Trying again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 51
Trying again
Ok, I am ready to try again!
I have just come off a weekend where I drank Fri, Sat, Sun... I didn't get stumbling drunk, but I am slowly realizing that even one beer just DOES something to me. It's like it permeates my mind, body, and soul...
I guess that's kinda the thing about being an alcoholic; booze affects you differently than other people.
I am going to scrap any notion of planned times of non-drinking, and use something that I learned from reading posts here: JUST WORRY ABOUT TODAY!
So here goes! Thanks everyone here on SR for sharing and offering support and advice, even reading other threads makes me feel like there is support out there.
I have just come off a weekend where I drank Fri, Sat, Sun... I didn't get stumbling drunk, but I am slowly realizing that even one beer just DOES something to me. It's like it permeates my mind, body, and soul...
I guess that's kinda the thing about being an alcoholic; booze affects you differently than other people.
I am going to scrap any notion of planned times of non-drinking, and use something that I learned from reading posts here: JUST WORRY ABOUT TODAY!
So here goes! Thanks everyone here on SR for sharing and offering support and advice, even reading other threads makes me feel like there is support out there.
I'm with you! We can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Hi, I think it's good that you're ready to try again, congrats. :-) I am new here and was debating whether I needed to moderate/limit my drinks or just stop drinking all together. What you said about just one drink affecting you really resonated with me. For me it's psychological I guess- I have gotten to the point where I can't wait to get off of work so I can have a drink at happy hour, or a beer at home... and as soon as I take the cap off the bottle and take the first drink it's like... release. I automatically feel "better", and then I've gotten to the point where I keep drinking to keep feeling that good feeling until it turns into way past tipsy and into drunk.
I've realized that when I drank less often I would occasionally hit this point where I was too drunk... crying, picking fights, feeling depressed etc. But now I'm so used to it or I drink so much that it's like I skip that stage. I drink until the end of the night when I can go to sleep better (aka pass out I guess) or if I'm with friends I'll stay over at one of their houses and have this period of depression or deep thinking or both before I go to bed... like I'm alone without really being alone.
It's weird. Because in some ways it's "better" that I skip over the really drunk stage (although I still have an embarrassing/obnoxious drunk-in-public stage where I think I'm the life of the party but I'm really just annoying), but long-term I know it is doing more damage to my health and psyche than when I would occasionally binge drink. And yes it all starts with craving that first drink and feeling instantly different: lighter, happier, more relaxed yet excited, and, worst of all, ready to keep drinking. It's like I've gotten to the point where drinking is the only time I don't feel anxious.
So anyway thinking about all of this and reading your post has helped cement my decision to not drink anything for awhile and see how I feel. I know I will feel so much better. But that I will also have to develop other coping mechanisms and deal with those feelings and anxiety for which I have formerly turned to alcohol. Thanks for sharing and good luck on your restart. :-)
I've realized that when I drank less often I would occasionally hit this point where I was too drunk... crying, picking fights, feeling depressed etc. But now I'm so used to it or I drink so much that it's like I skip that stage. I drink until the end of the night when I can go to sleep better (aka pass out I guess) or if I'm with friends I'll stay over at one of their houses and have this period of depression or deep thinking or both before I go to bed... like I'm alone without really being alone.
It's weird. Because in some ways it's "better" that I skip over the really drunk stage (although I still have an embarrassing/obnoxious drunk-in-public stage where I think I'm the life of the party but I'm really just annoying), but long-term I know it is doing more damage to my health and psyche than when I would occasionally binge drink. And yes it all starts with craving that first drink and feeling instantly different: lighter, happier, more relaxed yet excited, and, worst of all, ready to keep drinking. It's like I've gotten to the point where drinking is the only time I don't feel anxious.
So anyway thinking about all of this and reading your post has helped cement my decision to not drink anything for awhile and see how I feel. I know I will feel so much better. But that I will also have to develop other coping mechanisms and deal with those feelings and anxiety for which I have formerly turned to alcohol. Thanks for sharing and good luck on your restart. :-)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 51
Hmm.. I guess I don't really have a plan other than "don't drink"... but when I think about it, any kind of a timeline for how long this will last is pretty fuzzy.
All I see are oppurtunities down the line (4th of July, etc.) to drink.
I will work on a plan today. Thank you all! Suggestions are welcome.
All I see are oppurtunities down the line (4th of July, etc.) to drink.
I will work on a plan today. Thank you all! Suggestions are welcome.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 51
I have done 30 days of no drinking twice in the last 12 years (since I started drinking) and I remember feeling great.
So its kind of like I can see the "promised land". The fact that I know this and still drink causes me to be angry with myself and get a bit depressed; it all feeds the cycle I guess.
But the effect of alcohol on me is pervasive, like I said, and I'm learning from this site that it isn't just me.
A few beers will affect me mentally for a few days sometimes! I will not be as confident, energetic, or ambitious until its been about 5 days at least. Then I think I seek alcohol for pleasure, which leads back into using it to numb the pain of self-anger until I get so mad at myself I stop for a few days.
And round and round we go... well, day 2 right now! just trying to keep myself focused on THIS day!
So its kind of like I can see the "promised land". The fact that I know this and still drink causes me to be angry with myself and get a bit depressed; it all feeds the cycle I guess.
But the effect of alcohol on me is pervasive, like I said, and I'm learning from this site that it isn't just me.
A few beers will affect me mentally for a few days sometimes! I will not be as confident, energetic, or ambitious until its been about 5 days at least. Then I think I seek alcohol for pleasure, which leads back into using it to numb the pain of self-anger until I get so mad at myself I stop for a few days.
And round and round we go... well, day 2 right now! just trying to keep myself focused on THIS day!
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi Reed-
Self knowledge is great, don't get me wrong, but it did little to get and keep me sober.
I need to take action.
Quite simply, the same me will drink again, and again, and again.
Maybe this is true with you too?
Kjell~
Self knowledge is great, don't get me wrong, but it did little to get and keep me sober.
I need to take action.
Quite simply, the same me will drink again, and again, and again.
Maybe this is true with you too?
Kjell~
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