WINNC

I need some advice.

Good news is I am 40 days sober and feeling great. My wife has become more and more supportive but a lot of our friends keep asking why are you no longer drinking. I prefer not to give all the details of my reasons to quit but I am getting kind of tired of just saying I quit and they keep asking what is the real reason. Fortunately I was not arrested, did not lose my job or cause a fight but it was obvious my drinking was out of control and a lot of the drinking was done alone so my friends never really saw me drunk or realized I was abusing painkillers.

They also keep asking my wife and she would like to be able to tell them something so they will quit asking. We can not just hide in the house.

Any advice would be appreciated- thanks

TheTinMan

Tell them you had an allergic reaction to alcohol. Tell them it was so severe that you don't even use hand sanitizer now in fear of breaking out in a rash.

I did not have a lot of friends ask me why I quit drinking. Most of my "friends" hung out in bars. When I stopped drinking I stopped hanging out in bars so there was no one to ask me that often.

SSIL75

I'm surprised people are asking. Most of us have found that people really don't care and the fact that we assume people will obsess about it as much as we do is just another symptom of our alcoholism.

A few close people know I'm in recovery. If anyone else asks (they haven't, yet) I think I'll say it was depressing me (alcohol). Which, it was

WINNC

Thanks - I quit going to bars. This is at the pool after work with kids, at family cookouts and at dinners with friends. Its getting kind of tiring

TheTinMan

This makes no sense to me. I don't get this from friends and family. Very few people even mention my drinking unless it's to ask when was the last time I drank. When I tell them 7 months they seem happy for me.

40 days sober is awesome but how many dinners, cookouts and afternoons at the pool have you done in those 40 days?

EmeraldRose

Congratulations on the sober time.

As far as nosey neighbors go...maybe they've run out of people to talk about and need good juicy story to feed on for awhile. I think they need to concentrate on their own lives and muchless time on worrying about you.
You could lie....or tell them you have an irreversable progressive disease.

Dee74

I quit for my health is a good nondescript and not untrue answer.

These days I don't even bother with that - 'I don't drink/drink anymore, thanks' is all anyone really needs to know.

D

ACT10Npack

It's really up to you how much information you want them to know about your alcohol issues and why you quit. I always like the less they know the better. Always never lie about why you quit or don't drink because you can't keep your story straight on why you don't drink in the first place. When telling them the true don't give too much information and also don't let them get you to go into detail about it. It's general non of anyone business why you don't drink and you should keep it that way for good judging people.

Dee74 says it right about how to say it.

BobGT

I told friends that drinking started causing me to have bad dreams and night sweats. And that I quit drinking because the bad nights outweighed any fun from drinking. And that was the truth. I got a few strange looks, but mostly people said it made sense to them.

But just tell friends whatever feels comfortable to you. Soon it will all be "old news."

billsaintjames

Dee's answer is great - "I quit for my health". No one can argue with that, and most people probably won't want to dig any deeper (healthy is a personal thing, after all). I also say "I just don't like it anymore". If they ask why not? "I just don't." The old broken record routine.

lovingit

I say "I can't, I ain't no kid anymore". I think when we're young it's ok to experiment, but when we have homes, kids, and careers it just doesn't fly anymore.

flutter

My standard answer for the "why" of it has always been, "I drank too much, now I don't"... but it's been a very rare occasion where I felt I had to answer that question with any more detail than that, if at all.

Soph

Winnc, I am in my 40's and I can totally relate to friends, family and work colleagues continuously asking. It has happened to me a lot and you know what, after awhile I relapsed last year in part because I felt like the more "my" circle continued to drink "responsibly" (at cookouts or work happy hours or just a dinner) the more I felt like I should be able to, as well.

So anyway, yes people do ask and yes it matters to them for some reason. Recently a friend in recovery pointed out that the people who usually press for answers are people who most likely are looking at their own drinking suspiciously on a subconscious level. Other light drinkers or non drinkers don't care or notice.

"I stopped drinking for a few weeks and it felt so great that I decided to stop forever" is always a good one. I recently told an old friend that. When she pressed me (really? not even a glass of wine?) I told her why would I ruin a good thing? Seriously - my sleep is improved, my mental acuity is better, I'm rising in the morning earlier and running more. Who can argue with that?

And then if they keep pressing, turn the question to them. Just say "I just stopped drinking, it isn't such a big deal, why are you so obsessed?" with a nice big smile...and turn the tables a bit. Tell your wife to as well. I mean what is the big deal? If you stopped drinking coffee, would they keep calling and asking about it?!

itsaboutime

During my periods of abstinance (I'm just off another relapse on day 5), I tell them that "I'm off it until lent"..... just to confuse them a little. When the ask further, I just tell them that "next lent, I'm gonna punish myself with hangovers as a sacrafice to god"... :-)

I'm weight training at the moment so, when I bulk up a bit, I'll just tell them I'm training and can't miss a session - can even lie that I have a session with a Personal Trainer the next morning. Can't really use this now as I'm a skinny fecker and they wouldn't believe me. :-)

CarolD

"I'm not drinking because I don't want to bring my kids up around alcohol"

Of course...this statement will not make you popular with parents who drink... drinkers are not usually able to see truth anyway...

Me? 'I quit drinking and joined AA" stopped any speculations.....

nodl5

i'm not drinking because i don't want to and i just feel better. want to go jogging?

Ranger

Depending on how friendly I am with the person inquiring about my abstinence, I offer a variant of the following two approaches:

"I decided drinking played too large a role in my life. Rather than moderate, I decided it was simpler to just quit."

"After a storied drinking career, I have retired."

subisbad

Good morning and may I congratulate you on seeing the issues of drinking and taking pain pills together. I used to do that yrs ago. Then it was just pain killers the past 14. I am now day 25 without anything! I would just simply say just want a change, to see how you feel with nothing. Like Dee74 say's, for health reasons! Amen to that. Keep it up. Keep it simple my friend. And quit while you're ahead! Way to go. Love~

subisbad

Very well said soph!

Missy7

"After a storied drinking career, I have retired."[/QUOTE]

Everywhere I go someone tells me about drinking. This is because I handled it very, very well in my non-bar life. My colleagues just thing I'm fun at parties. Yesterday, at an impromptu lunch, one colleague told me all about a new ice cream drink, and another told me (because I have finally found her favorite ginger ale) that Vernor's is great with bourbon. I told her, Oh, bourbon and ginger ale precede you my dear.

But to be brutally honest:

I know that I am not telling people because I'm not sure I will stay quit.

This is something I need to face. I am accountable to only two people who are consistently in my life. If I don't tell others, I don't have to worry. Now chew on that Missy (Melody).

When I'm sure, and I can see it from here, when people ask me if I want a drink at a party or an event, I will say, "No thank you."

If someone I give a damn about ever asks why not I will say:

"Because I am a genetic alcoholic. I was never a daily drinker but one drink and it's tomorrow--and not a pretty one."

Happy sober saturday my beloved compatriates.

I'll let y'all know when that happens.