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Social Anxiety

Old 06-16-2011, 06:36 AM
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Social Anxiety

Hi everyone

I am approaching 9 months of sobriety this Sunday...yay me!

My best friend is getting married next month, I am a bridesmaid.
Normally I dont like being in the spotlight so to speak but really felt I had to do this.

In the past I often drank to relieve social anxiety and pressures.

This wedding is a very high pressure situation for me. I am working on a stay sober plan in advance.

Part of my plan is to post more regularily here, get feedback, and keep reminding myself why I have worked so hard to get to this point.

I am fast approaching that 1 yr mark and that is something I really want.

I struggle a lot but ive made it through so far. I do not want to throw away all of my hard work for one night of partying.

Would love any feedback you can give and thanks for reading
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Old 06-16-2011, 06:56 AM
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Having a plan going in is a great idea, it has saved me a couple of times. Most of the time I find out I make a bigger situation out of deals like this than they actually are. Spend your time focusing on your friend as it's her special day, try to cater to her needs and wants and before you know it you will have made it successfully through the day. Good luck and GREAT JOB on 9 months.
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Old 06-16-2011, 07:33 AM
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Hey Carrie - CONGRATS on 9 months!! Good for you on committing to posting more and creating a plan of action ahead of time.

Bikeguy - you would make a great bridesmaid. Your advice is great. Weddings are usually somewhat chaotic no matter how simple or well planned. I think there could be plenty to keep your mind off drinking if you focus on helping your friend and her family where ever you can. It's a joyous day for your friend and I'm sure it will mean the world to her to have you by her side to help her enjoy herself and not stress about things. Don't think of it as being in the spotlight - think of it as your friend being in the spotlight and you are there to let her shine as much as possible for her special day.

Hope you aren't stuck with a dress you'll never wear again.
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Old 06-16-2011, 08:34 AM
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LOL Yeah that's me always the bridesmaid never the bride!
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Old 06-16-2011, 10:55 AM
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I agree with previous posters. This day just ain't about you. Keep the focus where it should be.

Much love and HAVE FUN being the best (sober) bridesmaid ever!
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Old 06-16-2011, 11:00 AM
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I would give anything to see bikeguy in a bridesmaids dress. Post pictures, please.

I would agree that if you take the focus off 'your problem' and issues and take that energy and direct it at your friends special day -you will be successful. Don't give yourself time to think about anything else but the wedding and how you are really there for her...no one else.

Lately, my theory is that worrying is merely unsettled thoughts of the future...but if we don't know the future until it gets here -then its the past and it wasn't that bad.
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Old 06-16-2011, 11:16 AM
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Well done on having 9 months sober.

Having a plan is an excellent idea. What helps me in anxious making situation is remembering to be in the present and taking a few deep breaths.
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Old 06-16-2011, 11:38 AM
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I think the advice is great.

But, I would add that I think it's good to set boundaries if you need 'em. Our culture puts a lot of pressure on Bridesmaids to be totally self-sacrificing and it can be blown out of proportion, with the ideas that people need to have several parties in addition to the wedding (engagement, bridal shower, bachelorette, whatever else). IMO. (And I am currently planning my wedding.)

If you really want to do this for your friend, that's great. It sounds like she is a good friend; if she is, if you feel you need to avoid certain situations, she will understand, bridesmaid or not. If you need to leave a party early, maybe you can offer to help her do grunt work (like assembling favors, or something) because you want her to know you want to help and be there for her?

Just some thoughts!
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Old 06-16-2011, 12:02 PM
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I agree that you should balance the bridesmaid responsibilities with your own need to protect your recovery.

I think that being aware that it will be difficult at times to get through the wedding, you are already helping yourself.
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Old 06-16-2011, 03:18 PM
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great advice here already Carrie.

This link is useful too I think - it's specifically for Thanksgiving but I think the tips translate well to just about any social occasion

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

D
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Old 06-17-2011, 04:52 AM
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Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice!! Really appreciated and taken to heart!!

I just want to clarify that my sober self knows that this day is NOT about me, of course I have this awareness!! If only it were that simple to stay sober by *just focusing*

The alcoholic demon in me doesnt care and will try and rationalize having a drink. This is what I am planning for and doing everything in my power beforehand to have tools at the ready.

I simply do not do well at functions where alcohol is served in abundance.
Go figure? lol
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Old 06-17-2011, 07:10 AM
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Social anxiety was HUGE for me. Amazingly, the more sober time I get, the easier that gets.

When I go into those situations, I tell myself I am NOT going to drink. There will be alcohol there and I am NOT going to drink. If I even suspect that my alcoholic mind is going to pop off with, 'just this one'......I cancel my plans. Seriously.

I guess I set myself up to succeed.

That first year is a set of learning experiences....at 9 months....it looks like you are doing well! Have a good time and lots of club soda!
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Old 06-17-2011, 07:18 AM
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Does your bride know that you are working on staying sober? Also, how many bridesmaids are there? Can you find an ally there to remind you? If there are a lot of bridesmaids and it's a big wedding, I imagine they need a designated driver/buttoner...as one comic calls it, the "We Gotta Go Girl."

People might forget that being a bridesmaid isn't just a matter of standing up in a dress. There are parties and other events involved.

Hang in there and keep posting.
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