Kickin Butt and Taken Names!
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 377
Kickin Butt and Taken Names!
So here's whats new with me guys!
In a little more than a week, I'll have been officially free of alcohol for 2 months! (it really has flown by to be honest with you!)
Cyber High Five! Woohoo!!!
In this past month, more closely to the last few weeks, I have made some dramatic changes socially. I've been a semi recluse to some of my friends, but slowly letting them in on the little known fact that I've decided to stop drinking. I would say that 90% of them are ecstatic of my choice, but a few of them have not given me the reaction I was looking for. One of those people I actually had to just cut off completely. The reason being because he kept pressureing me to contiune with my old ways. He would actually make comments like "I used to think you had a drinking problem, now I think you have a non drinking problem!" or other times when others are around congratulating for my choice, he would say "No don't tell him that!", in a joking attitude. While I didn't think much of it at first, I started to analyze who I socialize with. He was a great friend, and we know each other quite personally. But I decided being around that type of attitude was no good for me - So I just stopped all contact with him. In other words, I stopped picking up his calls, and responding to any form of communication he would send my way. I feel bad about this because this most likely came out of the blue for him. See he is a drinker himself, and I don't think he can grasp the idea of me quitting. I also don't think he would understand I cant be around anyone I used to drink with right now. So on better judgement, I just went dark to him. Am I wrong here? Looking for honest opinions
*On a side note - The last text I got from him was "So your just going to ignore me now? I thought you were better than that." I have also yet to get a compliment from him about me quitting. Personally I really don't think he likes the fact I did.
With thats out of the way.. What else is new.. Lets see..Lets see..
Oh yes, my friend in the Midwest won the lotto! lol! The guy bought a 2 dolllar scratch ticket, and won $10,000! And with his new found money has decided to fly me out for a 2 week visit. He is quite aware of my sobriety, and I feel pretty strong about it that I can take this trip. I'm actually going to look for an AA meeting out there, and see what its all about. Mind you I have yet to attempt to go an AA meeting locally, but that may change here shortly. Ive been listening to a lot of AA speakers on websites, and really enjoy listening to them. But we'll see.
And last but not least, my damn anxiety. Still having issues with it. It seems to come and go as it pleases. I'm trying different things to tackle it. How I sleep, what I eat, and just about everything you can think of. For anxiety to all of a sudden come on in my second month of being sober seems odd to me. But it is what it is, and I'm doing my best to figure out how to deal with it/prevent it.
Well thats about it! No more news to report. Still staying sober as can be, and loving this new life of mine! Relearning to live without alcohol isn't easy, but overall feels WAY BETTER!
-Ryan
In a little more than a week, I'll have been officially free of alcohol for 2 months! (it really has flown by to be honest with you!)
Cyber High Five! Woohoo!!!
In this past month, more closely to the last few weeks, I have made some dramatic changes socially. I've been a semi recluse to some of my friends, but slowly letting them in on the little known fact that I've decided to stop drinking. I would say that 90% of them are ecstatic of my choice, but a few of them have not given me the reaction I was looking for. One of those people I actually had to just cut off completely. The reason being because he kept pressureing me to contiune with my old ways. He would actually make comments like "I used to think you had a drinking problem, now I think you have a non drinking problem!" or other times when others are around congratulating for my choice, he would say "No don't tell him that!", in a joking attitude. While I didn't think much of it at first, I started to analyze who I socialize with. He was a great friend, and we know each other quite personally. But I decided being around that type of attitude was no good for me - So I just stopped all contact with him. In other words, I stopped picking up his calls, and responding to any form of communication he would send my way. I feel bad about this because this most likely came out of the blue for him. See he is a drinker himself, and I don't think he can grasp the idea of me quitting. I also don't think he would understand I cant be around anyone I used to drink with right now. So on better judgement, I just went dark to him. Am I wrong here? Looking for honest opinions
*On a side note - The last text I got from him was "So your just going to ignore me now? I thought you were better than that." I have also yet to get a compliment from him about me quitting. Personally I really don't think he likes the fact I did.
With thats out of the way.. What else is new.. Lets see..Lets see..
