not speaking at AA cause i am new
 

i feel more comfortable speaking here than at the AA meetings. I am only 5 days sober and this is my second day in AA. i have been before, but it was 20 years ago and i was uuuhh confused. well i am again, but it seems different. i talked all the time about nothing back then. i was in my 20s and was a wise ass. i am 46 years old now and appreciate the members more. i don't want to use it for a platform. i simply want to be sober.

but i figured i needed to let this sink in and at least get a week behind me before i really broke the ice. clear my head so to say or a bit more clear anyway. i tend to talk a lot and AA and sobriety mean a lot to me. i'm confused, because, how can i be serious about anything after only two days. i guess the major thing was getting in there in the first place, but i also feel guilty because it took dwi #5 to get me there.

but like i said, my posts here can be read or not so i feel i can sort of get things in perspective and share with the willing. my life is half way wrecked i have some really good things going on and obviously some really bad things.

i know i could not continue my life drinking. it was causing me VERY SERIOUS problems. i've had sobriety in the back of my mind, but obviously i was unable to manage my life. i mean it says it. i admit i am powerless over my addictions and my life had become unmanageable!!!!! i mean just because i finally got a degree from a community college and made mostly A's, it don't mean squat if i am in jail and i am away from daughter. the dwi is a by product of my disease.

i feel strongly AA will work.

thanks for letting me share

Hey...I've only been sober for 60+ days......I come here and just type out junk, feelings, thoughts, funny stuff, whatever.....just to get it out. I love this place. Its like a journal with feed back. Go to the whiners thread...its great. People here understand us. I really feel ok to share pretty much whatever I want. Peace!!

Welcome Nod!!! :)

I am 22 days sober and I just got a sponsor a couple of days ago. I was told 90 meetings in 90 days and to just listen. Although I was told there I've been prompted to talk in a couple of meetings so I did a little. No biggie.

I'm also 43 and the is my first go round with AA. It will be my drug of choice from here on out. :)

I wish you all the best and hope that you keep coming back here to share your thoughts and feelings!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not speaking in AA. All you have to do if called on is say "I am going to pass, thank you". I still do it at times after multiple years of sobriety since there are days when I don't feel like talking. Congrats on your 5 days. Keep up the good work

AA gets my vote. Both the Fellowship and the Program.

Congrats and best of luck.

We played a new game last week. A lady took poker chips and taped a word to it. (ei. trust, fear, patience, step 3, etc.) We picked a chip out of the bucket and spoke on it.
Now that was hard...it was a spur of the moment thought process. I tried to say something only because sometimes I start and keep going. Sometimes I start and hit a dead end and say "that's all I have". But it was fun to get the ol' brain motivated.
No one said you HAD to talk -the most important thing is that you are there.

welcome nodl5! always good to have new people here and at A.A. i have been back 4 years and 4 months now. i still don't talk much at meetings..

Nodl5
I found reading the big book really helful in the first week (ending week 3 today). It is available online for free (gratitude........!!). I have dealt with a lot of guilt and shame etc. we can get stuck and the self flagellation its gets overdone. Reread your post. What I hear is a guy who has had enough, is already making a 'fearless moral inventory' of and wants to change. Where you are is an OK place to be, and in time it will change.

You are in the right place. If you don't feel like sharing at meetings listening and finding similarities is always a good thing as well. A.A. saved my life and I never shared the first month or two I went. I listened and learned what the disease of alcoholism was cause I had absolutely no idea what it was. I read the doctors opinion and it was music to my ears. I have not had to take a drink since my first step in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous and for that I am grateful.

Another thing to is when I go to meetings and I hear newcomers share I am grateful because they remind me where I came from. I forget sometimes how I felt when I first got here so I do encourage you to share it would help me.

Thanks to AA and NA I have remained sober for eight months. I shared on my first trip into the rooms, and the days I don't feel like sharing are the days when I know I should.

Hearing the shares of others keeps me sober. I ask only one thing of myself, or maybe its my Higher Power, when I'm about to share, and that is that it may help someone else in their recovery.

I used to fret about that, but I'm pretty sure that sharing is an integral part of the AA experience.

I don't understand the concept that you shouldn't share for 90 meetings. Frankly, I think that's hogwash. Then again, I've been wrong before! I do know that in eight months -- and I go to AA everyday -- that there hasn't been a single meting where I didn't walk away with some wisdom.

And I also know that the day I don't feel like a meeting is the day I need one the most.

Congrats on five days. Awesome stuff. Please...KEEP COMING BACK.

Great topic!

You have to understand that there are many types of people at AA/NA and all of them have certain levels of clout and respect in that room. There are not many differences that you will find in these meetings and say a Masonic Lodge or a Bingo Game. In these meetings you have a lot of "old timers" with a high chip # that usually run the show. Every meeting that I ever went to had one or two liars too amongst this group.

Then you have some that are having trouble putting two days together and another group that gets to 6-9 months and is habitually relapsing. Then there is usually a socioeconomical component to it as well.

These are not digs, just pointing out a typical makeup.

Anyways, MOST of these use this venue to speak about themselves and we all like to hear our own voice. What I'm trying to say is that newcomers get support but respect is often a little harder to come by. Most people take a few years in a twelve step program before they really "get it" so they value their distinction because of it.

While I think that all of that is great, it does make it intimidating at times for newcomers but it's something we have to go through.

I struggle through some social situations where I don't push myself to say what I need to because of fear of embarrassment or rejection and I always feel bad when I just shy away and stay quiet. This very problem I why son people keep using.

Now in the AA/NA setting there are some differing views. While some say a newcomer should just listen and keep coming back for a while, I feel that input from newcomers can be the lifeblood of the meeting. It reminds everyone about where they once were and the relapses, especially with someone with a big #, can alarm the group enough to start focusing none intensly what they themselves ate doing in their program.

For me, hearing input from anyone has value.

As nandm said, you don't have to speak in AA until you feel ready - when you are I think that what you say will come naturally. It's okay to take some time to adjust to the program and hear what others have to say. I wish I'd sat back more and listened at the start. All the best.

Welcome Nod, I am with the group, no need to speak until you feel comfortable--just hearing the message is enough. When I got sober years ago (and have now relapsed), I was too out of it to say anything for about a month and then I found my voice, not only in AA but out of AA. And this is a great place to talk to other and share, sounds like you are working really hard on your recovery and reaching out for help, which is inspiring.

welcome nodl5! always good to have new people here and at A.A.

thanks everyone for the invaluable feedback. AND YES another day sober too, thank you God! i feel like i am learning how to ride a bicycle at 46 years old. again thanks!