15 days!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The midwest
Posts: 7
15 days!
Hello everyone! I am still here, haven't posted much, just been reading a lot of posts and taking in all the advice.
I haven't had a drop of alcohol for 15 days, or a cig either! I wasn't technically a smoker, but would chain smoke any time I drank. I guess I was a part-time cig smoker. Anyway, I am feeling great and proud of myself right now! I have had a few rough days, cravings were pretty bad. Not sure if it's for the booze or the cigs, but either way, the cravings sucked. I made it through and feel very happy for doing so!
I am a little worried how the weekend will go as I was starting to crave earlier, but I just have to keep strong and say NO. I was thinking earlier about if I could isolate a pattern to my drinking, like thoughts that I felt specifically on those days, etc. I have come to realize that sometimes when I would drink and get drunk that I really wouldn't even want to. Seems like I did it sometimes because my brain told me I HAD TO. Like I was doing some form of self sabatoging. Like I know this is bad and horrible for me, but maybe I want to do bad stuff to myself for some unknown reason (at least unknown right now).. I am not sure on that, but it's something I need to think about.
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
I haven't had a drop of alcohol for 15 days, or a cig either! I wasn't technically a smoker, but would chain smoke any time I drank. I guess I was a part-time cig smoker. Anyway, I am feeling great and proud of myself right now! I have had a few rough days, cravings were pretty bad. Not sure if it's for the booze or the cigs, but either way, the cravings sucked. I made it through and feel very happy for doing so!
I am a little worried how the weekend will go as I was starting to crave earlier, but I just have to keep strong and say NO. I was thinking earlier about if I could isolate a pattern to my drinking, like thoughts that I felt specifically on those days, etc. I have come to realize that sometimes when I would drink and get drunk that I really wouldn't even want to. Seems like I did it sometimes because my brain told me I HAD TO. Like I was doing some form of self sabatoging. Like I know this is bad and horrible for me, but maybe I want to do bad stuff to myself for some unknown reason (at least unknown right now).. I am not sure on that, but it's something I need to think about.
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Ah, yes, I was the queen of self-sabotage and it took me a long time to figure it out. Everytime things would start going well, I would mess up. I realized that things going well made me anxious. I understood failure having been told that I was a failure from early childhood. It was comfortable in a sad way. I had to stop and made a decision that I deserved a good life. We all do!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The midwest
Posts: 7
Yes, you are right Anna, we all do deserve a good life!
It's just so darn hard for me to imagine not drinking again. I know I am not supposed to think of it like that, more on the day-to-day level, but I tend to obsess over things! Especially things I am told I can't have! Like when you go on a diet, all you can think about is french fries and ice cream : )
I also think my drinking was out of habit since it had been such a routine since my college days (32 now). Or maybe I used alcohol as something to cure the routine boredom.
It's just so darn hard for me to imagine not drinking again. I know I am not supposed to think of it like that, more on the day-to-day level, but I tend to obsess over things! Especially things I am told I can't have! Like when you go on a diet, all you can think about is french fries and ice cream : )
I also think my drinking was out of habit since it had been such a routine since my college days (32 now). Or maybe I used alcohol as something to cure the routine boredom.
It just keeps getting better, tho it can be rough going early on. Don't give up tho, cause it will get better.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Boo2Booze,
What an amazingly different comment about the chain smoking only while drinking. I was a chain smoker 24/7, and I progressed much slower. At your age I was a social drinker only, with a rare overindulgence/drunk once every six months to a year or two.
I still drink, I just don't drink alcohol. If I am in a setting where everyone is drinking alcohol I will order a non-alcoholic mixed drink. (I'll have a scotch and water, rocks and a twist . . .hold the scotch please.) Not because I want to simulate drinking but only when I feel I am lacking the "drink." Usually I have a Coke, Iced Tea, or coffee. Almost nine months ago I quit my three packs a day smoking habit and my 20-30 units of alcohol-a-day-drinking from wake up to sleeping.
I did manage to quit smoking once for 18 months and then tried just one and was back to my then 2 pack a day habit within three days. It took me almost 20 years to get free of the smokes again last year. Along with the alcohol.
I hear a lot here about the fact of never drinking alcohol again to be a scary or sad thought. I don't like the buzz or taste of alcohol at all anymore. In fact I think I was allergic to it in some ways. I can remember many times looking myself in the mirror with a beer or a drink in hand and saying I don't even like the taste of this stuff why can't I lick it.
My perspective is like this. I read about and see addicts in the news that are in the same boat. They can't imagine a life without the drugs they use for comfort/support/indifference/escape.
I have spent my whole life without becoming addicted to any drugs other than Nicotine, Ethanol, and Caffeine. I cannot get in touch with missing not having (insert the drug name here) for the rest of my life. That not being judgemental, just actual as I am not addicted to it.