Oh yes, my friend in the Midwest won the lotto! lol! The guy bought a 2 dolllar scratch ticket, and won $10,000! And with his new found money has decided to fly me out for a 2 week visit. He is quite aware of my sobriety, and I feel pretty strong about it that I can take this trip. I'm actually going to look for an AA meeting out there, and see what its all about
. Mind you I have yet to attempt to go an AA meeting locally, but that may change here shortly. Ive been listening to a lot of AA speakers on websites, and really enjoy listening to them. But we'll see. And last but not least, my damn anxiety. Still having issues with it. It seems to come and go as it pleases. I'm trying different things to tackle it. How I sleep, what I eat, and just about everything you can think of. For anxiety to all of a sudden come on in my second month of being sober seems odd to me. But it is what it is, and I'm doing my best to figure out how to deal with it/prevent it.
Well thats about it! No more news to report. Still staying sober as can be, and loving this new life of mine! Relearning to live without alcohol isn't easy, but overall feels WAY BETTER!
-Ryan
Congrats
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Wow, great post, Ryan!
It's great to hear how well you're doing. And, good for you for accepting that a couple of your friends didn't have your best interests in mind, but that lots of them are still there for you.
For dealing with anxiety, I 'try' to keep my life as stress-free as possible and I focus on balance in my life. For me, that's a big thing to help keep anxiety at bay. I try to remember that the feelings are just feelings and they don't control me, and simply 'breathing' helps so much. You might find that your breathing is very shallow when you're anxious and I think it adds to the anxiety, so if you a few deep belly breaths, you'll be surprised how much it helps.
It's great to hear how well you're doing. And, good for you for accepting that a couple of your friends didn't have your best interests in mind, but that lots of them are still there for you.
For dealing with anxiety, I 'try' to keep my life as stress-free as possible and I focus on balance in my life. For me, that's a big thing to help keep anxiety at bay. I try to remember that the feelings are just feelings and they don't control me, and simply 'breathing' helps so much. You might find that your breathing is very shallow when you're anxious and I think it adds to the anxiety, so if you a few deep belly breaths, you'll be surprised how much it helps.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Martinsville, Ohio
Posts: 79
That sounds great. I like your plan and congrats on your sobriety. I am just two weeks ahead of you and always hope to be there!
You know yourself about the trip but please visit AA while you are there and bring it home with you. That will help the anxiety greatly as you listen to others dump theirs and learn how to dump yours in time.
After 100 meetings I really look forward to them and feel guilty if I miss like tonight. I have to go with the boss, dear wife to a chamber of commerce annual dinner. Going late to skip the bar and those people don't know how to drink anyway, you get my point.
Just take time to know your new self. Don't push it. I haven't been able to, my problem is get up and go at my age. One day at a time, no grandeur, hopefully that will come in time for all of us if we pray for God's Will, not ours, at least that is how it works for me.
Enjoyed reading your post.
Thanks.
You know yourself about the trip but please visit AA while you are there and bring it home with you. That will help the anxiety greatly as you listen to others dump theirs and learn how to dump yours in time.
After 100 meetings I really look forward to them and feel guilty if I miss like tonight. I have to go with the boss, dear wife to a chamber of commerce annual dinner. Going late to skip the bar and those people don't know how to drink anyway, you get my point.
Just take time to know your new self. Don't push it. I haven't been able to, my problem is get up and go at my age. One day at a time, no grandeur, hopefully that will come in time for all of us if we pray for God's Will, not ours, at least that is how it works for me.
Enjoyed reading your post.
Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Glad things are going so well for you Ryan.
I agree with Anna about the anxiety - balance is important - and deep breathing helps me too.
I try to practice that regularly so I can slip into the mode more easily when I need to
D
I agree with Anna about the anxiety - balance is important - and deep breathing helps me too.
I try to practice that regularly so I can slip into the mode more easily when I need to
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Am I wrong here? Looking for honest opinions
Ryan, you are absolutely right (I think). You need to protect your sobriety and the first thing we were told in rehab was change your playground/playmates. If this person can't give you an inch of acceptance for a choice that you made in your best interest than you may want to rethink his function in your life.
We all have people that may not and will not agree with things we do -but that doesn't mean its wrong. You have to do what you need to do to be successful in your sobriety and in your own life.
Congratulations on the sober time...maybe he never was successful in anything but drinking?
Ryan, you are absolutely right (I think). You need to protect your sobriety and the first thing we were told in rehab was change your playground/playmates. If this person can't give you an inch of acceptance for a choice that you made in your best interest than you may want to rethink his function in your life.
We all have people that may not and will not agree with things we do -but that doesn't mean its wrong. You have to do what you need to do to be successful in your sobriety and in your own life.
Congratulations on the sober time...maybe he never was successful in anything but drinking?
