put our concerns out there and receive so much valuable input from people who truly understand.
No Wally World for you, mister.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Thanks to everyone for your responses, I am very thankful that I will always have this advice to refer to. Hevyn, yea, this is the first time I have discussed this issue before. It feels good to open up about it. Again, thanks to everyone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
When I got out of rehab, I had a book published, an offer for a very high profile project, and a bunch other good things that I could not take advantage of.
It should have been the best time of my life, but it was one of the worst. I could not afford to feed myself and felt trapped. Early recovery is awful. You become aware of what you lost and see opportunities slip away.
But it does get better. I think back on those that time and realize that if I had the "success" I was poised for, I would have destroyed myself. The tough times kept me safe--I had no money for drugs or access to them. I needed that time away from all that.
Fading into obscurity for a year or two can be a good idea (6 or 7 years seems excessive). When you get back on your game you will know better how to deal with the success and failure and stress and joy that make up a life.
It should have been the best time of my life, but it was one of the worst. I could not afford to feed myself and felt trapped. Early recovery is awful. You become aware of what you lost and see opportunities slip away.
But it does get better. I think back on those that time and realize that if I had the "success" I was poised for, I would have destroyed myself. The tough times kept me safe--I had no money for drugs or access to them. I needed that time away from all that.
Fading into obscurity for a year or two can be a good idea (6 or 7 years seems excessive). When you get back on your game you will know better how to deal with the success and failure and stress and joy that make up a life.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
Emily Dickinson
"Life is a process of accumulation. We either accumulate the debt or the value, the regret or the equity." -- Jim Rohn
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
Emily Dickinson
"Life is a process of accumulation. We either accumulate the debt or the value, the regret or the equity." -- Jim Rohn
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Another Rohn fan! I used to listen to his stuff all the time. Now I am actually able to live it too. 
I am not really a fan of Dickinson but that poem struck a chord with me since I started playing guitar many years ago.
I am not really a fan of Dickinson but that poem struck a chord with me since I started playing guitar many years ago.
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