Parents on me with drinking
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Parents on me with drinking
Well its going to be 3 months soon since I went through a heavy drinking period (binge). I still have no decided to drink at this point and everything feels good. I get stress out sometimes but the thought to go crazy and get drunk is not there anymore. Surprising for me. My parents knows I have a alcohol program and if anything that comes up that they think I'm drinking they will ask. Which is understanding but I'm getting some what fed up about it. I just keep my mouth shut and do my thing. I don't give them an answer anymore because they will not believe me and I feel like at the age of 28. I don't have to give them an answer to those questions. It's one of the things they like to do to be over protective. Any advice on this?
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She is through throw my stuff and seeing if I have anything hidden around. I just smile and do my thing. I don't trying not to let it to get me. I personal don't want to deal with this sh*t. I'm good and move on with my life but I really need to get out of my parents place which will be hard because they don't want me to leave. They want to still watch over me. I'm 28 and the only ONLY reason I have not move out again because of my debt. I started working 1 and half months ago and I'm just getting tried of their control my life.
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Join Date: May 2011
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I would suggest being honest with them. Tell them that you appreciate all they have done for you but you are working on your sobriety and their constant worry is causing you great stress. If they think they are causing you stress, maybe they will stop.
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Originally Posted by lpnangel 
I would suggest being honest with them. Tell them that you appreciate all they have done for you but you are working on your sobriety and their constant worry is causing you great stress. If they think they are causing you stress, maybe they will stop.
I agree..My son is 28.. and as a mom.. I worry about, not the things I know.. but the unknown of his life...but we have a deal .. If I stress and he says..'I can do this' then I have to let go...
Maybe just be honest with them and say.. I can do this.. when I cant I will of course talk with u...
I have had to let my kid spread his wings
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I try being honest and they don't believe me. I just have to wait until my job and perm and I don't have to deal with their controlling cr*p anymore and I don't have to seem them. Getting tied of them and hope when I'm out from there roof I don't have to seem them anymore.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
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Maybe if you look at your part in this situation, you'll understand a little better where your parents are coming from. I think they are coming from a place of love and worry for you. They just want the best for you. What role did you play in making them this way? Was it your drinking?
I would sit them down and have a discussion about this. I don't think age matters with parents. You are still living in their house. Work your program, stay sober and reach for the goal of having your own place. Your relationship should improve with communication and understanding.
Best Wishes To You!
I would sit them down and have a discussion about this. I don't think age matters with parents. You are still living in their house. Work your program, stay sober and reach for the goal of having your own place. Your relationship should improve with communication and understanding.
Best Wishes To You!
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
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Yes, you seem to be doing the right thing. Don't let your parents or anyone else bug you or in any way interfere or attempt to "supervise" your recovery. Your recovery is your decision and your job. Let's say your privilege Only you can do it. Avoid folks who would like you to resume drinking, folks who patronize you or want to get involved because it makes them feel superior in some way. The best friends you can have are other recovering alcoholics. They've been there, right where you are and they understand. Reach out to them and they will reach out to you. Good luck.
W.
W.
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You know, your parents are being there for you in your time of need. They are just concerned for you and love you, and if they don't trust you fully - well, there are a lot of people out there who have learned not to trust people who've had drug and alcohol problems.
You are living in their house, thanks to the problems you got yourself into (debt) and their generosity (nobody *has* to let their 28-year-old come home to save money).
And yet you are filled with resentment and say that when you leave, you hope you don't have to see them anymore. That doesn't seem like much of a way to thank them for putting a roof over your head when you need it.
Maybe you would find everything easier to understand if you put yourself in their shoes and see how they're trying to love and protect you. Three months is great, but if they've had years of worry, it will take them some time to start to trust you again. Start practicing gratitude instead of fostering resentment. It might even make your recovery easier.
You are living in their house, thanks to the problems you got yourself into (debt) and their generosity (nobody *has* to let their 28-year-old come home to save money).
And yet you are filled with resentment and say that when you leave, you hope you don't have to see them anymore. That doesn't seem like much of a way to thank them for putting a roof over your head when you need it.
Maybe you would find everything easier to understand if you put yourself in their shoes and see how they're trying to love and protect you. Three months is great, but if they've had years of worry, it will take them some time to start to trust you again. Start practicing gratitude instead of fostering resentment. It might even make your recovery easier.
