Alcoholic Adult Child of an Alcoholic
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Alcoholic Adult Child of an Alcoholic
I have been sober for four weeks and two days.
I have been trying to figure out what caused my drinking. I'm slowly unwinding the picture, and after a night of crying realized what contributed to it. My mother is an alcoholic, and has been since the day I was born. I always knew about it, but didn't realize the impact it had on me until the last few days.
I am so sad for her- she has potential for greatness, but has never given herself the chance to realize it. She has lived a lonely, sad life, feelings that I too have every day. I can't change her, and she won't change herself, yet I am always desperately trying to. I'm scared for her health, and believe she may be dying already, but just won't tell me. I can't sleep, eat too much, cry a lot, and worry about her constantly.
If I am so upset about the path that she chose for herself, why would I permit myself to go down that road for the last few years? Was I using drinking as a way to forget about the impact her alcoholism has had on me?
I have been trying to figure out what caused my drinking. I'm slowly unwinding the picture, and after a night of crying realized what contributed to it. My mother is an alcoholic, and has been since the day I was born. I always knew about it, but didn't realize the impact it had on me until the last few days.
I am so sad for her- she has potential for greatness, but has never given herself the chance to realize it. She has lived a lonely, sad life, feelings that I too have every day. I can't change her, and she won't change herself, yet I am always desperately trying to. I'm scared for her health, and believe she may be dying already, but just won't tell me. I can't sleep, eat too much, cry a lot, and worry about her constantly.
If I am so upset about the path that she chose for herself, why would I permit myself to go down that road for the last few years? Was I using drinking as a way to forget about the impact her alcoholism has had on me?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey jil....hugs.
My mother also drinks alcoholically for her that is compounded by existing health issues...I love her and it breaks my heart, but, for my own health I had to put up boundaries to protect myself from the impact her disease had on me. My health had to become a priority.
My mother also drinks alcoholically for her that is compounded by existing health issues...I love her and it breaks my heart, but, for my own health I had to put up boundaries to protect myself from the impact her disease had on me. My health had to become a priority.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Jil, I don't think anyone can answer you why you start to abuse alcohol but yourself. You can't change your mother's ways but you can change your ways in life. By not drinking for 4 weeks, tells me that your getting your life start away. Try to get in to a recovery program, so you can get yourself help and find peace in life. AA, SOS, S.M.A.R.T. and other are some programs to look into.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 67
Hi Jil,
I'm so sorry you're in such pain. I think I know how you feel -- I had the same relationship with my mom and it broke my heart, too. I second what LaFemme says: It's key to take care of yourself.
Sometimes our parents don't recover. My mom died a really painful death and I still think about it. But for me, it also was a wake up call. I knew I had to make big changes to move me off that same path. Hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm so grateful now that I got help and into recovery. I've got about 1.5 years in and life is so much better on so many levels.
Keep up your good work-- you won't regret it.
All the best in your journey:
ddog
I'm so sorry you're in such pain. I think I know how you feel -- I had the same relationship with my mom and it broke my heart, too. I second what LaFemme says: It's key to take care of yourself.
Sometimes our parents don't recover. My mom died a really painful death and I still think about it. But for me, it also was a wake up call. I knew I had to make big changes to move me off that same path. Hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm so grateful now that I got help and into recovery. I've got about 1.5 years in and life is so much better on so many levels.
Keep up your good work-- you won't regret it.
All the best in your journey:
ddog
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Jill,
Welcome!
My mother was an alcoholic (in denial) all of my life. My goal was to be 'not like my mother'. Well, guess what, I ended up just like her. And believe me, alcoholism is very difficult to accept, but when I became my mother, it was devastating. It took awhile in recovery before I realized that having a goal to be not like my mother was negative, and unfinished. I didn't know who I did want to be.
The good news is that you can stop drinking and live the life you want and deserve.
Welcome!
My mother was an alcoholic (in denial) all of my life. My goal was to be 'not like my mother'. Well, guess what, I ended up just like her. And believe me, alcoholism is very difficult to accept, but when I became my mother, it was devastating. It took awhile in recovery before I realized that having a goal to be not like my mother was negative, and unfinished. I didn't know who I did want to be.
The good news is that you can stop drinking and live the life you want and deserve.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
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Very insightful Anna...its not enough to want to "not be like my mother". Funny thing is now that I am sober and doing the work I am finding that in several ways I am like my mother, but they are the positive ways instead of the bad ways
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
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The current thinking is that alcoholism is in part genetic and part environmental, so it's really common for it to run in families. I feel for your situation and can't imagine the helplessness of watching your mother continue to drink.
