New to the boards: Binge drinker
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 1
New to the boards: Binge drinker
Dear TSRC members....
Firstly I'd like to say a big "thank you". I just discovered this site today, and whilst it's true that I am intoxicated right now, I know that being truthful with yourself is the only path to recovery...so I am recording my travels on my PC this evening in the true hope I remember everything.
What drew me to this site was the anecdotes about binge drinking (mainly), I am now 33 but binge drinking has been part of my life since I was 14. I have known I have had a problem with alcohol since I was 18, but it has been very easy to disguise until now...but now I truley want to drink everyday and my own family are seeing me tear myself apart, I'm becoming a monster.
I have a good career, a loving partner and three kids - so plenty to live for, but every day I have the same inner battle, the same argument...when I finish work, I know I will drink and I know where that will lead me, but I still do it every single time. I know I am a drunk.
I hate myself more every day and that makes it just a little bit easier to justify being an inane, drunk **** all the time...it certainly makes it easier to justify after a day of work... feeling royally low about yourself, when in reality I should be feeling good, as I do a lot of good things in my work, but I seem to shore up all the stresses as an EXCUSE to get plastered...
I'm not a stupid guy, I am well educated and I know my onions, yet around alcohol I'm like Beavis and Butthead's concience i.e. what concience!? I just don't seem to be normal. People have certainly noticed how excessive I get at times but I've done very well at talking up my "party" lifestyle to excuse it and worringly I've now got people looking up to me for giudance, and it's when that started happenining I realised I couldn't live like this anymore... ITS NOT REAL....At the end of the day I JUST LIKE TO GET DRUNK.
I have managed to stop drinking previously for one whole year...but I'd call myself in that year A SOBER DRUNK. Although I stayed off the booze I was miserable, I had no libido and I had no fun...How do I live normally? I can't go through that again.
The festive period in the UK is such that I got back on the wagon very easily. I really hope some of the wiser folks on here can give me some solid advice about how to stop without feeliing like I've just made the worst decision of my life...
I've already had a few incidents with the police (domestic breach of the peace) and I've already made my own strides in discussing this with an addiction councellor in Glasgow, but right now my behavior hasn't changed, I'm still binge drinking and I hate myself for it more and more, and I need to be honest; I need HELP and FAST otherwise I fear my entire life will collapse around me.
Firstly I'd like to say a big "thank you". I just discovered this site today, and whilst it's true that I am intoxicated right now, I know that being truthful with yourself is the only path to recovery...so I am recording my travels on my PC this evening in the true hope I remember everything.
What drew me to this site was the anecdotes about binge drinking (mainly), I am now 33 but binge drinking has been part of my life since I was 14. I have known I have had a problem with alcohol since I was 18, but it has been very easy to disguise until now...but now I truley want to drink everyday and my own family are seeing me tear myself apart, I'm becoming a monster.
I have a good career, a loving partner and three kids - so plenty to live for, but every day I have the same inner battle, the same argument...when I finish work, I know I will drink and I know where that will lead me, but I still do it every single time. I know I am a drunk.
I hate myself more every day and that makes it just a little bit easier to justify being an inane, drunk **** all the time...it certainly makes it easier to justify after a day of work... feeling royally low about yourself, when in reality I should be feeling good, as I do a lot of good things in my work, but I seem to shore up all the stresses as an EXCUSE to get plastered...
I'm not a stupid guy, I am well educated and I know my onions, yet around alcohol I'm like Beavis and Butthead's concience i.e. what concience!? I just don't seem to be normal. People have certainly noticed how excessive I get at times but I've done very well at talking up my "party" lifestyle to excuse it and worringly I've now got people looking up to me for giudance, and it's when that started happenining I realised I couldn't live like this anymore... ITS NOT REAL....At the end of the day I JUST LIKE TO GET DRUNK.
I have managed to stop drinking previously for one whole year...but I'd call myself in that year A SOBER DRUNK. Although I stayed off the booze I was miserable, I had no libido and I had no fun...How do I live normally? I can't go through that again.
The festive period in the UK is such that I got back on the wagon very easily. I really hope some of the wiser folks on here can give me some solid advice about how to stop without feeliing like I've just made the worst decision of my life...
I've already had a few incidents with the police (domestic breach of the peace) and I've already made my own strides in discussing this with an addiction councellor in Glasgow, but right now my behavior hasn't changed, I'm still binge drinking and I hate myself for it more and more, and I need to be honest; I need HELP and FAST otherwise I fear my entire life will collapse around me.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When my drinking turned me into a woman I detested....I decided to quit and join AA.....and it's been an awesome adventure in learning how to live and enjoy it..
all my best to you and your family....Welcome to SR...
all my best to you and your family....Welcome to SR...
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR.
I am like Carol, I was not able to quit until I found AA. I did do a lot of periods of stopping drinking for a while, once for a year, but I would only wind right back up drinking once again. Plus all I could think of was when I would have enough time to be able to quit and drink again like a "normal" drinker. What I failed to realize is that an alcoholic will never be a "normal" drinker.
