Introducing Self
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 88
Introducing Self
Hi all - just wanted to introduce myself. . .
I'm a 35 year old mom of two (3 year old boy and 1 year old girl). I've been a "social drinker" for my entire adult life, starting in college. I've never really gotten into trouble because of it (knock on wood) or hurt anyone (physically at least, again knock on wood). But I have always been known to "like my alcohol" and can definitely hang with the best of the drinkers. My grandfather was an alcoholic, almost destroyed his family until he went sober. My parents are both social drinkers, probably have at least one every night.
I always considered myself healthy despite the amount I drink - I run 1/2 marathons, just did my first triathlon, workout almost every day. I've never missed out on anything because of drinking, or never missed work or a workout.
I began to think that I had a drinking problem shortly after I had my son. One day when he was still an infant I gave him a bath after 3+ glasses of wine. He was fine, nothing happened, but something could have - the next day I didn't even remember giving him the bath or putting him in bed. But even that didn't stop my behavior.
I had my daughter last April (2010). My husband had moved to Florida 6 months earlier for a new job (from Chicago). I stayed in Chicago because I wanted to give birth in a familiar place with my familiar doctors. I also had a job I loved and wanted to continue for as long as I could. The 6 month seperation proved to be too much for my husband because he ended up in a relationship with a woman he met at work. He had an affair. I found out about it a day before I moved to FL with my (then) 1 month old daughter and son. His affair sent me over the edge. New city, no friends, no family, no job, new place, nothing familiar, and complete betrayal sent me in a downward spiral. I stayed at home for a year with my kids, and drank every day. At least I waited until 4pm to start, but not a day went by that whole first year in FL that I didn't have at least 3 or 4 drinks. Drinking an entire bottle of wine (sometimes more) in a night was not uncommon for me on an average Tuesday.
So, here I am, back at work, still recovering from my husband's infidelity, trying to get (emotionally, physically) healthy again. I'm still depressed about what he did, and use alcohol to calm me down when I get upset. So I'll go one day without drinking, then something will happen to remind me or upset me, and I'll fall. I can't seem to get out of that pattern. Anyway, just wanted to introduce. Hopefully I can find my way out of this awful cycle.
I'm a 35 year old mom of two (3 year old boy and 1 year old girl). I've been a "social drinker" for my entire adult life, starting in college. I've never really gotten into trouble because of it (knock on wood) or hurt anyone (physically at least, again knock on wood). But I have always been known to "like my alcohol" and can definitely hang with the best of the drinkers. My grandfather was an alcoholic, almost destroyed his family until he went sober. My parents are both social drinkers, probably have at least one every night.
I always considered myself healthy despite the amount I drink - I run 1/2 marathons, just did my first triathlon, workout almost every day. I've never missed out on anything because of drinking, or never missed work or a workout.
I began to think that I had a drinking problem shortly after I had my son. One day when he was still an infant I gave him a bath after 3+ glasses of wine. He was fine, nothing happened, but something could have - the next day I didn't even remember giving him the bath or putting him in bed. But even that didn't stop my behavior.
I had my daughter last April (2010). My husband had moved to Florida 6 months earlier for a new job (from Chicago). I stayed in Chicago because I wanted to give birth in a familiar place with my familiar doctors. I also had a job I loved and wanted to continue for as long as I could. The 6 month seperation proved to be too much for my husband because he ended up in a relationship with a woman he met at work. He had an affair. I found out about it a day before I moved to FL with my (then) 1 month old daughter and son. His affair sent me over the edge. New city, no friends, no family, no job, new place, nothing familiar, and complete betrayal sent me in a downward spiral. I stayed at home for a year with my kids, and drank every day. At least I waited until 4pm to start, but not a day went by that whole first year in FL that I didn't have at least 3 or 4 drinks. Drinking an entire bottle of wine (sometimes more) in a night was not uncommon for me on an average Tuesday.
So, here I am, back at work, still recovering from my husband's infidelity, trying to get (emotionally, physically) healthy again. I'm still depressed about what he did, and use alcohol to calm me down when I get upset. So I'll go one day without drinking, then something will happen to remind me or upset me, and I'll fall. I can't seem to get out of that pattern. Anyway, just wanted to introduce. Hopefully I can find my way out of this awful cycle.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 377
Welcome my friend! 
Feeling all alone can surely trigger drinking sessions. I feel alone sometimes, and sometimes think no one would care if I drank! But thats not true! I would care! And people here would care!
I really dont have many sober friends at all. But have found this place is a great place for support. So I suggest sticking around here, and reading others post and what not.
