resumebreakdown

So now I might be codependent?

It certainly is normal to keep an eye on those friends who repeatedly get hammered and try to drive home drunk.

I'm supposed to just let them roll out afterward so I can read in the paper how they hurt someone after leaving a party at [insert my name]'s house?

People aren't supposed to care about their friends?

I didn't assume anything about other partners. I only said that many drinkers would have caused a lot more damage when they were drinking if someone hadn't kept an eye on them.

How is this a bad thing?

Quse56

I personally feel that it is none of your business whether or not he really is an alcoholic since he believes he is and has decided to do something positive about it. It sounds to me like you are very invested in maintaining a certain level of control in your relationship, and this is something that you aren't able to control and that makes you uncomfortable. I agree with Littlefish that there is a bit of codependancy here, which is very common.

I suggest, as others have, that you seek out an Alanon group. You don't have to acknowledge his alcoholism in order to participate. In fact, I think you'll find a lot of support there from like-minded people.

In the interem, what is the harm in being supportive? AA is a positive environment (not a self help group) which empowers individuals to recover and then help others. It really doesn't matter if you "beleive in" the program... it's not your choice.

I was not a gutter drunk, nor do many members of my family agree with my self-diagnosis. My answer is that I am alcoholic enough for me, and they are supportive nontheless becasue they respect me. It really isn't anyone's business if I'm not hurting anyone (I beleive you mentioned that he is not, other than maybe not giving you the kind of attention a codependant typically requires).

You may also want to read the chapter "To Wives" in the AA Big Book.

I'm really grateful that my loved ones are supportive of my decision to make a positive impact on my life and the lives of others. I hope your husband can one day say the saem.

bellakeller

Obviously your husband feels enough pain to make changes. It might not be the changes you think he should make but he's in pain enough to try and get himself some help. I am sorry it's stressful.

Much love.

Pigtails

Recovering alcoholics. You act like people here were taking swigs of whiskey straight from the bottle in between giving her advice. Not true. I feel we are all here to learn and to help.

Since deciding to make positive changes in my life including cutting out the booze, I have been learning a lot about many areas of my life including past relationships. I feel I have some helpful insights and that many people on this forum have helped me. I have only been here for a few days but I feel it is rude of you to cut us down and discount our advice just because we have a drinking problem. No one is perfect, everyone has some problems! And some of the people giving her advice have been married just as long as she has and say they have strong marriages or are not currently having problems. So why wouldn't they be able to give marital advice? Not to mention the fact that she came here asking for our advice, so obviously she wants advice from recovering alcoholics (maybe she was thinking we would say her husband is not a true alcoholic like us? I don't know, but she came here and so we answer). I just don't get your comment at all and feel you are unnecessarily rude and condescending in the tone of your posts. In fact this is the first time I've had occasion to use this little guy:




Anyway. Dina I wish you the best and I hope you and your husband can get counseling and talk all of this through. I really think the issue is much bigger than alcohol but alcohol has probably played a part in it. I also think that is very common. And as others have mentioned, when one stops drinking one looks at all areas of their life and probably goes through some shocking revelations, and perhaps this is happening to your husband. I really hope you can support him because this is what he feels he needs to do. And I also hope you find support whereever you need it, here or from a therapist etc. Good luck.

littlefish

Welcome to SR resomebreakdown. I think we should pause to agree that Dina would benefit from our support so let's return our focus to Dina and her situation.

GettingStronger2

[QUOTE=Darklight;2993120]


You're in recovery you mean, right? =)



[QUOTE]

Can't answer for the person who posted, but while i still continue to work my program, i am recovered, so long as i remain in spiritually fit condition.

As for the back and forth about open meetings. Let me assure you all, not all open discussion meetings are as described. My home group is exclusively open meetings, but we discuss the solution, not our problems with alcohol, spouses, car accidents, hang nails, weed eaters or anything else. We stick to the big book, occasionally the 12 x 12, and discuss how we recovered, and how others can as well.

Mark75

Yea, you know, my home group has open discussion meetings and they are usually terrific... solution based shares, good topics... we balance these with BB study on another night...

I have recovered as well. That doesn't mean I stop doing the work.