I am like Carol, I was not able to quit until I found AA. I did do a lot of periods of stopping drinking for a while, once for a year, but I would only wind right back up drinking once again. Plus all I could think of was when I would have enough time to be able to quit and drink again like a "normal" drinker. What I failed to realize is that an alcoholic will never be a "normal" drinker.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Welcome to SR Chimera
A counselor "invited"me to my first meeting. Was a total surprise they even existed.
What an eye-opener too !?! Thirty something people of all ages (and lengths of sobriety ) sharing about how they manage their lives sober. Joking, laughing, and plenty of heartfelt messages.
It's not for everyone, maybe. But the folks in AA , along with this site, really have a lot to share.
Sounds like you have a lot to live for.
.
A counselor "invited"me to my first meeting. Was a total surprise they even existed.
What an eye-opener too !?! Thirty something people of all ages (and lengths of sobriety ) sharing about how they manage their lives sober. Joking, laughing, and plenty of heartfelt messages.
It's not for everyone, maybe. But the folks in AA , along with this site, really have a lot to share.
Sounds like you have a lot to live for.
.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome to SR Chimera
I found support was vital for me...I hope you'll at least become a regular visitor here and read some stories, get some ideas, make some changes...
This place really helped me turn my life around - I hope we can help you do the same
D
I found support was vital for me...I hope you'll at least become a regular visitor here and read some stories, get some ideas, make some changes...
This place really helped me turn my life around - I hope we can help you do the same
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
I was a binge drinker too. It took over 1 and half years to break the cycle I was going through. I went through a lot in that time. I got 2 DUIs quit my job which I was getting pay good and went into debt which I was really good with money before then. I learn how to deal with my problems and using alcohol was not helping one bit. I decided that I need to stop drinking alcohol and learn that life can get better which it did. I stop feeling sorry for myself. I don't have cravings. I'm working now and getting my debts paid off and life feels good now. I wish I didn't have to go through that but I can't change the past but focus on the future.
I can understand that life can get boring without alcohol but did you ever have fun without alcohol before? Are you looking for that quick high in life? From what you wrote your only using alcohol to get drunk at home or at parties. You don't seem like you want to be a social drinker but just a college drinker. Those are 2 different things for sure.
I don't know what treatment will work for you but when you know your ready to change then there is AA SOS and SMART for recovery. Good luck and welcome to SR.
I can understand that life can get boring without alcohol but did you ever have fun without alcohol before? Are you looking for that quick high in life? From what you wrote your only using alcohol to get drunk at home or at parties. You don't seem like you want to be a social drinker but just a college drinker. Those are 2 different things for sure.
I don't know what treatment will work for you but when you know your ready to change then there is AA SOS and SMART for recovery. Good luck and welcome to SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome Chimera...glad you're here.
I think the bottom line is that you will want to stay sober more than you want to drink.
I got to that point 4 month ago.
Wishing you peace and strength.
I think the bottom line is that you will want to stay sober more than you want to drink.
I got to that point 4 month ago.
Wishing you peace and strength.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Chimera
It helped me to write down all of the pros and cons of drinking. I included what I figured were the likely outcomes that were surely coming (for me gastrointestinal problems, deteriorating family relationships and work performance etc etc etc etc). In reality the only thing I got out of alcohol itself was a pleasant buzz, that became unpleasant as I continued to drink. This pleasantness was the toxic effect of the poison interfering with the normal functioning of my brain.With continued use the addiction fuelled further physical dependancy. The absence of the toxin, if not administered at regular intervals was experienced as unpleasantness, and a preoccupation with use (anticipating, when, where, how, and why etc). The "promises of alcohol" (that were really my beliefs, fuelled by advertising and cultural dogma, and distorted by addiction) were never really delivered on, ever.
Keeping on coming back to these basics and comparing them with my experience helped firm my resolve, to give abstinence another go (day 21). I hope to be free of alcohol without "missing it" this time. It seems that it is possible, if you face up to what is and what it really does for you. The initial buzz is nice, admittedly, but when everything is considered it's not worth it.
Wishing you luck on your journey.
It helped me to write down all of the pros and cons of drinking. I included what I figured were the likely outcomes that were surely coming (for me gastrointestinal problems, deteriorating family relationships and work performance etc etc etc etc). In reality the only thing I got out of alcohol itself was a pleasant buzz, that became unpleasant as I continued to drink. This pleasantness was the toxic effect of the poison interfering with the normal functioning of my brain.With continued use the addiction fuelled further physical dependancy. The absence of the toxin, if not administered at regular intervals was experienced as unpleasantness, and a preoccupation with use (anticipating, when, where, how, and why etc). The "promises of alcohol" (that were really my beliefs, fuelled by advertising and cultural dogma, and distorted by addiction) were never really delivered on, ever.
Keeping on coming back to these basics and comparing them with my experience helped firm my resolve, to give abstinence another go (day 21). I hope to be free of alcohol without "missing it" this time. It seems that it is possible, if you face up to what is and what it really does for you. The initial buzz is nice, admittedly, but when everything is considered it's not worth it.
Wishing you luck on your journey.
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