newwings

Day 55 here, and doing great...but getting little pangs of anxiety. My Mother in Law arrives from England for a two week visit, starting this Thursday. She's fondly known as the 'Ginfox' (for obvious reasons). She's a pretty heavy drinker, and she's always been my drinking partner in crime, but this visit I have pre-warned her I no longer drink. She was very disappointed. To her, coming out to California is a vacation - and with that comes champagne by the pool, gin and tonics on the patio, wine at lunches. You know the score.

There was a heavy silence as I told her I wouldn't be joining her in it, but that she was quite at liberty to go ahead. I don't mind being around drinkers one bit, my husband still drinks his nightly bottle of red wine. But if I was going to struggle, it would be now. She's lovely, and I adore her, but she does bring the party atmosphere into my home. I'm practicing my 'self defense' technique in preparation....

Does anyone have any tips for me please?

miko67

oooh this is a test! just stay strong in the face of it. the worrying just now is the hardest part. just enjoy it when she comes. and remember actions speak louder than words. keep the focus you are doin really well.

sarah1414

No great tips here since I'm still new at this too, but my first thought is to let your sobriety shine. Let your MIL see the changes. Maybe she will be inspired to drink less or stop drinking one day.

Enjoy the visit and conitinue to enjoy your alcohol free life! You are doing so well.

MIBluebird

I can relate. I have so many partners in crime and all of them are pretty disappointed that I'm not joining them anymore. Now when I am around them I'm more of a caretaker, while they are getting smashed I'm giving them bottles of water, making sure we order food, not letting them drive. It's ironic because I would never drink water or eat, that killed my buzz! And, I was always just fine to drive home even though I didn't remember in the morning. I'm ranting here but my advice is that I am getting pleasure out of taking care of other people. I listen to them repeat their stories, I clean up the spilt wine, and I make sure they are safe when I'm with them or when I leave them. It's a great feeling and even though it's a very different kind of fun then I'm used to, I'm very grateful that's not me anymore.

Good luck and have fun with your Mother-in-law, she sounds like someone I would like!

Itchy

I could and have been around drinkers and smokers, and have no desire to drink or smoke. But I wasn't anxious about any of those people in advance. If your little alcoholic voice is speaking to you at all, saying maybe one to show her I am not a soapboxer, or that you are thinking that you have done well at 55 days anyway, then you better not. However, my wife still smokes and drinks, I am here alone and there is a carton of cigarettes and a half gallon of scotch as there have been for the last almost 9 months I have been sober. No temptation and I never even think about them except to talk about it here.

Others talk about not having it in the house or allowing others to drink around them or whatever. Alcohol is five minutes away by car, bike, or maybe a bit longer if you have to walk. What is the difference in resisting it from a block or across a room? Some say they would give in if alcohol were in the same room, and I believe them. I don't understand them, but my understanding is not necessary for it to be true for them.

Only you know the level of your comittment, and if this is a real challenge or just a concern. If you are genuinely worried you might want to rethink it. It is your sobriety and if meeting up is a real threat to your sobriety then the decision is yours.

Tips? Well what works for me is having ice cold cokes ready in the afternoons and hot coffee in the morning. I also have snacks and Ice tea and lemonade handy in the fridge.

Good luck! Hope you have a successful visit!

newwings

Thanks, Itchy. I do think it's just more of a concern than a real challenge. I am 100% committed to my sobriety, and have had many, many situations in the last 55 odd days where I have been surrounded by alcohol. I really don't want it. I just know how persuasive my Mother in Law can be (she managed to persuade me to marry her spoilt son, ha ha!). She'll try every trick in the book, I know she will. I'm pretty sure she'd be uncomfortable drinking to the level she normally does here, without a willing partner.

I've just been to the grocery store and stocked up on ginger ale, collins mix, soda water - all my new favorite drinks. I have lots of white wine and champagne tucked away in the garage, where it's been for the last month after I had a party. I've never even been tempted by it. As far as I am concerned, it's for her and anyone else who wants it.

I think the flutter of anxiety is probably more to do with the fact that while I adore her, she never really made me feel good enough for her son. I have to be the perfect 'Stepford Wife', and she always asks me if I'm looking after her son properly, which makes me gnash my teeth a lot as he's spoilt rotten. First by her, and stupidly now by me. However....this time, I'll be able to feel beautifully superior whilst she's tipsy and struggling to get up the stairs....epic WIN!

Dee74

keep connected to SR newwings
You're doing great - and I'm sure you're a great mom to boot.

You have nothing to prove to anyone

D

bratnik

Gosh, I certainly relate to the motherinlaw anxiety. Mine makes me feel the same way, although I WISH she would have a drink and lighten up once in awhile. (is that bad humor on this site?)

I'm in awe of your strength in dealing with the upcoming visit. I don't know how I would handle it - mine makes me so anxious. And being able to resist the liquor in your house/garage is huge. Don't know if I could hold out very long on that, either.

SO - great job!! You are an inspiration! I am sure you will be the same fun "drinking buddy" for her being sober. After a few she'll probably forget you aren't drinking and she'll be having her fun. EPIC WIN

Derrick41

Dr.Pepper and reese peanut butter cups.
Helped me for the first year. Sugar from the reese cups followed by chugging the Dr.peeper gave me the nice bite a beer used too.

Snakes37

Hello Newwings, congrats on being 55 days sober!!

Like miko said, this episode for you is a test of keeping yourself together and getting through it (easier said than done :p). I have been sober for 164 days and this past weekend was both my Graduation Party from College and my 23rd Birthday :S. And let me tell you I went through hell abstaining from the booze. Definately my biggest test since I last drank. 40/50 of my family members/friends were at my party and the booze was flowing left, right and center. Side Bar: My family is Ukrainian aka heavy drinkers. I even told my dad to pick me up an "emergency case" of beer as he went to get the alcohol for the night, but he came back with no emergency case for me .... =)=). It killed me to watch my family and friends drink and have a great time while I was hanging around all night being stone sober. It sucked, but i realize that my booze brain/alcoholic mind was telling me it sucked. And when the booze brain gets more involved in my mind it increases the chances for me to relapse. It got to such a point that at the bar I was very close to succumbing to a beer that my friend insisted on buying me b/c it was my Birthday. However I got through the whole weekend alcohol free, no matter how upset or depressed I got that I was not drinking like the rest of them. I have to work on telling myself to be happy for my sober journey especially on days that I will be upset and jealous of the people who can drink when I can't.

Bottom Line, stay strong and good luck!

wellwisher

newwings.....I have every confidence that you will SHINE!

Enjoy your visit...

Itchy

Wow I liked that last line in your response new wings.

"However....this time, I'll be able to feel beautifully superior whilst she's tipsy and struggling to get up the stairs....epic WIN!"

I like to say that the best revenge is living well. But as Dee pointed out so well, living well also means never having to prove anything to anybody. We can't be all things to all men (and women.) But we can be enough, and that appears to prove it all to others regardless, every time.

Have a nice visit. Remember that she may just be drinking away what she finds when she looks in the mirror, just like we did at one time. wink

LoftyIdeals

Newwings...I'm only on day 3 and I'm having neighbors over for a marshmallow roast. They will be drinking, as will my wife, but I plan to have SR on my droid, and a quick refernce in my notes to my reasons for sobriety. However, mine is one night, not two weeks. If the going gets tough, I'd come up with a reason to have to be somewhere else and go sit at the library, coffeehouse, or walk the mall or something to get a breather and keep centered.

You can do it...I hear the resolve!

serious

I think you have your own answer right there