Can't seem to change the one thing which worsened my drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
Can't seem to change the one thing which worsened my drinking
I'm a bit over 1 month without drink and generally, things are going well.
But I have been thinking this through a lot the last couple of weeks, trying to understand what drove me to such extremes of drinking so that I can make changes for the better.
The conclusion is that the business I built and ran is the single biggest contributor to stress in my life and the stress is what drove me to drink, more stress, hit the bottle harder to smooth it out.
I have tried to make changes to the way my business runs including down sizing it, getting a personal cell so I can switch the work one off at weekends but I still find it playing on my mind all the time. I used to love the job but growing the business and dealing with the problems which came with that including staff have totally taken the shine off it.
When I last spoke to someone about it two weeks ago, I had extremely strong urges to hit the bottle - I managed to get through the night but it wasn't pleasant. A reminder of how much it subconciously affects me.
All this leads me to the conclusion I need to change this aspect, start afresh to help me continue to recover. If I don't, I fear I will end up relapsing sooner than later. It's that bad some days/weeks (every day?).
I went for an interview at a company around 1 month ago and I did get offered the job which was fantastic. Accepted it too. But the company in question is the subject of a major acquisition and the new owner has asked for a head count freeze until the acquisition completes.
This has been on and off for the last three weeks and will eventually be resolved early July but there is always a chance of the new company not wanting to continue with the recruitment. To be honest even the ups and downs of "you have the job" "oh wait, maybe you don't" have been really tough.
If it doesn't work out, it would leave me stuck back here doing the same old.
Being self-employed, I can't take time out of work to have a break since I can't afford it, I have to provide for my family. To change job would be great but employment opportunities are really in low numbers in the UK at the moment.
Stuck, on a giant roundabout and that worries the hell out of me.
Sorry for rambling, thanks for reading, just needed to write my thoughts down - I don't have anyone who understands that I am comfortable to talk to and I don't want to worry my wife.
But I have been thinking this through a lot the last couple of weeks, trying to understand what drove me to such extremes of drinking so that I can make changes for the better.
The conclusion is that the business I built and ran is the single biggest contributor to stress in my life and the stress is what drove me to drink, more stress, hit the bottle harder to smooth it out.
I have tried to make changes to the way my business runs including down sizing it, getting a personal cell so I can switch the work one off at weekends but I still find it playing on my mind all the time. I used to love the job but growing the business and dealing with the problems which came with that including staff have totally taken the shine off it.
When I last spoke to someone about it two weeks ago, I had extremely strong urges to hit the bottle - I managed to get through the night but it wasn't pleasant. A reminder of how much it subconciously affects me.
All this leads me to the conclusion I need to change this aspect, start afresh to help me continue to recover. If I don't, I fear I will end up relapsing sooner than later. It's that bad some days/weeks (every day?).
I went for an interview at a company around 1 month ago and I did get offered the job which was fantastic. Accepted it too. But the company in question is the subject of a major acquisition and the new owner has asked for a head count freeze until the acquisition completes.
This has been on and off for the last three weeks and will eventually be resolved early July but there is always a chance of the new company not wanting to continue with the recruitment. To be honest even the ups and downs of "you have the job" "oh wait, maybe you don't" have been really tough.
If it doesn't work out, it would leave me stuck back here doing the same old.
Being self-employed, I can't take time out of work to have a break since I can't afford it, I have to provide for my family. To change job would be great but employment opportunities are really in low numbers in the UK at the moment.
Stuck, on a giant roundabout and that worries the hell out of me.
Sorry for rambling, thanks for reading, just needed to write my thoughts down - I don't have anyone who understands that I am comfortable to talk to and I don't want to worry my wife.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
It sounds like you know that you need to change your job and to put yourself in a less stressful environment. Hopefully the job that is waiting for you will come through. In the meantime, why not continue looking and see what's out there? This could be a good opportunity to make a positive change in your life.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Changing our life circumstances is sort of like the "geographic cure"--whereever we go, we still have US to deal with.
The business may be stressful, but it doesn't MAKE you drink. And getting rid of it won't cure your problem if you are an alcoholic. Stress can hit in any area of life--family members get sick or die, relationships hit the skids, natural disasters happen.
What are you doing to change the way you DEAL with stress?
The business may be stressful, but it doesn't MAKE you drink. And getting rid of it won't cure your problem if you are an alcoholic. Stress can hit in any area of life--family members get sick or die, relationships hit the skids, natural disasters happen.
What are you doing to change the way you DEAL with stress?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Coffs Nsw
Posts: 80
Woowaa... I appreciated this post.. ur giving sobriety a shot.. I commend that.. I dont know ur business but do u have someone there u can talk with?? for me I had to walk away from the business...but got out ahead of the game..if that makes sense
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
Thanks for your comments, it's appreciated.
I would definitely agree that I struggle to deal with stress at times.
