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Old 06-18-2011, 06:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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A beautiful day, but. . .


Well, it's sunny and lovely outside, and I can't think of a thing that I really want to do. I hurt my knee last weekend so exercise is out, I could weed the garden, or clear out the barn space where we're going to put the mini horses next month, or go buy some weed whacker parts to take down the long grass around the fire pit, go grocery shopping for the rest of the weekend. . .I am volunteering at a Barn sale all afternoon, taking my daughter with me. But everything seems like a chore!

When do I get back to being able to imagine things that I would actually LIKE to do? I feel like I am just doing busy work, killing time until it's time to go to bed (early) without drinking.
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Old 06-18-2011, 06:50 AM   #2 (permalink)
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How about it if you think of one thing that you really WANT to do today, and try to fit it in. Maybe it would buying some new music, having coffee at an outdoor cafe, whatever it might be. And, hopefully you can find some joy in doing the errands and tasks that are everyday life.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:17 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thanks

Thank you Anna. Don't know why but I can't stop crying today. I am so scared that I've screwed myself up so badly that I'll never be able to find peace and happiness again. There's nothing wrong with this day and yet I am so depressed.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
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oh, c'mon "mini horses" ... that thought alone put a smile on my face, maybe i don't get to see them as often as you do, but thank you for that little image in my head.

i am actually on the verge of tears, but it's because my emotions were bottled up (no pun intended) for so long. i know the feeling of depression (oh boy, do i), but once you actually start doing something it can dissolve rather quickly... force yourself to do something simple. you might be surprised at how much better you might feel... and keep on keeping on.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:56 AM   #5 (permalink)
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In the beginning my mind wanted to do more than I felt like doing. So I sat back and listened to my heart. If I felt like doing something I got up and did it and if I didn't, well, then I just sat here planning for my next spurt of energy.

Animals are very therapeudic. Enjoy those lil ponies.
I finally found homes for my herd of goats (husband and I separated last Aug). It's taken me 11 months to find all my stuff good homes, but I did it!
I just found a good home for my 2 -7 year old girls which breaks my heart because I've had them since they were 4 months old. But life evolves...life creates new situations and chances...and I have to understand and believe with all my heart that where I'm headed is where I'm s'posed to be. Ironically, the day after I found them a home, I went full time at work so I think the stars are aligned to my favor!
So life has alot to offer. There is alot to think about...but just do what you feel like doing. Sometimes that means doing absolutely nothing. Enjoy your weekend.
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Old 06-18-2011, 08:18 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm no expert(day 6 today) but I do find that the practice of being present as taught in meditation and yoga etc. is a valuable tool. I think AA talks about it as well - "do not worry about what you cannot change...". If you can stop thinking about the past and the future and really get in tune with the present moment and honour it wih openess and curiosity you will find that you suddenly feel much much better. A common technique to do this is to focus on your breath. A twist on this is to inhale whatever it is that you are experiencing deep into your heart and hold it there before you exhale a purified version of it into the air so that others may not be as burdened by it. It sounds silly but I find it to be something that resonates and works for me. I picked it up from an audiobook by Pema Chodron - Getting Unstuck(Breaking Our Habits) - might be a bit off on the title. It's not really long - 3 hours or so - taken from a series of presentations she did at a retreat. I have listened to it 3 or 4 times now and would highly recommend it to anyone on this forum.
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