worriedbinger

Hi out there - like I said I am new to this forum and need to talk with others that can understand me, because I don't think many do. I have been a heavy drinker for the last 20 yrs. I drink about 30 bacardi drinks per week, sometimes more, sometimes less. I am starting to worry about my health, like if my liver can keep up with my drinking - and somehow the more I worry about it, the more it makes me want to drink! AND I don't even want to quit because I like it too much...I feel like I am not normal, and if I try to quit drinking now, I will just fail. Can someone please share with me their experience if you are or have been anything like me? Have I been drinking too long and might I already done too much damage? I am such a worrywort freak...

bratnik

Hi worried: I know how you are feeling. I am scared about my liver, too. I am going to the Dr. at the end of this month and it's going to be very hard - as I have had a high liver count in the past. The suffering and guilt I put myself through obsessing about my health over the past through months (while continuing to drink) was killing me. This is giving me a reason to quit - finally. I don't even have the results - I'm scared to death, but I finally came to grips that it's not going away by living in denial.

I love wine - but I was drinking it for the buzz more than the experience. I miss it - but I would miss living a normal life much more. And i don't miss the hangovers and am starting to appreciate waking up fresh more and more every day. People on this site made me finally take the step to make the appointment for the Dr. which I have been avoiding.

I'm only 10 days in, but I hope it helps knowing there are others out there going what you are going through. I hear there are good drs out there that will want to help and not judge. If that's the case, let's do it.

Bikeguy

Been there done that, it's not too late. I thought I liked drinking too until the daily panic attacks came and the drinking at noon just to calm the nerves. My life is so much better after I stopped, I remember my conversations with my wife and kids, my performance at work is better, I'm saving a boat load of money and I feel and am healthier. You can do it too, make up your mind to make a change, go see your doctor and ask for help, you won't regret quitting.

least

Welcome to the best recovery site everywhere. I hope you can stop drinking for good. A sober life is worth the effort.

Dee74

Hi worriedbinger

I've been there believe me.
The only way you can truly ease your mind over your health is to see a Dr - be honest and open about how much you drink and get a full check up.

I'm afraid the only way I found to keep from worrying about what I was doing to myself though was to stop drinking.

I was a binger for years then an all day every day drinker for several years - but I quit.

You can too - find as much support as you can.
This is a great place to start

D

Zebra1275

If you have been a heavy drinker for 20 years, detox can be dangerous. I would encourage you to get some medical help with the detox. You could also have your liver and general health checked out, maybe that would help with your worries.

Then you need to figure out how to quit drinking and stay quit. I tried to quit drinking on my own and had some success, but ultimately I needed a formal program. For me that was AA.

topspin

worried,
I'm pretty sure most of us in recovery have been right there.

The addicted mind is a clever beast. The list I developed toward the end of my drinking just grew, and grew, and grew.

Eventually, I began to amp up those crazy thoughts to precede (and then coincide) with my drinking.

You're probably right when you question whether you're "not normal"

I sure wasn't. What you're going through is very common (or normal) for most of us early on. Changing my thinking was key. Simple idea, but not so easy, for sure.

Stopping now, and not drinking "no matter what" was a vital first step.

nandm

to SR. You are not alone, I for one was a "heavy" drinker for multiple years before I accepted the fact that I can not drink like a normal person and don't know how to live without drinking. Once I accepted that I was able to start looking for a solution to my problem. For me that solution is AA but there are many recovery programs available. I would recommend talking to your doctor about how much you drink on a regular basis and getting his thoughts as inpatient recovery might be what you need at this point because of detox.

Take care.

Anna

I think that the anxiety you're feeling is part of the cycle of addiction and it keeps you addicted.

Your fear keeps you continuing to drink, which continues the feelings of anxiety you have. Stopping would be a relief.

worriedbinger

Wow! Thanks so much to all that replied! I really need to know that there is someone who remotely understands me...I am going to get my enzymes checked on Friday and I am scared, too. I can go days without drinking and do not have a problem with withdrawal, but it makes me nervous just thinking about life without drinking. I have been completely honest with my Dr., and I think while they mean the best, I think she is judging me and already wrote me off as a head case as soon as I told her that I drink heavily. That might just be my own paranoia?

CarolD

My liver and heart were ok....it was my brain that was becoming damaged from my long drinking.
Yes I became paranoid and depression was daily with no external reasons.

Please see if this link is useful for you...

http://chemcases.com/alcohol/alc-07.htm


I'm so glad I stopped putting a toxic liquid into me....
Welcome to SR....;