spikeman

Well, I stuffed up again this Saturday. I managed to resist on Friday night, went to AA, came home, watched some footy and went to bed. Didn't sleep much but I didn't drink so I was happy.

Woke up on Saturday morning and even though I was tired, I felt good and alert. I had the best intentions and was planning on an AA meeting that night. Then later in the morning the familair cravings started. They are so strong I just can't resist them, and as if I was watching myself from a distance I found myself in the bottle shop buying a 24 slab of Stella. Then it was back to the usual routine of sitting on the porch reading the paper and drinking and then later after dinner going on Youtube watching stupid videos and drinking more. Don't have a clue what time I went to bed or what I did after 9pm as my mind is a blank.

I woke the next morning to find 24 empty bottles and I was as sick as a dog for the whole day. It was made even worse as I was supposed to attend my boy's kindergarten open day. So gutted and so guilty.

I almost didn't post on here as I feel so ashamed. I must not let myself get back into this awful rhythm of total self destruction. I'm 43 now and I have been a full time drinker since 16 and an alcoholic in the 'classic' sence since 18. I'm not going to live much longer if I keep this up.

So anyway, back to square one. My parter is going to strap me down if I mention beer this coming weekend. I have discussed it with my parter and she is going to keep me busy. Her family are coming over to help out too. I'll be attending meetings all week and will sit in chuch all evening every evening if necessary. I am not going to fail again!

Thanks for listening. I feel a bit better for admitting to what I have done. I'm sorry for letting my family and you all down.

Best wishes to everyone.

Spikeman.

Dee74

I'm glad you have some kind of plan, and some support Spikeman

D

CarolD

when I began my AA steps....I felt a shift ..from shakey sobriety
into solid recovery....and I've not returned to drinking.

all my best as you move forward...

instant

Spikeman . You are in the right place. Back to the drawing board.

I have been around my circles long enough to know the routine. I wondered if the guilt and shame really helped me in a situation similar to what you described. I decided they didn't and whilst I don't have a theory, or any proof I suspected they were part of the problem- I got rid of that ( in that situation).

Our motivation for abstinence varies and we weaken easily- it's been that way for a year for me. It helped me to clarify why I wanted to change- this comes down to the pros and cons of drinking- I have a list and made it as long as I could- this is the "why" of "I'd rather not drink because........".

I have read some strategies for dealing with urges somewhere- maybe boning up on that would be a good idea too. Then you on to plan B.... or C or whatever it is............

Go easy on yourself

artsoul

Those urges/cravings can be really strong in the beginning. I remember a few times having the thought that I might need to tie my hands and feet down to keep me from getting up and going to the store for wine. The thing that helped me the most was coming here and reading until I felt strong again.

Hang in there and remember to take it one day at a time. It takes time, but the urges get less and less the longer you stay sober. :ghug3

Abbzi

Hi Spikeman and lovely to meet u

"I almost didn't post on here as I feel so ashamed."

ditto for me today... but I know AA.. and pretty sure here.. strength comes from honesty, and getting up, dusting urself off and trying again..

Shame is central to my alcoholic being.. but it doesnt help me being sober... what I do is have to humble myself and say 'guys I need u and i need help' ... be it aa or SR...It can be actally freeing to say that.. and not my norm

but hell my 'norm' got me no where..lol