For non-drinkers and now including me, I can't get in touch with what the big deal is about never drinking alcohol again.
I stopped coming here because I didn't want to read about the person with more time than me who relapsed by talking themselves into the delusion that they could drink "normally" or at least control it and stop after one drink. Those posts made it seem like it was inevirtable to have a compulsion that strong and have to start over again. So from my third month until just recently I stopped by sporadically just to let friends know I was doing fine and was sober. I avoided posts like yours because I haven't gone through that relapse to tell you how to avoid it.
I am no longer that new to being sober and never touching an alcoholic drink for life is a solid fact for me. It is part of my makeup. I no longer wish I could drink normally.
Although I never had any trouble with the law or drove while drinking, and was highly successful in several careers, and did not have aggression issues or people to apologize to after, No blackouts or public scenes, or private scenes for that matter. I knew that if I didn't stop when I did I would be there too eventually. (except for the aggression I think.)
My children are your age or close.
I am 59 now, and I don't have another 18-20 years of relapse available before quitting again left in me, if I start abusing myself that much again.
You are at the start and over the physical detox. If you relapse like I did at your age for smoking, you may likely be where I was last year, and maybe determined enough to make it permanent. And miraculously lucky enough to have no left over ills from it, as I am so far.
I can't reclaim the last twenty years. You can reclaim the rest of your life. Starting with your last drink 16 days ago. I already did that last September.
You are already ahead of me. I couldn't quit and had to check into in hospital detox for 7 days to get my start.
Remember, Hang in there, or Hang over!
What an amazingly different comment about the chain smoking only while drinking. I was a chain smoker 24/7, and I progressed much slower. At your age I was a social drinker only, with a rare overindulgence/drunk once every six months to a year or two.
I still drink, I just don't drink alcohol. If I am in a setting where everyone is drinking alcohol I will order a non-alcoholic mixed drink. (I'll have a scotch and water, rocks and a twist . . .hold the scotch please.) Not because I want to simulate drinking but only when I feel I am lacking the "drink." Usually I have a Coke, Iced Tea, or coffee. Almost nine months ago I quit my three packs a day smoking habit and my 20-30 units of alcohol-a-day-drinking from wake up to sleeping.
I did manage to quit smoking once for 18 months and then tried just one and was back to my then 2 pack a day habit within three days. It took me almost 20 years to get free of the smokes again last year. Along with the alcohol.
I hear a lot here about the fact of never drinking alcohol again to be a scary or sad thought. I don't like the buzz or taste of alcohol at all anymore. In fact I think I was allergic to it in some ways. I can remember many times looking myself in the mirror with a beer or a drink in hand and saying I don't even like the taste of this stuff why can't I lick it.
My perspective is like this. I read about and see addicts in the news that are in the same boat. They can't imagine a life without the drugs they use for comfort/support/indifference/escape.
I have spent my whole life without becoming addicted to any drugs other than Nicotine, Ethanol, and Caffeine. I cannot get in touch with missing not having (insert the drug name here) for the rest of my life. That not being judgemental, just actual as I am not addicted to it.
For non-drinkers and now including me, I can't get in touch with what the big deal is about never drinking alcohol again.
I stopped coming here because I didn't want to read about the person with more time than me who relapsed by talking themselves into the delusion that they could drink "normally" or at least control it and stop after one drink. Those posts made it seem like it was inevirtable to have a compulsion that strong and have to start over again. So from my third month until just recently I stopped by sporadically just to let friends know I was doing fine and was sober. I avoided posts like yours because I haven't gone through that relapse to tell you how to avoid it.
I am no longer that new to being sober and never touching an alcoholic drink for life is a solid fact for me. It is part of my makeup. I no longer wish I could drink normally.
Although I never had any trouble with the law or drove while drinking, and was highly successful in several careers, and did not have aggression issues or people to apologize to after, No blackouts or public scenes, or private scenes for that matter. I knew that if I didn't stop when I did I would be there too eventually. (except for the aggression I think.)
My children are your age or close.
I am 59 now, and I don't have another 18-20 years of relapse available before quitting again left in me, if I start abusing myself that much again.
You are at the start and over the physical detox. If you relapse like I did at your age for smoking, you may likely be where I was last year, and maybe determined enough to make it permanent. And miraculously lucky enough to have no left over ills from it, as I am so far.
I can't reclaim the last twenty years. You can reclaim the rest of your life. Starting with your last drink 16 days ago. I already did that last September.
You are already ahead of me. I couldn't quit and had to check into in hospital detox for 7 days to get my start.
Remember, Hang in there, or Hang over!
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