ajangel

Maybe it is the 3-11 schedule or the antidepressants I started taking when I quit drinking. I'm not sure. I do know that I feel as though I am just living my life day to day and that is all. Feeling this week like I have no joy. Apathetic so to speak. I try daily to find something positive but its not working this week. I am lonely but I don't really want to be around anyone. I don't feel depressed or a real strong urge to drink but I don't feel like doing anything. I can compare it to depression without the sadness if that makes sense. Living but not really "living". Auto pilot. Is this part of recovery? It is day 39 for me and I am hoping it is going to get better.

opmloser

Hi lpnangel-
Welcome to SR! You'll find many of us here that are on "autopilot", myself included. This site has been a Godsend for me as I thought I was ALONE in this world and everyone here has proven me wrong.
I've learned that the sad/sick thing about addiction is that it re-wires our bodies. Once we stop using, then we expect to be all better and back to "normal" 5 minutes ago....doesn't work that way. Our bodies have to re-learn how to function without the drugs/alcohol and that takes time. I'm still going through that and I lose patience but I'm hanging in there.
So hang with us!

EmeraldRose

I found that changing things worked for me -so things didn't seem so monotonous. Don't live by the clock (except for work, of course!) but do things differently.

Opps...speaking of clocks I gotta go to work....have a great sober day.

saphira

I have always had underlying depression issues, even before I started drinking. For me the worst kind of depression was not when I was sad...it was when I felt nothing. Not sad, not happy, not excited...just felt NOTHING. I have felt some of that again now that I've stopped drinking, but for me it comes and goes. I'm "nothing" sometimes and other times I'm almost ridiculously happy. I think we just need to ride with the waves for a bit... hang on and wait for calmer (happier) seas.

Anna

Maybe it's time to add some new and interesting things to your life?

And, how about daily exercising? That can really help.

Ainslie

Maybe talk to your doctor about the anti-depressants, it might be time to try something different, or adjust your dosage. I was on some that made me feel apathetic and wasnt comfortable feeling that way, I actually ended up stopping those pills altogether and felt much better.

Honestly, I find that an hours exercise a day works better than any anti-depressant ive been on.....having said that I am not diagnosed as clinically depressed, but it does make a huge difference for a lot of people.....even just a brisk walk, nothing too strenuous

ajangel

My physician only put me on it for 3 months. I think I am going to need to adjust the dose. I was feeling good for the first month but its diminishing. I am not willing to go off of them right now. I have not been diagnosed as clinically depressed either. However, I am not willing to go off of them yet. I feel it is helping me maintain an even strain with emotions I am feeling in these early days of sobriety. I love to exercise too. We have a gym at my complex but I just can't seem to find the motivation to get my butt up before work and go down there. I am not clinically overweight and my job is very active but if I keep this up, I will be.

Ainslie

Fair enough - I was on remeron and went from 30mg to 45mg after about 3 months and felt better - I started to feel apathetic at around the 8 month mark and stopped them altogether, then felt amazing lol. I understand you not wanting to stop taking them this early in sobriety

I know how hard it can be to get into exercise - but ive never felt worse after a workout than before I started it.....can you not use the gym after work? I know they say exercise is more beneficial at certain times of the day, but I reckon anytime is better than no time!!!

hibou

I have nothing here to offer but my own experiences... I have been on all the meds available and now (i don't know if it is right or wrong) but I am off all of them. I have gone through the ups and the downs but I bear in mind that neither will last and neither will kill me. I seriously hate to quote the counsellors at the last rehab centre I went to (because they were too rigid, their way or no way) but one thing they instilled in me that you have to feel your feelings. And this I believe is true. if you feel like crap sit with it, it will go away. And to the same token if you feel great, enjoy it, because it too will go away. It is life really, you have to live with good times and bad.

ajangel

erikm02

Thanks for this. I've been sober for about a month now, and I feel just like the original poster. I think the anti-depressants were just balancing out the alcohol (depressant) in my system. Will talk to my doc on Monday... Thanks!