first AA -- didn't feel right
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
first AA -- didn't feel right
i just came back from my first ever meeting.
perhaps i am jumping to conclusion too fast, but the whole thing just didn't feel right for me. i couldn't identify with the speaker and even some nice people whom i've met afterwards.
overall, i had a feeling that it simply wasn't for me. everyone told me to keep coming back, to give it more time (and that makes perfect sense)... i just don't know if this is something that i can be comfortable with. the whole atmosphere felt a little depressing and was more of a reminder to drink than not to.
how many people were able to quit without attending meetings?
i feel like going to the gym (where there's obviously no alcohol) or simply for a run does a lot more for me than any number of meetings ever would.
however, at the same time, it makes me question why i have relapsed so many times in the past? is it because i didn't have the right support? or i simply didn't "wake up" to realize that i do have an unmanageable problem, and moderation is not an option for me.
in some way i feel that posting here gives me more of a relief and support, than any meeting would...
perhaps i am jumping to conclusion too fast, but the whole thing just didn't feel right for me. i couldn't identify with the speaker and even some nice people whom i've met afterwards.
overall, i had a feeling that it simply wasn't for me. everyone told me to keep coming back, to give it more time (and that makes perfect sense)... i just don't know if this is something that i can be comfortable with. the whole atmosphere felt a little depressing and was more of a reminder to drink than not to.
how many people were able to quit without attending meetings?
i feel like going to the gym (where there's obviously no alcohol) or simply for a run does a lot more for me than any number of meetings ever would.
however, at the same time, it makes me question why i have relapsed so many times in the past? is it because i didn't have the right support? or i simply didn't "wake up" to realize that i do have an unmanageable problem, and moderation is not an option for me.
in some way i feel that posting here gives me more of a relief and support, than any meeting would...
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 484
These feelings are quite normal.
More than anything, meetings are a place to meet new sober friends. Which is extremely beneficial. Because who would you likely hang around with otherwise? People you drank/used with.
I agree: I like going to the gym. It helps me a lot.
And I've left meetings feeling like drinking. But sometimes I've left meetings feeling MUCH better than I did when I went in.
Some meetings are better than others. It gets better with time, as well.
Don't give up on meetings so soon.
More than anything, meetings are a place to meet new sober friends. Which is extremely beneficial. Because who would you likely hang around with otherwise? People you drank/used with.
I agree: I like going to the gym. It helps me a lot.
And I've left meetings feeling like drinking. But sometimes I've left meetings feeling MUCH better than I did when I went in.
Some meetings are better than others. It gets better with time, as well.
Don't give up on meetings so soon.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Serious,
I think you should do whatever works for you. I don't use AA, but many find it helpful. I think support is important for recovery, and I have found support here at SR to be wonderful. I began to take long walks after supper (a difficult time for me) and found that so helpful on many different levels. I have learned that for me, balance is the key.
I think you should do whatever works for you. I don't use AA, but many find it helpful. I think support is important for recovery, and I have found support here at SR to be wonderful. I began to take long walks after supper (a difficult time for me) and found that so helpful on many different levels. I have learned that for me, balance is the key.
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
I felt the exact same way so many times. After not being successful at so many attempts to do things my way I realized the things that didn't quite feel right were probably just exactly what I needed. I'm an addict/alcoholic with an illness in thought and what is comfortable/normal to me is often the worst thing to do or a path back to using.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
I can honestly say that after over a month of attending "open discussion" meetings - mostly Women's groups that I have never left a meeting wanting to drink. You say there was a speaker? We only have speakers once a month. Are there different meetings in your community? If there are I would check them out.
I always feel badly when a meeting isn't beneficial for fellow Alcoholics.
I always feel badly when a meeting isn't beneficial for fellow Alcoholics.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Union Bridge, Md
Posts: 3
What you are not is unique. Many have had the feelings you have had. Why did you go to a meeting? Whats the Problem? Can you beat it by youself? Also, there are a bunch of meetings out there. If the group you went to depresses you then try some different meetings. AA is about growth. Some meetings can be bitch sessions or "pity party" meetings. Look for groups embracing positive values and growth. Support is the key if you find you cannot quit drinking on your own.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
thank you all for the quick replies. i honestly don't want to give up quick, i might come back another day (one problem is that the timing really conflicts with my job, unfortunately i cannot leave work to go to a meeting... maybe only once in a while).
i am grateful that i have people around me who would never force me to drink, and even those that i used to get drunk with completely understand and support my decision. one of my best friends, who i constantly drank with... and who was around to give me moral support over a pretty rough weekend actually said that it may not be a bad idea for him to "take a break". i was shocked. guess my mineral water looked too appealing for him
it's raining a little, but i am about to go out for a light jog/walk (still not enough strength to do much else)... but still it's a great way to fight anxiety and get the spirits up. any sort of exercise has never failed me in this area, that's for sure.
i am grateful that i have people around me who would never force me to drink, and even those that i used to get drunk with completely understand and support my decision. one of my best friends, who i constantly drank with... and who was around to give me moral support over a pretty rough weekend actually said that it may not be a bad idea for him to "take a break". i was shocked. guess my mineral water looked too appealing for him
it's raining a little, but i am about to go out for a light jog/walk (still not enough strength to do much else)... but still it's a great way to fight anxiety and get the spirits up. any sort of exercise has never failed me in this area, that's for sure.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Well, I looked at it this way...nothing else worked. I felt worse in my 'past life' and AA is a postive sobering experience.
