Iwantmeback

Hi all,

So I made it a full week and was so proud of myself but for some reason I decided that I could drink on day 7. I'm a closet drinker so when I had the opportunity to be alone, I decided to pick up a huge bottle of wine and drink it. I went to work hungover but when I got home, I decided to polish off the bottle last night even though I was so tired and hungover, I still felt the need to drink it. This really sux.

I read on this forum that people have a plan. I guess I don't have a plan. This drinking problem is my secret so I haven't sought the support of others except for this forum. Next time I have the urge to drink, I'm going for a walk instead and will avoid the liquor stores like the plague. I thought I was doing great with my exercise routine, healthy eating, happiness, etc but I obviously need more than that to keep me sober. I'm so depressed about this whole thing but know I need to move on and do a better job this time. So today is Day 1 for me and it's a gorgeous day so I'm going to take advantage of it.

I'm going to read around the forum and see what others do for a plan when cravings happen. Maybe I will keep a journal or something.

Enjoy your day and thanks for listening to my rambling.

daisygurl

All you have is today! Rather than focusing on "I'm not going to drink today" break it up into smaller segments such as by the hour or even by the minute if you need to. The best thing you can do is surround yourself with others like you. I would suggest going to an AA meeting.
I understand that it's difficult when you are a closet drinker because you isolate yourself and it's hard to open up to others. When you are able to walk into a meeting and tell on your cravings then you are making yourself stronger and weakening that voice in your head that wants to keep you drunk and afraid. When you introduce yourself tell them you need some phone numbers and I'm sure you will get plenty of them. Then you have to use those numbers when you are feeling weak. Don't trick yourself into thinking you are a burden when using them because all of those people have been there and are probably more than willing to lend a helping hand.
Praying for strength first thing in the morning and meditation are great ways to start your day and become focused.
Good luck!

Iwantmeback

Thanks so much for the advice Daisy. I'm trying to build my courage to go to a meeting. Today is a new day, hopefully the begginning of my new sober life. I'm going to stop dwelling on my failure and try to be stronger next time I'm tempted.

Good luck to you!

bratnik

Yep, today is a new day. Don't focus on slipping - you are learning how to beat this. Stay positive

LoftyIdeals

IWMB...keep trying! It has taken me decades of trying. Despite my denials, which are many, in my heart of hearts, I know the only way I can "get ME back" is to acknowledge my addictions, accept them as part of me, and take one empowering step: don't feed the addictions. I like your name. Many people have told me I'm someone else when I'm on a binge.

Anna

I was a 'home alone' closet drinker too and it was a huge trigger for me to drink when that happened. Making a plan is really important. I would make sure I was out of the house, I often went for long walks which added so, so much to my recovery. Or call somebody to talk to, do anything that will distract you and upset your drinking routine.

I'm glad you're back.

Taking5

Most of us have relapsed several times. Just keep going for it. Remember if you don't do anything different you should expect the same results.

Also if I may offer my experience on this:

Do not count on this being "your secret". When I decided to stop drinking I was astonished at the number of people who knew, or strongly suspected, I had a drinking problem.

Missy7

I have tried to hide my problem too. But I found one friend to tell that I was serious about quitting drinking. This particular friend is very supportive but knows my boundaries. So she knows without my saying whether I'm succeeding or not, and I silently know that I have her to be accountable to.

Is there anyone in your life like that?

Bikeguy

Learn from your mistake and get back at it, we have all been there before. You can do it!

doggonecarl

A key piece of insight there, Iwantmeback. If working out and eating right cured alcoholism, Jack LaLanne would have been the founder of AA and not Bill Wilson.

Good luck on your renewed journey to sobriety.

sarah1414

Iwantmeback, I'm right there with you back at day 1. After a month, I gave in to that one drink which turned into several. My slip up has renewed my determination. I'm done with the wine; enough is enough.

Let's do this friend!

ajangel

Keep trying. Don't give up. Don't feel like it is hopeless. If you can, picture something important to you and focus on it when you are feeling weak. Go to a meeting if you can. Focusing on failures causes too much stress. Give yourself credit for the time you didn't drink.

Happier

I like your idea of making a plan and doing something different this time. You've mentioned a few preliminary thoughts. Let us know when you've nailed it down the details.

I really had to question my approach of keeping my drinking a "secret". I always thought I would be able to get a grip and improve things myself before anyone really found out.
However, IMO, addictions are like mushrooms. They thrive in the darkness and feed on "BS". Put them out in the light and they often shrivel up and die. They at least get a lot weaker!
It was a huge help to me when I admitted to my wife that I had been hiding alcohol and drinking more than she knew. Replacing secrets with truth was one of the best and most helpful things I've ever done.
All the best to you.

michelle01

I'd also encourage some f2f support (that can be through a range of means, some of it depending on your needs). It's okay if you just want to listen in a meeting at first. And it really does help to connect to others with the same problem, and see the positive transformations.

Dee74

great advice here Iwantmeback
Welcome back

D

instant

IWMB

agree with the above. For me the part that I needed to understand was this bit

was so proud of myself but for some reason I decided that I could drink on day 7.

The person holding me back was myself. Until I began to understand this I kept tripping overmyself. I found the short course at "rational recovery' very helpful

LoftyIdeals

Sarah...glad you are back here and done with wine!

BurningChrome

Just jump starting yourself and getting OUT of that cycle of drinking, long enough to look back and see it for what it was..... I hear you, damn hard to do! But once you break out of that cycle, it gets smaller and smaller in your rear view mirror. Hang in there!!
...Mike

Zebra1275

I'm trying to build my courage to go to a meeting.

Why? It's just a bunch of drunks, they are not going to judge you.






(And I'm one of those AA members, and a former drunk).

CarolD

Glad you are willing to begin your sobriety again...