I just want one more night...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Beach, I didn't find your earlier post whiny and self indulgent at all. It was brutally honest, full of questions we've ALL asked ourselves, and justifications we have all lived by. Why else do you think this site has so many people on it? It's HUGE.
Realizing we have a problem is very very hard. I got very defensive at the beginning of my journey, and all the things that were suggested to me by my husband, family and friends made me pretty angry. How DARE they? But no matter how many times I told myself I 'deserved' to drink, or 'just one more night'...even 'just one glass of wine today', made me curl inside with self resentment. It never got rid of that dark nagging feeling inside that I just wasn't right. Unfortunately I would drink to get rid of it, hence the cycle that is so difficult to break.
I do hope you decide to stick around. There are many people on here who register, post often and continue to drink or use their drug of choice. Ideally we'd all be sober, all of us, but the reality is that it takes quite a while to be 'ready'. No one is castigated on here for NOT being sober - as long as we feel that it is your intention to do something about it at some point. And that's why little baby steps are so valuable. I do hope you decide to stay with us.
Now for a plan. Have a think about how it feels to not drink for a month. That's just 30 days. If it sends you into a total spin, and feel anxious, you need help. Hugs.
Realizing we have a problem is very very hard. I got very defensive at the beginning of my journey, and all the things that were suggested to me by my husband, family and friends made me pretty angry. How DARE they? But no matter how many times I told myself I 'deserved' to drink, or 'just one more night'...even 'just one glass of wine today', made me curl inside with self resentment. It never got rid of that dark nagging feeling inside that I just wasn't right. Unfortunately I would drink to get rid of it, hence the cycle that is so difficult to break.
I do hope you decide to stick around. There are many people on here who register, post often and continue to drink or use their drug of choice. Ideally we'd all be sober, all of us, but the reality is that it takes quite a while to be 'ready'. No one is castigated on here for NOT being sober - as long as we feel that it is your intention to do something about it at some point. And that's why little baby steps are so valuable. I do hope you decide to stay with us.
Now for a plan. Have a think about how it feels to not drink for a month. That's just 30 days. If it sends you into a total spin, and feel anxious, you need help. Hugs.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I can relate to your OP so well.
All I can share is that I couldn't get sober until I stopped viewing alcohol as a treat/indulgence. For the alcoholic it's neither.
Please stick around!
All I can share is that I couldn't get sober until I stopped viewing alcohol as a treat/indulgence. For the alcoholic it's neither.
Please stick around!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Beach,
We have all been where you are right now. It's scary to think about not drinking. The deal is, when you get to the point where you are (and we were), you are really out of options if you want to salvage your own life.
YOU NEVER HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY AGAIN. That was the message of hope that I got when I went into my first AA meeting. And know what? It was true. I never had another drink after that (almost three years now) and life keeps getting better. It never would have been possible if I had continued to drink. When you are an alcoholic (and, sorry to break the news, but it sure looks to me as if you are), drinking is a hundred percent incompatible with the possibility of happiness.
Stick around. I like AA, but there are other ways to get sober and stay that way. The important thing is to begin the journey and if the first thing you try doesn't work, try something different. It takes effort to change, but it is SO WORTH IT.
We have all been where you are right now. It's scary to think about not drinking. The deal is, when you get to the point where you are (and we were), you are really out of options if you want to salvage your own life.
YOU NEVER HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY AGAIN. That was the message of hope that I got when I went into my first AA meeting. And know what? It was true. I never had another drink after that (almost three years now) and life keeps getting better. It never would have been possible if I had continued to drink. When you are an alcoholic (and, sorry to break the news, but it sure looks to me as if you are), drinking is a hundred percent incompatible with the possibility of happiness.
Stick around. I like AA, but there are other ways to get sober and stay that way. The important thing is to begin the journey and if the first thing you try doesn't work, try something different. It takes effort to change, but it is SO WORTH IT.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Beach,
One more thing as you ponder your fate.
Don't confuse "not drinking" with "sobriety". They are not the same thing. You stated above,"...hence my few week sobriety..." Not drinking for a week is not the same as being sober. If that were true, everyone is sober in between each drinking episode.
Being sober is a state of mind as much as a physical state, perhaps more so. You don't want to be sober, or you wouldn't be romanticizing "... just one more night..."
None of this is intended to insult you or hurt your feelings. Far from it. I'm not sure why you came here, except for maybe you wanted a wakeup call. Someone else besides your own mind to say to you, get real. I read all the posts, and everyone spoke from the heart and out of true concern for where you are headed.
You also keep speaking of how young you are. You do understand that is a rationalization, right? Most of us started young. Most of us wish we had stopped drinking long, long ago. Alcoholism is not a disease of the elderly, or the immoral person, or the street person, or that other guy.