You may not have gotten anything out of it 'this' time. Not every meeting is going to swipe you off your feet and give you a V8 moment. Recovery is a work in progress. You can go to the gym AND go to AA. It doesn't have to be one or the other and both maybe very benficial to you.
Once I started sharing more and getting to know my friends I realized that I wasn't just there for me...it was a group effort. We are there for each other and each one can lean on the next.
You may not have felt comfortable but the seed was planted. In a day, a week or a month you may recall something that speaker said and you just may have a V8 moment.
You may not have gotten anything out of it 'this' time. Not every meeting is going to swipe you off your feet and give you a V8 moment. Recovery is a work in progress. You can go to the gym AND go to AA. It doesn't have to be one or the other and both maybe very benficial to you.
Once I started sharing more and getting to know my friends I realized that I wasn't just there for me...it was a group effort. We are there for each other and each one can lean on the next.
You may not have felt comfortable but the seed was planted. In a day, a week or a month you may recall something that speaker said and you just may have a V8 moment.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
Originally Posted by hatman231 
What you are not is unique. Many have had the feelings you have had. Why did you go to a meeting? Whats the Problem? Can you beat it by youself? Also, there are a bunch of meetings out there. If the group you went to depresses you then try some different meetings. AA is about growth. Some meetings can be bitch sessions or "pity party" meetings. Look for groups embracing positive values and growth. Support is the key if you find you cannot quit drinking on your own.
by no means am i knocking down the benefits that so many people have experienced. and perhaps i will come back again, maybe i need to be in the right frame of mind, maybe i should try another place. (perhaps today simply wasn't *it*)... regardless i am not willing to give up on sobriety.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,878
Finding what works took me took some time. I unfortunately had to find the best fit of an addiction treatment programs through a painful series of trial and error.
Fortunately there are more that a few ways to heal from the nightmare addiction is. I know when I found my way through addiction with a program that made sense, was comprehensive and uncluttered with outside issues...I rejoiced.
Fortunately there are more that a few ways to heal from the nightmare addiction is. I know when I found my way through addiction with a program that made sense, was comprehensive and uncluttered with outside issues...I rejoiced.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Hey Serious - great minds think alike, I went for the first (basically) time tonight too!
I was overwhelmed. I didn't stick around. But it doesn't mean I won't try again! It was something to make me accountable and I didn't cave, so I would consider it a success. Great job!
I was overwhelmed. I didn't stick around. But it doesn't mean I won't try again! It was something to make me accountable and I didn't cave, so I would consider it a success.
Great job!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
hi bratnik, i'll probably give it another chance in the future... but i think more importantly (or perhaps that was exactly what was needed), it kept us from drinking today.
and i can confidently say that tomorrow will be a start of alcohol-free day 9
and i can confidently say that tomorrow will be a start of alcohol-free day 9
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
Every meeting has a different feel or "personality" so to speak. Some you may feel more comfortable in than others. I suggest trying some different types of meetings (i.e., literature meetings, beginners meetings, open discussion meetings, etc.) You will eventually find a few that you will want to stick with. Susan
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
I went to my first last week.
I found it interesting and not unpleasant. There were some people that I could connect with but there were also a lot of people that seemed very unbalanced and hanging by a thread.
I really didn't see myself becoming a regular member of this group. I also came away thinking that I wasn't nearly so bad off as some of these folks.
I I think I will try a few more to see if I can find a better fit - this one was in the middle of the day on Friday so it may attract a different crowd than a weeknight 8 pm meeting would.
I found it interesting and not unpleasant. There were some people that I could connect with but there were also a lot of people that seemed very unbalanced and hanging by a thread.
I really didn't see myself becoming a regular member of this group. I also came away thinking that I wasn't nearly so bad off as some of these folks.
I I think I will try a few more to see if I can find a better fit - this one was in the middle of the day on Friday so it may attract a different crowd than a weeknight 8 pm meeting would.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I don't 'do' AA but I thinks it's natural that anything new and confronting like this will feel a little uncomfortable at first.
I'd give anything more than one go. As others have said, there are lots of groups and lots of different kinds meetings. There's also doing the Steps to consider.