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instant. Here are some examples. When I got my own place with my brother my mother would come over without calling and clean up the place aka look around. Mind you this was before I had any issue with alcohol. She would stay over at the place all day even when I was not there. She would always get in to my mail and friends business. She kick out my girlfriend at the time because she was sleeping over. She would call me 3 to 6 times a day and asking me where I am. Even though I live away from my parents place. I never did and I never have privacy from them. I have anxiety and depression issues. I have finally learn how to deal with them without alcohol even though I start to abuse alcohol after a big break up with a girl a few years back. Stupid but I can't change that. Lucky I never like to take drugs minus alcohol.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Sounds like you and your parents could both use some practice with setting boundaries.
You could suggest that your mom try Al-Anon. Snooping and trying to control what an alcoholic does is sick behavior. Understandable, but not healthy.
YOU, OTOH, can set some boundaries of your own. Best thing, of course, would be to remove yourself from their home and then you can legally insist that they respect your privacy. You lock your door and don't give mom the key. Simple.
In the meantime, it's your choice whether to trade off your privacy for space in their home. As much as they "should" respect it, you don't have much of a leg to stand on as long as you're there.
Al-Anon would probably help your mom a LOT.
You could suggest that your mom try Al-Anon. Snooping and trying to control what an alcoholic does is sick behavior. Understandable, but not healthy.
YOU, OTOH, can set some boundaries of your own. Best thing, of course, would be to remove yourself from their home and then you can legally insist that they respect your privacy. You lock your door and don't give mom the key. Simple.
In the meantime, it's your choice whether to trade off your privacy for space in their home. As much as they "should" respect it, you don't have much of a leg to stand on as long as you're there.
Al-Anon would probably help your mom a LOT.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Lexie said it all. I hope your mother considers Alanon, but I also know this can be as hard as an alcoholic seeing he needs AA (or whatever). You are left with you and your boundaries to work on, regardless, whether you are living with them or not. Once I started working on boundaries and the like, I felt a giant load lifted from me. I wish the same for you!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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First of all, congratulations on (almost) 3 months - that's awesome!
I know what it's like to have controlling parents - I had to move back in with mine when I was 25, after living on my own for several years. I couldn't wait to get out of there. They had their own routine and that alone was hard to adapt to. They also had lots of ideas about what was best for me. I knew what I was doing (found a great job and an apartment within a month), but the questions and "helpful" suggestions were never-ending. I don't get angry that easily, but felt like I was ready to explode the whole time I was there.
I'm 58 now and living 700+ miles away from them, and I still get the same questions. I think I've finally accepted that it's the way they are. My mom especially is a worrier - I think most of her behavior comes from fear. Her kids and their lives keep her pretty busy (!) and as much as it drives me crazy, I try to remember she's just looking for reassurance.
My mom wasn't around when I was drinking and doesn't know all the details, so it would be weird for me to suggest going to Al-Anon. But I do have boundaries (what I will and won't talk to her about). It would be great if your mom was open to going to a meeting, or even just doing some reading on co-dependancy. I also agree that talking to her about your feelings would be really helpful.
Thanks for posting this - it made me realize that I've had some real resentments about this too. The parent-child relationship is always messy. I'm really proud of you for doing so well. Any idea when you'll be able to move out? If you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it will help you get through this. Hang in there - you have my sympathy!!
I know what it's like to have controlling parents - I had to move back in with mine when I was 25, after living on my own for several years. I couldn't wait to get out of there. They had their own routine and that alone was hard to adapt to. They also had lots of ideas about what was best for me. I knew what I was doing (found a great job and an apartment within a month), but the questions and "helpful" suggestions were never-ending. I don't get angry that easily, but felt like I was ready to explode the whole time I was there.
I'm 58 now and living 700+ miles away from them, and I still get the same questions.
I think I've finally accepted that it's the way they are. My mom especially is a worrier - I think most of her behavior comes from fear. Her kids and their lives keep her pretty busy (!) and as much as it drives me crazy, I try to remember she's just looking for reassurance. My mom wasn't around when I was drinking and doesn't know all the details, so it would be weird for me to suggest going to Al-Anon. But I do have boundaries (what I will and won't talk to her about). It would be great if your mom was open to going to a meeting, or even just doing some reading on co-dependancy. I also agree that talking to her about your feelings would be really helpful.
Thanks for posting this - it made me realize that I've had some real resentments about this too. The parent-child relationship is always messy. I'm really proud of you for doing so well. Any idea when you'll be able to move out? If you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it will help you get through this. Hang in there - you have my sympathy!!
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