60andbeyond

Day 64 and I'm just plain GRUMPY. I thought about drinking for a moment today. I just thought - okay, how long do I need to feel like crap when I'm doing the right thing? 6 months? Really?? It's so frustrating to do everything right and then still seem to struggle. Sure I'm better but... it's really hard work. Yes I'm capable of hard work.

I've had a lot of stress and today someone that I have a restraining order against and was in jail for abuse is being released. Needless to say I've been stressed out and on edge knowing that he's out there again. Part of the reason he was so abusive was because he was so angry when he drank, which was every night. That should be yet another reason not to even think of alcohol yet my brain is trying to tell me that if I have some champagne, it will be a celebration! That's so awful. Stop it, brain!

I've stayed busy all day but I just feel angry at everything right now. I'm not an angry person. I guess I'm just having a woe-is-me-moment and yeah champagne sounds really good but god that would be stupid. I'll hang tough and I'll even forgive myself if I have some chocolate.



Thanks for letting me vent. I think I'm just on edge knowing he's out there and I never realized how much it would effect me once the date arrived. I wish I lived on my own private reserve or at least lived a billion miles away from that guy so I don't have to even think or wonder about "bumping" into him.

Bleh. I'm also very worried I'm going to pick a fight with my boyfriend tonight when I see him or blow up at some random little thing. I hate that. I hope I can keep it together. Wait - I can. I can I can I can I can. :/

(drama queen moment)

suki44883

Are you doing anything for recovery, or are you just not drinking?

Anna

What kinds of things are you doing to deal with your recovery?

If you feel threatened by this person, take precautions and try to not be alone and keep your cell phone on you at all times.

1undone

Hang in there just posting this here should help you out. I'm playing games with my own alcoholic thinking too. SUX! But it's all part of the process.

60andbeyond

I have lots of meetings, therapy, groups - not just for this but also the domestic violence issue. There's an order out, I carry mace :-] ... I'm very safe and careful. It was just a nice, freeing feeling while he was away where I didn't have to think about him.

I'm definitely taking care of myself and I've been very strong. Today I just feel the stress of knowing I have to be extra careful where I go and it triggered that bad part in my brain. I felt better after I just posted it.

Thanks for "listening"

Dee74

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself

Early recovery was an emotional rollercoaster for me, but everything settled down eventually.

I also think we face days that would stress anyone sometimes - it hits us harder though because we're not used to dealing with things without our crutch

It takes time to get a feeling of equilibrium yeah - but everything good takes time really

Hang in there...don't leave now!

D

coffeenut

Yes you can do it! I always try and remember that when I deal with something like this sober, it gives me strength to deal with the next thing in my world. And to deal with it sober.

Glad you are here.

EmeraldRose

I know how you feel about the 'freeing feeling'. My ex had an order, too...not that he honored it all the time but at least I knew it was in place. He smashed a windshield, broke house gas lines, killed my cat...I didn't know what he was really capable of it his mind was set. Just be careful out there...stay in public, keep your phone on and put 911 in your emergency section.
I'm glad you have support...this too shall pass...!

One of my AA group members was crabby 2 weeks ago. We teased him and would growl at him. LOL He felt better by the time he left -knowing we care and we understood. Everyone has their days.

Wishing you peace and strength.