Going to the gym is great and good health is a part of everything - but I used to confuse that with working on my recovery...
I would go on health kicks whenever I wasn't drinking...but I still went back drinking.
I needed more.
D
I'd give anything more than one go. As others have said, there are lots of groups and lots of different kinds meetings. There's also doing the Steps to consider.
Going to the gym is great and good health is a part of everything - but I used to confuse that with working on my recovery...
I would go on health kicks whenever I wasn't drinking...but I still went back drinking.
I needed more.
D
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Funny, I left the second meeting I went to (yesterday) feeling exactly the same. It couldn't have been more different than the first one. It was over a dozen men in a room, I was the only woman, and most of them had been around for awhile. They were totally gruff and kind of overbearing. I felt completely uncomfortable as I was the only woman and the youngest person by at least 15 years in the room. I didn't identify with what they said and felt totally uncomfortable talking. There's nothing wrong with those guys at all and it's not their fault there were no other women there, or younger people, or that it was a stretch for me to follow them, or that they had been going to and reading at and chairing AA meetings for longer than I've been alive (they read the beginning statements, readings, etc they way kids recite something they have to get over and done with) ...if that had been the first meeting, I would have never come back.
As it was I only stayed because I knew that listening to others that I can't identify with- ie looking at others not as a mirror image of myself but as whole people who are entirely different than I am, but share the same tendencies and ultimate calling, is a much better way to approach my life than to continue to shut them out and isolate. I thought about it all day today. I got something at the first meeting (ironically a women's meeting) which felt really good. I think they call it fellowship. The tension at the second one kind of made me look at my judgments. This is my experience- not saying it's the same for you. I didn't go to a meeting today because of my schedule. But I have lots in my mind so I am going to try to go tomorrow.
As it was I only stayed because I knew that listening to others that I can't identify with- ie looking at others not as a mirror image of myself but as whole people who are entirely different than I am, but share the same tendencies and ultimate calling, is a much better way to approach my life than to continue to shut them out and isolate. I thought about it all day today. I got something at the first meeting (ironically a women's meeting) which felt really good. I think they call it fellowship. The tension at the second one kind of made me look at my judgments. This is my experience- not saying it's the same for you. I didn't go to a meeting today because of my schedule. But I have lots in my mind so I am going to try to go tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: United states
Posts: 200
My aa experience
I have to agree with serious. I attended about ten meetings at different locations and different times and I left feeling like I didn't fit in. Most of the stories I heard were beyond extreme. I felt bad for the people there.
After listening to their accounts I questioned if my two drinks a night was a joke to consider myself an alcoholic. Well, two drinks the way I pour them equals a bottle a week of gin.
This combined with a spouse who said I was fine and was over thinking my alcohol use led me to go back to the bottle.
I now get that the fact I needed to drink was obsessed to drink was enough to stop this madness. So I think support groups are great and this one is very good and "normal" in the sharing that allows me to relate.
After listening to their accounts I questioned if my two drinks a night was a joke to consider myself an alcoholic. Well, two drinks the way I pour them equals a bottle a week of gin.
This combined with a spouse who said I was fine and was over thinking my alcohol use led me to go back to the bottle.
I now get that the fact I needed to drink was obsessed to drink was enough to stop this madness. So I think support groups are great and this one is very good and "normal" in the sharing that allows me to relate.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
I encourage anyone who feels they've given whatever they're doing a fair go, but it's not for them, to not dismiss support entirely - but to try something else.
There are many paths up the mountain, but whatever way we choose we still have to have to go the distance ourselves
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
There are many paths up the mountain, but whatever way we choose we still have to have to go the distance ourselves
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
AA is not the only way although it is for me.
They told me to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and if I wanted to return to my old ways they would refund my misery..
I don't think they took under consideration that there are some who do just fine w/o AA.
My mom passed away with 25 + years sober and she only went to AA her 1st year or so.
She told me she never could relate cause she was not a low bottom drunk. She always drank wine in her bdrm at night and that was it.
If you ask me there was a bit of denial in all of that, but it worked for her.
I also have learned only through SR, that people can, and do stay sober w/o AA. I never really thought so before SR.
I used to judge cause of a lot of people in AA would refer to people like that as dry drunks, and that is just not true!!!
I don't think they took under consideration that there are some who do just fine w/o AA.
My mom passed away with 25 + years sober and she only went to AA her 1st year or so.
She told me she never could relate cause she was not a low bottom drunk. She always drank wine in her bdrm at night and that was it.
If you ask me there was a bit of denial in all of that, but it worked for her.
I also have learned only through SR, that people can, and do stay sober w/o AA. I never really thought so before SR.
I used to judge cause of a lot of people in AA would refer to people like that as dry drunks, and that is just not true!!!
Last edited by newby1961; 06-20-2011 at 09:55 PM. Reason: spelling what else lol
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