Need Some Guidance!
 

First post here. Adult daughter of deceased alcoholic mom now in relationship with man who has been clean for 20 years from both alcohol and drug use. Been together for approx 1 year. He is also Bipolar. Has had days/weeks of severe anger towards me, quick to anger, paranoid & non trusting on bad days. He attends AA but has not been in few months. I need help.:a108:

Hi and Welcome,

I hope your boyfriend is seeking treatment for his bipolar disorder.

The severe anger should be a huge red flag for you.

Hi Bludawn

Welcome :)

I also hope your bf is seeking help.
Weeks of severe anger doesn't sound like much fun - are you taking care of yourself in all this?

D

Bipolar-he is taking medication for it and some mental health.

Anger unfortunately is not weeks at a time it's usually at the most 2 days and it can come from no where for no reason and go away just as easy. I'm not sure how does one take care of themself during this? I do not think I am doing a good job.

When he is "himself" very lovable-kind-caring-sensitive.... when he's "mad" very verbally mean (says things knowing they hurt) not physically dangerous.

I think it's important you decide on some boundaries about what you think is acceptable behaviour and whats not - and above all, make sure you feel safe.

Our Family and Friends forums have a lot of reading in the sticky posts at the top of the forum about domestic violence (domestic violence need not be physical).

I hope you'll check those forums out :)

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com

D

I say staying safe is your first priority. That means doing everything you have to do in order keep yourself out of any possible harm. Be it both emotional and physical harm.

As for him, depending on the severity of the bipolar disorder (and from the looks of your post...it is) he might want to consider medical management with therapy to get things smoothed out again...or as it seems, never smooth to begin with.

I have the same amount of time .... when I cut back on AA meetings I get very cranky. All the negative thinking comes back. Since I also suffer from depression I know getting the meds adjusted can make all the difference in my perspective on life.

Have you considered help for yourself? NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy is a great resource for people with mental health issues and their loved ones. I have quite a few friends who have received some wonderful support from them.

Welcome. I am so glad you are here.

Sounds like maybe his bipolar isn't being managed as effectively as it could be? When I get manic, I get angry and irritable and paranoid. I lash out at anyone about anything. Maybe it's time for him to talk to his psychiatrist about a new treatment plan (and/or if he isn't, seeing a psychiatrist who also specializes in addiction medicine - they know how to manage dual-diagnoses such as bipolar and addiction)

I agree with the others - take care of yourself first. You know that whole thing they say on airplanes about putting the air mask on yourself first, then helping others (because you can't help them if you pass out from lack of oxygen!)...get that mask on yourself first! Set some boundaries, talk to him when he is "himself," suggest he speak with his doctor about this...and getting into therapy never hurt anyone!

Welcome to SR.

I am bipolar and it sounds like his medications may not be as effective as they should. If he is not being treated by a mental health practitioner it is defiantly time he was.

For you I would recommend getting the book "The Bipolar Handbook, Real-Life Questions with Up-to-Date Answers" by Wes Burgess, M.D., Ph.D. The book has been very beneficial to both my partner and I in managing my bipolar disorder. You can probably find it in your local book store or on Amazon.com

Dr has put him on Lithium. It appeared to help him greatly, but then was taking some steroids for infection and pain meds which really set him off.

He appears to be able to swing quickly and frequently from one extreme to another, from loving to mean and hateful within an hour. We are living in same home with plans to marry so I have seen this up close, also he will not cut ties with ex-girlf-still texting and phone talks. One day he says he will not have any more contact with her and the next he does. Not sure if that Bipolar or just selfish.

Boundaries are a problem for me. He has crossed alot of them but out of fear of losing him I allowed it. I am very strong willed so it is very difficult to allow myself to remain silent when he is saying mean things.

There is a form of bipolar that is rapid cycling - usually that means several times a year, but there are people who swing back and forth several times a month, week or even a day...of course, I have no idea if this is what's happening with him and him seeing a doctor and being completely honest about his symptoms (including the anger and seemingly rapid mood shifts) would probably go a long way in getting him the proper kind of treatment. Not sure how steroids interact with bipolar without doing a little research, but I can imagine how they could throw one off.

I also like The Bipolar Handbook that nandm suggested - it's a great resource. Hope you're able to find some peace for YOU and take care of yourself! Maybe you could meet with a therapist on your own to discuss how to set boundaries and stick to them and keep yourself healthy and happy through all of this. It's very important to care for and nurture yourself.

I would certainly he's capable of very rapid cycling. I believe the problem is the meds. He doesn't take them correctly or not at all or tries to catch up at times. I am self employed in the house & he is outside of home, I set my hours. He told me this morning I was sitting on my a** like I had nothing to do... I needed to move (get with it) then he came in at noon & said he was going to take a nap? When he wakes up it could be sunny or it may be storming-one does not know.

Rough week. Became angry and shoved me down on driveway, screaming at me, threatening me and telling me to pack and leave. It has been a few days since incident-I am very bruised (clothing covers it) He says he blacked out so angry-asking me to "never make him so angry he does that again" Says he has not hit a woman since he was a teenager over 35 years ago.

I would take him up on that and pack and leave. Get yourself somewhere safe...I know it's difficult - a guy I dated in college broke my nose in a meth rage. I walked out and never looked back (I was forced to use some self-defense to keep him from doing more).

Take care of YOU. Urge him to get help, see a doctor, go to the hospital, something...but you need to take care of yourself and your safety first. I hope you find some peace with this soon.

Bludawn,

I hope you'll do some reading in these links.

Regardless of illness, stress, blackouts, circumstances or whatever else, this is simply not acceptable behaviour...and I hope you'll consider your safety and well being.


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html

D

june 24, last post. I have now discovered he is over medicating himself with pain & anxiety meds, to the point of passing out. Today I was away for one hour and when I returned he was in this state of near black out. I asked him several times what he had taken. He admitted to a "hand full" of Klonopin... said he don't count them. His speech is very slurred and rambling. Can't walk without holding onto walls-spilling drink (water)- i asked him why? he said to relieve some of his "stress"

Really need to take action for yourself. Sounds scarey to me.

CALL 911. If you haven't already! And you need to make serious plans for getting out of this relationship. You may love him but being together isn't doing either of you any good.

What? I do not want to cause a panic If he is not in danger. Omg I can't imagine what he would do.