The thing is, I don't struggle to deal with family stresses, money stresses and so on or at least i don't recognise that.
It's a pretty long story so I'll trim it but I have built the business up over 7 years and to be honest it has been a long hard slog.
In the last year, in summary I have dealt with :
- Abusive, threatening behaviour from one staff member towards my family - this guy came to my home, nasty calls, threats - bad to the point the police had to be involved and 10pm I was installing security cameras to my house for peace of mind
- Theft - I have had at least one member I know of stealing time, fuel, materials from me
- Incompetence - we are still putting jobs right and to date have spent the last two years profits putting right jobs done in the last 12 months by two individuals who no longer work for me
Now, I am not daft and I realise that my bad management accounts for most if not all these problems and dealing with it by drinking only allowed it to drag on and worsen but that is a legacy I am left with.
Combine that with 1 remortgage and enough credit cards to fill a suitcase all required to fund the remedial works and you have some insight into where I am right now.
I was probably a bit soft before, more accurate I think is I really hate the job!
I don't really know where my point is going, I just have in the back of my mind that if this new path doesn't work out, I have some pretty big issues to deal with and i'm not prepared for that.
Just trying to understand better. One thing I do know is it's better thinking about this stuff without a drink. A positive!
I would definitely agree that I struggle to deal with stress at times.
The thing is, I don't struggle to deal with family stresses, money stresses and so on or at least i don't recognise that.
It's a pretty long story so I'll trim it but I have built the business up over 7 years and to be honest it has been a long hard slog.
In the last year, in summary I have dealt with :
- Abusive, threatening behaviour from one staff member towards my family - this guy came to my home, nasty calls, threats - bad to the point the police had to be involved and 10pm I was installing security cameras to my house for peace of mind
- Theft - I have had at least one member I know of stealing time, fuel, materials from me
- Incompetence - we are still putting jobs right and to date have spent the last two years profits putting right jobs done in the last 12 months by two individuals who no longer work for me
Now, I am not daft and I realise that my bad management accounts for most if not all these problems and dealing with it by drinking only allowed it to drag on and worsen but that is a legacy I am left with.
Combine that with 1 remortgage and enough credit cards to fill a suitcase all required to fund the remedial works and you have some insight into where I am right now.
I was probably a bit soft before, more accurate I think is I really hate the job!
I don't really know where my point is going, I just have in the back of my mind that if this new path doesn't work out, I have some pretty big issues to deal with and i'm not prepared for that.
Just trying to understand better. One thing I do know is it's better thinking about this stuff without a drink. A positive!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi! I will put my 2 cents in.
Everything stressed me and was a trigger when I drank...at one month very little other than my attitude had changed. The stresseas were all still there but I was dealing with them. At first I handeled the stress by dissassociating myself from them. Gradually as I got stronger I started to deal with my stress factors one at a time. By dealing with things I removed the stress.
I'm almost at a year and in my life there are still things that I would have called triggers a year ago. Money continues to be a problem. I have debt. I am also self employed and work two jobs...yada yada yada. None of this causes me to relapse.
Good luck!
Everything stressed me and was a trigger when I drank...at one month very little other than my attitude had changed. The stresseas were all still there but I was dealing with them. At first I handeled the stress by dissassociating myself from them. Gradually as I got stronger I started to deal with my stress factors one at a time. By dealing with things I removed the stress.
I'm almost at a year and in my life there are still things that I would have called triggers a year ago. Money continues to be a problem. I have debt. I am also self employed and work two jobs...yada yada yada. None of this causes me to relapse.
Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by LaFemme 
At first I handeled the stress by dissassociating myself from them.
Thank you for your 2 cents
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I understand how stressful things are and how you wanna drink, but you and I and your family and everyone here knows that slinging back a few won't make anything better. All the same issues will be there, the only difference is you will be less equipped to address them. So, keep coming here and getting the junk out, and getting encouragement to stay sober.
If you can find some support closer, take advantage of that as well.
You are doing a great job, it's not easy, but you ARE dealing with these things, and in a new and better way than you used to, instead of drinking, you are looking at the situation with perspective and figuring out some new, better approaches. Results may not be instantaneous, but they are real and will make themselves evident.
If you can find some support closer, take advantage of that as well.
You are doing a great job, it's not easy, but you ARE dealing with these things, and in a new and better way than you used to, instead of drinking, you are looking at the situation with perspective and figuring out some new, better approaches. Results may not be instantaneous, but they are real and will make themselves evident.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Woowaa, I had a business, too. We did sell it to move but I do understand what you are talking about.
All the problems you posted can be remedied. Right now, they know you are not in charge or control and its easier to be a bad employee rather than a good one. 90% of employees steal from their employers -from a paper clip to tools, fuel and most of all TIME. I had one employee that would go to the store for the company and buy gum, etc on our bill and it would take her half the day. She also forged a check to pay her rent.
