Squishyboots

I know I can only control myself. I've dealt with addiction in my family for years and know the toll. Yet I still started drinking in my mid 30's after another fall out with cocaine. I've quit them all but drinking. I know when there is a problem, but my husband thinks that's ridiculous. How do I possibly explain that going through a bottle of vodka a night between us is not normal? I guess I just have to be the one to stop. We both have given up drugs and nicotine. I'm amazed he can't see that this is just the final stop on this train that needs to end, especially for our babies. If I could run a few miles everytime I wanted to drink when I got off work, I would be able to run a marathon now...I guess tonight will be the first try!

Missy7

You try to get through the night and so will I. I've always been an alcoholic and my husband has known it. I'm a blackout drinker and he cannot stop me. In the past he used to try, but I've told him in the past year that he should no longer try because that shifts the emphasis to him. I need to take responsibility for this.

But he loves karaoke. So in order to be sure I don't drink i have to make him skip this great love of his. I asked that we not go both Wednesday and Thursday this week. His last opportunity is tonight. He has traditionally gone four days a week. Last week was only twice--and I am not yet strong enough not to drink in a bar. Go figure.

So both of us have to get through the night without drinking by leveraging our husbands. Let's check in tomorrow morning to verify that we made it.

Okay? Wanna make a pact?

Squishyboots

Deal - although I know my husband will drink tonight. He will have the kids by himself while I go to a show with a friend that is also a personal trainer and non drinker! But my husband has so much trouble watching a 2 and 3 year old I know he will just "take the edge off" as he always does...But I will be here tomorrow and you can I can only control ourselves! I'm tired of waking up feeling like crap... I'm here for you!

Missy7

Oh, let him drink. Good. If I'm home, I'm fine if my husband drinks. He's a lot more fun when he's had a couple. BTW, he is not an alcoholic or any kind of addict.

BTW, I had to quit meth a long time ago, so we share some knowledge about challenging quits.

I'm glad you have a friend to go out with tonight. That's great. I will be with hubby, but I hope to just get some big project going and ocd all night.

Cool. See you in the morning.

Squishyboots

I had quit meth as well - long line of addiction in this family. That's another reason for me to quit now - my babies need a fighting chance, the deck is already stacked against them...I'll see you in the morning!!! You can do it. :-)

Dee74

A lot of people here have spouses who drink, or spouses who don't get it, or spouses who - for whatever reason- are sometimes less than supportive....

You'll always find support here SB
Each one of us has our individual journey - but there's no need to do it alone

D

FNB3

If you are anything like me you might find that while pursuing and achieving sober thinking, many of the relationships that you had are going to change. Some people that you got along with and liked are no longer tolerable and some that you disliked or didn't understand are better.

I have a spouse that is not well and the closer I get to correcting the way I think the farther we drift apart and clash. It's a tough deal. I can't make anyone think the way I want them to so I do my best just to pray to God and worry about my own behavior.

bellakeller

It's sad, but sometimes people in our lives prefer us to stay drunk. It was a pretty horrible realization for me until I finally realized that others will never really understand what it means to be in so much pain caused by alcohol that we need to change no matter what it takes.

My husband still drinks. I had to get sober at all costs and despite whatever he was doing or how he felt. I would be dead if I hadn't made changes and I had to get sober whether he accepted that or not.

Missy7

FNB3--sounds challenging. I'm glad you are aware though. I sometimes wonder if I would abandon sobriety altogether if my spouse clearly wanted that. Just last night he commented (for the first time) about my "online" activities. That is all SR.

I honestly don't know what I might do if he pushes it. He would only do it in a tantrum and would take it back after, but it's hallowed ground to me and he had better tread carefully.

Missy7

Pretty avatar Sqiushy.

Fenris

Squishy, my wife and I used to drink together a lot and earlier this week, I was dealing with the fact that she's still drinking on occasion. She doesn't do it around me, and she has otherwise been very supportive of my sobriety, but it bothered me that she was drinking at all. It made me angry and resentful, and those two emotions are poison to an alcoholic.

I can't change her (or anyone), though. I CAN change how I react to things. My sobriety isn't dependent on anyone but me staying sober, so why should I let it bother me? My sponsor told me to look at things from her point of view, and when I did, I realized that I was being selfish; and being selfish is part of what got me here in the first place. It'd be great if the entire world would stop drinking as a show of support for me, but ultimately, it doesn't matter if every single person out there is drunk except me, I still have to stay sober. (sorry for being melodramatic, but I hope you see what I'm saying).

--Fenris

coffeenut

Maybe your husband doesn't want to believe you have a drinking problem because:

a) he does too....and doesn't want it to end?

b) he'll lose his drinking partner?

Do what you need to do for YOU. And, welcome to SR.

ANEWAUGUST

Hi there..
I ditto what Coffenut posted.

I am an alcoholic, and I am sober 18 months this go round. My husband still drinks. Is he an alcholic, no, I am pretty sure he isn't. He probably falls in the weekend warrior, problem drinker category.

I had to accept a few things in order to maintain my sobriety, and my serenity.

1. I can only change myself. Wether or not anyone else thinks I have a problem doesn't count.
2. I am powerless over alcohol, mine, his, everyone's elses, period.
3. I had to accept this to the very core of my being.

I also have to comment as a parent, that I know what is like to feel the need to drink while parenting/watching children. I lulled my senses into a slight buzz many times while with my children.

This is wrong on so many levels. If the adult in charge is drunk, and there was an emergency, they couldn't even drive, and shouldn't drive. So, I have to disagree with the comment "let him drink", as an alcoholic and a parent.

Wishing you well on your journey to sobriety...it isn't easy, but, it is worth it.

FNB3

I try to be kind, assertive and clear with my spouse about something like that. It's a far cry from the way I used to handle those incidents and when I handle them in a new and better way it either enrages her or deescallates her completely.

One thing is for sure is looking at someone in the eye and saying "I don't like when you say those things so stop" or telling them that "when you say that you hurt my feelings and I get angry" sure do have a lasting affect. It's like the spouse that was so manipulative and interwoven before has no idea how to react when you start changing years of patterned, unhealthy behavior and refuse to engage them.

Missy7

Okay Squishy--I'm here on Saturday morning. Sober. Stayed home last night, watched an awful movie so I played MahJong on here throughout. Worked out first thing this morning, took a shower, ready for Sober Saturday. You?

TwoJacks

My husband never thought I had a problem and still doesn't. I just don't drink cause I know I will regret it.

Eta, he doesn't drink anymore either, I told him if he didn't stop I'd leave him. He's a different kind of alcoholic than I but he still is one.