All of us understand why you continue to drink, and none of your rationalizations matter to us in the least. It is that they matter to you that counts.
One day you will realize that alcohol doesn't give you freedom; it is alcohol that is keeping you from being free.
I hope you keep coming back, too. Don't worry about what anyone thinks. We don't know you, and we don't even know where you are. That is the beauty of an anonymous forum, the ability to speak freely.
One more thing as you ponder your fate.
Don't confuse "not drinking" with "sobriety". They are not the same thing. You stated above,"...hence my few week sobriety..." Not drinking for a week is not the same as being sober. If that were true, everyone is sober in between each drinking episode.
Being sober is a state of mind as much as a physical state, perhaps more so. You don't want to be sober, or you wouldn't be romanticizing "... just one more night..."
None of this is intended to insult you or hurt your feelings. Far from it. I'm not sure why you came here, except for maybe you wanted a wakeup call. Someone else besides your own mind to say to you, get real. I read all the posts, and everyone spoke from the heart and out of true concern for where you are headed.
You also keep speaking of how young you are. You do understand that is a rationalization, right? Most of us started young. Most of us wish we had stopped drinking long, long ago. Alcoholism is not a disease of the elderly, or the immoral person, or the street person, or that other guy.
All of us understand why you continue to drink, and none of your rationalizations matter to us in the least. It is that they matter to you that counts.
One day you will realize that alcohol doesn't give you freedom; it is alcohol that is keeping you from being free.
I hope you keep coming back, too. Don't worry about what anyone thinks. We don't know you, and we don't even know where you are. That is the beauty of an anonymous forum, the ability to speak freely.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Not drinking for a week is not the same as being sober. If that were true, everyone is sober in between each drinking episode.
Well, actually, failed...you are technically sober in between drinking. Sober means
abstinence from consumption of alcoholic liquor or use of drugs. Everytime you aren't drinking you are heading onto that path of sobriety. It is up to you if you continue on the path or not decide to drink. Sobriety is any length of being sober.
IMHO
Well, actually, failed...you are technically sober in between drinking. Sober means
abstinence from consumption of alcoholic liquor or use of drugs. Everytime you aren't drinking you are heading onto that path of sobriety. It is up to you if you continue on the path or not decide to drink. Sobriety is any length of being sober.
IMHO
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Okay then, I'll accept a technicality.
Not that it really matters how we define it.
So if I drink at 5 o'clock on Monday afternoon, and I have another drink at 6, does that mean I am "sober" between 5 and 6? Or do we start counting sobriety after the blood alcohol count drops to 0.079?
Technicalities aside, I would submit that sobriety is INTENTIONAL abstinence from drinking over time, with the INTENTION of not resuming it. My point was that just because someone isn't drinking for any period of time, if their intention is to resume drinking, then they are not sober.
I only take issue with the term because "sobriety" is a desirable state for the nondrinker to achieve, and some never get there.
Look. Bickering over semantics does nothing to help the OP. If that is what this thread is going to degenerate to, you can count me out.
FT
Not that it really matters how we define it.
So if I drink at 5 o'clock on Monday afternoon, and I have another drink at 6, does that mean I am "sober" between 5 and 6? Or do we start counting sobriety after the blood alcohol count drops to 0.079?
Technicalities aside, I would submit that sobriety is INTENTIONAL abstinence from drinking over time, with the INTENTION of not resuming it. My point was that just because someone isn't drinking for any period of time, if their intention is to resume drinking, then they are not sober.
I only take issue with the term because "sobriety" is a desirable state for the nondrinker to achieve, and some never get there.
Look. Bickering over semantics does nothing to help the OP. If that is what this thread is going to degenerate to, you can count me out.
FT
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 426
I often felt that way too. I wanted time to "myself' and I thought I could get that by drinking to oblivion. I wanted "me time" and drinking was something I could control, when I felt evrything was out of control. I felt like it was a reward for living life how I should and being a great Dad, husband, and provider. It was my last ditch stab at trying to "stay young" and party like I used to. I used every excuse I could to justify my BAD drinking patterns, that looking back were certainly classified as alcoholic. I took the online test, and halfway through it I knew what I was. I knew that it came to a point where I needed to stop, and get help. I started seeing an addiction therapist and coming here, as well as stopping drinking, getting helthy again, and getting family support. AA is not for everyone, I am trying to avoid it (only time will tell if this is only another ploy by the disease to allow me to drink again), so get some help. I think you made a great start by coming here, being honest with yourself, and reaching out. The rest is up to you. Do you want a hand or not?
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