The key to organizing your company is structure and guidelines. Employees need to know the rules and follow them. Make guidelines of appearance and behavior.
Upon hiring, I would ask them what they are worth. If they said $5., then that's what you'll get and don't expect more. They will run your company into the ground with bad workanship. If they say they are worth $20 then they are setting higher standards and the work expected is to reflect that pay. People know what they are worth.
Give them a 3 month timeframe with a formal evaluation after the 90 days. Most employees 'let their hair down' and reform to old bad habits after this time. The first month they strive to be a model employee...if given a chance they will fire themselves saving you the hassle and spending the money to fix their mistakes.
We ultimately 'hired' a mentor company to be structured after. It was expensive and I cringed writing the check but it produced results and we made enough in cash to move.
The image of your company is very important and employees should be held accountable in holding up that image and reputation -it reflects YOU. If your employees are sloppy it is reflected upon you that you run a sloppy company. You can make it work and eventually pay off your debt and run a smooth ship if you take charge.
Good Luck with your decision.
All the problems you posted can be remedied. Right now, they know you are not in charge or control and its easier to be a bad employee rather than a good one. 90% of employees steal from their employers -from a paper clip to tools, fuel and most of all TIME. I had one employee that would go to the store for the company and buy gum, etc on our bill and it would take her half the day. She also forged a check to pay her rent.
The key to organizing your company is structure and guidelines. Employees need to know the rules and follow them. Make guidelines of appearance and behavior.
Upon hiring, I would ask them what they are worth. If they said $5., then that's what you'll get and don't expect more. They will run your company into the ground with bad workanship. If they say they are worth $20 then they are setting higher standards and the work expected is to reflect that pay. People know what they are worth.
Give them a 3 month timeframe with a formal evaluation after the 90 days. Most employees 'let their hair down' and reform to old bad habits after this time. The first month they strive to be a model employee...if given a chance they will fire themselves saving you the hassle and spending the money to fix their mistakes.
We ultimately 'hired' a mentor company to be structured after. It was expensive and I cringed writing the check but it produced results and we made enough in cash to move.
The image of your company is very important and employees should be held accountable in holding up that image and reputation -it reflects YOU. If your employees are sloppy it is reflected upon you that you run a sloppy company. You can make it work and eventually pay off your debt and run a smooth ship if you take charge.
Good Luck with your decision.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
We all have reasons and excuses to drink or that we did drink. Some things and circumstances are things we can change in sobriety, some are not. The thing is, none of them is the real reason we drank the way we did. We drank because we are alcoholics, it is what we do.
If you cannot change a situation in your life, you have to learn new ways to handle it. There is no problem big enough that alcohol cannot make worse. It may seem like an easy, quick fix to stress, but it surely is not if you are alcoholic.
You are only a month into recovery. What you need to do is learn new ways to handle the stress of life. It will never go away, even if you get a new job. You can always come up with reasons to drink. Focus on the reasons to NOT drink, and learn to cope with life as it hits without using alcohol.
Welcome to the ride of sobriety and recovery!
If you cannot change a situation in your life, you have to learn new ways to handle it. There is no problem big enough that alcohol cannot make worse. It may seem like an easy, quick fix to stress, but it surely is not if you are alcoholic.
You are only a month into recovery. What you need to do is learn new ways to handle the stress of life. It will never go away, even if you get a new job. You can always come up with reasons to drink. Focus on the reasons to NOT drink, and learn to cope with life as it hits without using alcohol.
Welcome to the ride of sobriety and recovery!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 711
If your business is growing and you are having success, perhaps you might think of hiring an assistant under you to create a buffer? In this way you can remove yourself from some of the uglier parts of running a business.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
The conclusion is that the business I built and ran is the single biggest contributor to stress in my life and the stress is what drove me to drink, more stress, hit the bottle harder to smooth it out.
As an alcoholic, I reacted to stress by medicating myself with alcohol. In the 12-step program of AA that I use, I have learned how to identify stress and how to respond to it, rather than react to it. I have learned to eliminate unnecessary worry. I have also learned how to solve problems without a lot of emotion and fear.
I do recommend the 12 steps as a very good way of navigating your way through the stresses of life. If you don't want to try AA, there are of course non-faith based programs like smart, etc. Whatever you choose, I would definitely recommend a program. It sounds like you are white knuckling your way through sobriety, alone, and feeling overwhelmed by your problems in life. A program can really help you reach the point where you feel confident and prepared to meet life's problems without stressing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by littlefish
It sounds like you are white knuckling your way through sobriety, alone, and feeling overwhelmed by your problems in life.
The more replies I get from you all, the more I realise that I have things I need to deal with personally.
I need to explore this more since I no longer want to medicate through alcohol as you perfectly put it.
It is becoming clearer, I am thinking I just need to select a path to continue recovery because yes, to date I have stopped and maintained sobriety almost alone, my only support being you guys.
I have dealt with the symptom (drinking) but not the causes...
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