plumcrazy3742

well hello. my name is diesel. i been suffering with drugs most my like. you name it i have done it except needles. my problem i have always had to take wore then everyone else to prove i could. for example in the acid days i could eat 25 4 way window pains at once. in the coke days i could snot a 8 ball in one line. my favorite was always special k lol who ever thought about free basing a horse tranqulizer was begging for problems lol. i have always pushed my body to the limit.i should be dead. from maybe the at least 100,000 hits of acid i have takin and im only 31. i quit hard illegal drugs one night when i almost died from overdose. started my day with 8 paxils and downed them with a fifth of 100 proof vodka then started smoking weed and opium then went to the bar and drank some more vodka and a friend showed up and i ate 8 hits of angel acid and smoked alot more opium then went to a friends house and he had the brown 90% pure cocaine and insisted i take a huge line so a nice 6 inch line of that pure stuff went up my nose and that was it. 6 hours of dry heaving and stomach pumped and 3 days in detox hearing them tell me how lucky i was to live then what did i do get out and 3 days later shove 45 darvocets down my throat and i tell ya i never felt a more intense high in my life then i got to take a fun ride in the ambulance get my stomach pumped again and i dont even remember any of it. another smart one was when me and 2 friends locked ourselves in a van for 3 days and downed 2 oz. of coke 1 lb. of weed any 200 hits of acid in three days. i was voted the least likely to succeed at my high school now im one of the only ones with a collage degree and a career. i have a wife and 3 kids. they are my life and i could not ask for a more wonderful wife and family. now i have been clean of all illegal drugs for 5 years except pot but a oz. lasts me 3 years so i would not call that a bad habit. i drink maybe once a year so no prob. there. now i broke my hand 3 years ago and the bone on the back of my hand grew back wrong and being a diesel mechanic i have to use my hands alot which causes alot of pain and also 2 years ago diagnoticed with two herniated disks in my back. they wanted me to do trigger point injections but i wont. way too many horror stories about them. so of course the pills started. a recipe for disaster. lortab 10/650, soma 350, and valium 10. wtf do docs think when they perscribe all these combined. lucky for me i dont like downers so the somas hardly ever take maybe twice a month. the valium also a downer either 1 10mg or i break it in half before bedtime sometimes every night before bed but mostly every other night but usually only 5mg or im to tired to work in the morning so im not bad on them. but the lortabs have got me hooked bad. i dont feel anything and i have tons of energy i feel like superman. at the height of this habit i was up too 30 a day . these pills have been the hardest thing to get off of. out of all the drugs i have done i have never got addicted but these are horriably addictive. i have pushed my family and friends away due to these pills. i make about 80 grand a year and i would say a good 15 grand goes to pills. i dont pay enough time to my family cause im too worried about when im gonna eat more and get more. they are too easy for me to get. my friend gets 10 scripts of 120 a day so there always there but i have weined myself down to three a day and i have just bought my last 20 today to wein the rest of the way off. i have spent all my and my wifes hard earned money on these demons and i cant do it no more. i cry alot cause all i miss cause im too busy speeding all the time. so it three a day for 2 days then 2 a day for 2 days then 1 a day for 2 days then the left overs are just there that if the withdrawels get too bad at work i can take a half of one cause i cant miss work. i love my family with so much love i could never explain. more then all the stars in the skys. so i got to do it for them. in my wein down process i went straight from 20 a day to 4 a day so it was a big jump but the withdrawals were not horriable of course i take immodium and i been eating alot of bananas for potasium also a very strong multi and herbal vitamin and i take valium before bed and it relaxes me enough that i can get a good 6 hours of deep sleep. the main things helping me is the cross on my neck so god is helping me through this. now im in no way a religious man but it was time to change that and since i put the cross on my neck and begged for gods help my withdrawal symptoms have been alot better and my family no matter how hard it is and how bad i feel i have to pull myself together and be there for them. i have slacked off at work making only half what i usually make because these pills and i have lost 40lbs in one year. im not complaining about the weight loss i got my 6 pack is back but it has been a very un healthy way to do it. by next monday i plan to be off these and i hope it goes as easy as possiable. i think my body is starting to get used to the withdrawal symptoms cause i have withdraweled many times when i could not get some or ate them all so im kinda used to the feeling. now im sorry to all that i wrote a story but i dont talk to nobody about this im ashamed of it and i know i have to beat it myself i have to have the will power. thanks to all that read my story and keep me in your prayers and you will be in mine. these pills are the devil and im strong enough to beat the devil. thank you

nandm

to SR

My experience is with alcoholism so I really do not have any experience with what you are going through to share with you. But I am sure someone will be along soon who can share with you.

I just wanted to welcome you in the meantime

Dee74

Welcome to SR plumcrazy
have you ever looked for real life support as well, like NA or something like that ?

D

EmeraldRose

Welcome Plumcrazy! Glad you're here.

plumcrazy3742

yes i have. hell even been to rehab. but the simple fact is i have to want to get off them which i dont but i have no choice no more. i dont have the money and i have not seen my son from a privous relationship for a month but not because i dont want to but because i dont want him to see his daddy this way. this is a evil i have to beat myself and i know i can only beat it myself. my wife keeps me away from it but she cant go to work with me and i can get them there also so today i gave her my bank card all my cash and my check book so i have no money to get them. i have to beat this not only for myself but for my wife and kids. my dad had similar problems but with alcohol he was drinking 4 fifths of vodka a day they gave him 30 days to live and i actually slapped him around and stayed with him now he has been clean 7 years. now its my turn. i came on here cause i know i dont have to be ashamed cause all of us have battled addiction in one way or another and i thank everyone here.

Dee74

I was an alcoholic but I was always determined to do it myself too.
Turns out for me reaching out and asking for help was my turning point

I don't believe anybody has to do this alone.

You'll find a lot of support here anyway, PC
D