You're doing the best you can do right now, which is to stay sober and take care of you. And there's always hope - your mom may still decide at some point that she wants to live and stop drinking.
Prayers and hugs for you both.............:ghug3
You're doing the best you can do right now, which is to stay sober and take care of you. And there's always hope - your mom may still decide at some point that she wants to live and stop drinking.
Prayers and hugs for you both.............:ghug3
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by ACT10Npack 
Jil, I don't think anyone can answer you why you start to abuse alcohol but yourself. .
Anna, I totally know what you mean because I never wanted to be like my mom either, and for the last six years was on my way to doing just that.
It's especially hard for me because I still live with her, I have opportunities to move out but I'm scared of leaving her all alone in this big house. There have been times where I've needed to 'rescue' her and if I'm not here, who knows what could happen.
I know it's not healthy for me to be here, but I just can't leave. Maybe I'm a little angry about that, who knows.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: London
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Originally Posted by LaFemme
Hey jil....hugs.
My mother also drinks alcoholically for her that is compounded by existing health issues...I love her and it breaks my heart, but, for my own health I had to put up boundaries to protect myself from the impact her disease had on me. My health had to become a priority.
My mother also drinks alcoholically for her that is compounded by existing health issues...I love her and it breaks my heart, but, for my own health I had to put up boundaries to protect myself from the impact her disease had on me. My health had to become a priority.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: scottsdale, az
Posts: 2
Yep, Jil. In that same boat. I never asked for help until now and I have been 2 days sober. I'm not sure how I turned out like my mother, but it happened. I have a lot of work to do and I'm finally ready to work on one thing: STAYING SOBER!!
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
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Its so sad and frustrating to think we are just repeating the alcoholic behavior of our parents. But because you are here on SR and questioning your drinking and your history, aren't you already trying to break those patterns and make something different for yourself?
I think we can get confused by the question: what caused my drinking? Because there are so many theories out there. I believe very strongly in the genetic theory. You can't find too many people in my family who are not alcoholics. Alcoholism is unbelievably over-represented in my family through 5 generations.
I strongly believe in the disease theory as well. When I take a drink...something dramatic and radical happens to me that does not happen to normal people. I know that, because I have asked them, listened, researched and listened to my heart. I am not the same as them. Normal people don't have that radical shift when they take a drink. I do. I have had it since my first drink.
for that reason, I believe I was born an alcoholic. If my first drink was cataclysmic and normal people's first drink just made them silly...I will never be like them.
But...so what?
I also have a hard time thinking that "something" made me drink. If divorce, death in the family, loss of job, accidents, lost love, poverty...you name it, didn't cause "normies" to drink...then, how can I claim it was a natural reason for me to drink?
I love Lady Gagas song: "I was born this way".
I'm different. Is that so bad?
I think we can get confused by the question: what caused my drinking? Because there are so many theories out there. I believe very strongly in the genetic theory. You can't find too many people in my family who are not alcoholics. Alcoholism is unbelievably over-represented in my family through 5 generations.
I strongly believe in the disease theory as well. When I take a drink...something dramatic and radical happens to me that does not happen to normal people. I know that, because I have asked them, listened, researched and listened to my heart. I am not the same as them. Normal people don't have that radical shift when they take a drink. I do. I have had it since my first drink.
for that reason, I believe I was born an alcoholic. If my first drink was cataclysmic and normal people's first drink just made them silly...I will never be like them.
But...so what?
I also have a hard time thinking that "something" made me drink. If divorce, death in the family, loss of job, accidents, lost love, poverty...you name it, didn't cause "normies" to drink...then, how can I claim it was a natural reason for me to drink?
I love Lady Gagas song: "I was born this way".
I'm different. Is that so bad?
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
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I can't advise you on what to do about your mother, since I am the "black sheep" in the family- the only dumb *** with this "problem."
Perhaps others who have been in your situation can advise you better in that respect.
Being in my position, though, I can speak to your other question. It really does not matter what "caused" your addiction - it just is.
Focus on beating it. Everything else is a distraction.
Perhaps others who have been in your situation can advise you better in that respect.
Being in my position, though, I can speak to your other question. It really does not matter what "caused" your addiction - it just is.
Focus on beating it. Everything else is a distraction.
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