Murray4x5

We're renovating our basement, and as I was an hour into pulling up old glued down underlayment this morning, I found myself smiling.

11.75 months ago I would have been hungover. I would have been pi$$ed off because I have to drive somewhere this afternoon, so I couldn't start drinking heavily again until after 6:00 pm. I would have been emotionally numb to my wife.

Alcoholism leaves you living between your last drunk and your next drink, and that space just keeps getting tighter and tighter all the time until it crushes you. When there is no next drink, you're free!!

Today I felt light, unencumbered by a sucking weight, happy to see incremental progress because it was all good work towards a distant worthy goal.

Thought I'd pop into the newcomers forum and share that little realization

susanlauren

Murray,
That glued down underlayment can be miserable to get up. I give you lots and lots of credit for smiling, because if it were me, I would be swearing up a storm by now. Been there, done that, and I would not want to have to do that again. Great attitude. Good luck on your basement remodel.
Susan

Adisa1101

i am having a hard time finding the enjoyment in the simple day to day things. it feels very routine and empty at times. not saying that i had this incredibly exciting life when i was drinking. it was a whole lot lonelier and depressing. but how come it seems the people who dont drink and can keep sobriety seem to be having a great time? theyre genuinely enjoying life. i want to find the enjoyment in life with sober eyes. thats my goal.

Zebra1275

Alcoholism leaves you living between your last drunk and your next drink, and that space just keeps getting tighter and tighter all the time until it crushes you.

A very good description!

Murray4x5

Based on my experience, it comes with time. I didn't go looking for it either, it just started happening more and more often. Life still throws up hurdles, don't get me wrong, but it sure is a heck of a lot easier to manage at almost a year sober.

Hang on to your sobriety...it's worth the struggle in the beginning...and it's true when they say it gets better as time goes by.

lushly

Alcoholism leaves you living between your last drunk and your next drink, and that space just keeps getting tighter and tighter all the time until it crushes you. When there is no next drink, you're free!!

I really related to this statement. I cleaned blinds at my work today. The custodians don't do blinds, I guess and they needed it. I found it meditative and rewarding. When I was drinking 51 days ago I wouldn't have felt the need or went in on my own time to do it. Now I feel good about it because I am not hungover, drinking or waiting to drink again. Which were all blurred together at the end. NO time in between anymore.

LaFemme

Brilliant post Murray!

Adisa...one of the things that helped me a lot in the beginning (and today too) was looking for gratitude, especially when you aren't feeling very grateful.

I check into the Gratitude section of the forum 2x a day, for morning and evening gratitude. I find reading what others are grateful for and finding something (anything) to be grateful for in my own life.

When I was drinking I used to get angry at people who were sober and happy, I wanted it to and it seemed impossible and out of reach. And now I'm one of them.

You can be too

leo21

That right there is a very powerful statement if I ever saw one. 100 % true.

thx for posting that!

Enchantedhorse

I Just joined this program today.I started drinking 5 years ago and have been wanting to recover for the last three years. My life has become intolerable. I want it to be good again. I started drinking when all of my children grew up. They were my life, and I took pleasure in taking care of them. I was happy. I want to be happy again. I know that drinking is killing my mind, my body and my soul. I don't know what to do about detox? I cant afford rehab, and I am scared that if I go for three days there will be serious ill effects.

LaFemme

Hi Enchanted and welcome to SR...there is a lot of good advice and knowledge here. You can be happy again

Ypu mighy want to start an inyrodiction thread...its a great way to get the advice you need

grateful101010

Enchantedhorse: You replaced your children with drinking, and now you have to replace the drinking with something else, although not in an addictive way. You sound like a kind person who has a lot to give, and this world needs so much help from someone like you. Channel your energy to something more worthwhile than killing yourself with booze.

michelle01

It can take awhile Adisa, don't judge your own sobriety especially at the beginning, we all have our crappy times at that stage.

As has been said, gratitude exercises can help, as alcoholics we become attuned to seeing or pointing out the bad in things, or I know I did. It was another reason for poor me to drink!

Look after having a well rounded recovery, you will find that contentment in sobriety is possible, it tends to be a byproduct. I never thought it would be possible, but I get rewards now from the seemingly simple, mundane things that I never could from drinking/using. Things most people probably take for granted, I am now so appreciative for, because my whole life used to revolve around my habit, I couldn't really see outside of it - how much I missed! Most of all, I am grateful now for the freedom I have from the obsession that once ruled my existence. Alcohol eventually turned against me in every possible way, everything it promised, it ultimately stole.

Mcribb

sometimes sobriety sucks, but I have no choice but to go forward, so I grit my teeth through it. Drugs and booze were my God that regular type stuff/weekends is going to feel Meh, but it isn't about me anymore, it is about how I can help others and get the most out of life. Every once awhile a moment comes along that is ahhhhhhh, or I get some hope and that is enough fuel to go to another AA meeting to reinvest in sobriety

coffeenut

Alcoholism leaves you living between your last drunk and your next drink, Yep!

Okay....I'm just reading replies....so I'm editing to add that a lot of people surely agreed with your comment, Murray. Great Thead!

Adisa1101

michelle,
thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. powerful stuff. much appreciated.

topspin

Love the whole concept of "incremental progress" toward "a distant worthy goal"

There's some real satisfaction in the "process" , huh !?!

See parallels with recovery. Or metaphoric.


sweet

tomdecel

I often said that I feel 100 lb lighter for stopping. The baggage that came with my drinking is gone. The hiding, lying, pretending was like an anvil that was weighting me down.

Every day when I wake up I can think of so many things to be happy about and so many things to be pi$$ed off about. I'm not a naturally *happy* person, but I really do think that with a little bit of work, happiness can be an acquired skill.

Simple things like smiling at strangers can go a long way.

Congrats on the 11.75 months Murray.