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by RyanRed 
In this past month, more closely to the last few weeks, I have made some dramatic changes socially. I've been a semi recluse to some of my friends, but slowly letting them in on the little known fact that I've decided to stop drinking. I would say that 90% of them are ecstatic of my choice, but a few of them have not given me the reaction I was looking for. One of those people I actually had to just cut off completely. The reason being because he kept pressureing me to contiune with my old ways. He would actually make comments like "I used to think you had a drinking problem, now I think you have a non drinking problem!" or other times when others are around congratulating for my choice, he would say "No don't tell him that!", in a joking attitude. While I didn't think much of it at first, I started to analyze who I socialize with. He was a great friend, and we know each other quite personally. But I decided being around that type of attitude was no good for me - So I just stopped all contact with him. In other words, I stopped picking up his calls, and responding to any form of communication he would send my way. I feel bad about this because this most likely came out of the blue for him. See he is a drinker himself, and I don't think he can grasp the idea of me quitting. I also don't think he would understand I cant be around anyone I used to drink with right now. So on better judgement, I just went dark to him. Am I wrong here? Looking for honest opinions
*On a side note - The last text I got from him was "So your just going to ignore me now? I thought you were better than that." I have also yet to get a compliment from him about me quitting.
*On a side note - The last text I got from him was "So your just going to ignore me now? I thought you were better than that." I have also yet to get a compliment from him about me quitting.
Nor do I see why you expect compliments from people - are you intending to drink again if you don't get compliments? If not, then why does it matter?
If you have legitimate shared interests with this friend besides just getting hammered, I don't see why you have to ignore him completely.
You may want to respond to him and say "Listen, I quit drinking, and I do not want you telling me to drink, ever again. If you can handle that, let me know, and we can go back to normal. I don't care if you drink, but I won't be drinking."
The choice is then his to make. If he was a great friend, as you say, then you may owe him that much at least.
From experience, you'll find that people who are only interested in a drinking buddy will move along on their own accord very quickly when you put it like that.
If he can't handle that, then he may not have been such a great friend, but at least you won't have to trouble your conscience over it.
Cheers, and congrats on the two months.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Ryan, it sounds like you are doing great.
In my experience, I had to cut a lot of the old "friends" out of my life. I wouldn't be sober otherwise.
Don't confuse an AA speaker with AA, they are nothing alike. You should try AA if for nothing more than educational purposes.
In my experience, I had to cut a lot of the old "friends" out of my life. I wouldn't be sober otherwise.
Don't confuse an AA speaker with AA, they are nothing alike. You should try AA if for nothing more than educational purposes.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I don't think one needs to change one's playmates just because one has quit drinking/using. I don't view "recovery" as a punishment.
I was trying to be sober but still living my old drinkers life, surrounded by my old partying, hard drinking and drug taking mates - some of them who seemed to make it their lifes work to bring me 'back into the fold'.
so, no, that approach didn't work for me.
It's not about punishment to me at all - it's about making the changes you need to make, and doing what you know is best.
D
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Ryan, I can totally relate, in my drinking days I disassociated myself from my non-drinking friends because they cut into my drinking time. When I quit I found out I no longer had much in common with my drinking buddies. Drinking was a part of everything we did, take that out of the equation and there was nothing there. You seem to have a great attitude!!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 450
Congrats on staying sober Yay!!
Ryan regarding the anxiety, the tips on deep breathing are great and also when you start to feel anxious, a good thing to do is to "tell it to do its worst... bring it on" hope I have explained that right... for some reason it seems to stop it dead in its tracks.... if you try it I would appreciate you posting back here to say if it worked for you.
Do agree with AVRT, think for your peace of mind would be a good idea to give your friend a call or a text.. he may stand up to the plate...
Lucky you on the trip
Christine
Ryan regarding the anxiety, the tips on deep breathing are great and also when you start to feel anxious, a good thing to do is to "tell it to do its worst... bring it on" hope I have explained that right... for some reason it seems to stop it dead in its tracks.... if you try it I would appreciate you posting back here to say if it worked for you.
Do agree with AVRT, think for your peace of mind would be a good idea to give your friend a call or a text.. he may stand up to the plate...
Lucky you on the trip
Christine
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Wow Ryan, your post just conjured up memories of all the drinking/hunting trips I was on in the past. My cousins asked me this past year and I declined. If you can visualize a bunch of half wasted guys stumbling around the woods with high powered rifles you can see why I opted out. The only shots I ever took were out of the whiskey bottle.
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