Life without alcohol sheds a new light on reality! A bright awesome light where you will feel AWESOME! All alcohol ever does is cover up those bad emotions. Its like sweeping trash under the bed, and then lying on that bed. The emotions arent gone, but just covered up. Overtime there will be to much trash hidden, and you will be living in a dirty house. No good!
So again welcome! Stick the sober life out and life usually works it self out! With a little push here and again
-Ryan
Feeling all alone can surely trigger drinking sessions. I feel alone sometimes, and sometimes think no one would care if I drank! But thats not true! I would care! And people here would care!
I really dont have many sober friends at all. But have found this place is a great place for support. So I suggest sticking around here, and reading others post and what not.
Life without alcohol sheds a new light on reality! A bright awesome light where you will feel AWESOME! All alcohol ever does is cover up those bad emotions. Its like sweeping trash under the bed, and then lying on that bed. The emotions arent gone, but just covered up. Overtime there will be to much trash hidden, and you will be living in a dirty house. No good!
So again welcome! Stick the sober life out and life usually works it self out! With a little push here and again
-Ryan
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I have found writing down all the positives and negatives of "my use of alcohol" on a piece of paper to be useful. I will need it as a reminder laster one when I have 'forgotten' the pain and anguish. (day 20 today)
I hear what you are saying alcohol is helping you cope in some ways with the other issues you face. Alcohol will not address the personal challenges you face and is (and over time will add to them) problems to deal with. So a plan for alcohol and making plans to address your other issues may be the way forward.
I hear what you are saying alcohol is helping you cope in some ways with the other issues you face. Alcohol will not address the personal challenges you face and is (and over time will add to them) problems to deal with. So a plan for alcohol and making plans to address your other issues may be the way forward.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
welcome landminegirl
I think a lot of us can identify with starting to drink to cope with something specific, and then finding the list of things we drink to cope with slowly grows...
I think you're very self aware to have realised this and to be looking for help and support now.
You'll find a lot of that here - welcome!
D
I think a lot of us can identify with starting to drink to cope with something specific, and then finding the list of things we drink to cope with slowly grows...
I think you're very self aware to have realised this and to be looking for help and support now.
You'll find a lot of that here - welcome!
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 88
Thanks all.
Yes, I went to AA once (after the bathing-my-child-drunk incident) but I didn't feel I could relate to the group. I was much younger than the others, and (I know how this is going to sound. . . ) I didn't feel like my addication was as "bad" as the group. The others (maybe 5-6) in the room had lost jobs, or family members, or homes due to their illness. I felt very out of place. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth.
Yes, I went to AA once (after the bathing-my-child-drunk incident) but I didn't feel I could relate to the group. I was much younger than the others, and (I know how this is going to sound. . . ) I didn't feel like my addication was as "bad" as the group. The others (maybe 5-6) in the room had lost jobs, or family members, or homes due to their illness. I felt very out of place. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 449
Doesn't sound horrible. I once found myself comparing out because I only had two dui's and the guy leading had eight.
Then of course there are some odd ones who like to suggest some "haven't suffered enough" or that "they spilled more beer than you drank".
I'm a milquetoast kind of guy, I wasn't even a "good" alcoholic. I just needed to drive to get more booze. I don't have any tattoos and my story isn't about breaking girls hearts and going to Folsom singing the blues.
Doesn't mean I'm not an alcoholic. And believe me, I've taken enough Step 1's to try and figure out if maybe I"m just a "heavy drinker" or not. Nope.
The clincher for me is that - I can't stop or moderate when given sufficient reason. I just can't. I tried over and over again, time and time again and failed. Even wanted to stop entirely and couldn't - on my own.
The consequences of my drinking aren't what make me alcoholic, I suffered consequences because I am an alcoholic.
If you're an alcoholic and wish to try AA's Program of action, please don't feel uncomfortable in the Fellowship of AA because your "war" story doesn't measure up in your eyes to another person's "war" story. For me, I found it was another way my mind was convincing me it was okay to drink again.
So I came to understand what the book meant by "alcoholic". EDIT: Consider this, the first two in AA - a broke down stockbroker and a proctologist, who both visited a lawyer in the hospital - and it took off from there.
Then of course there are some odd ones who like to suggest some "haven't suffered enough" or that "they spilled more beer than you drank".
I'm a milquetoast kind of guy, I wasn't even a "good" alcoholic. I just needed to drive to get more booze. I don't have any tattoos and my story isn't about breaking girls hearts and going to Folsom singing the blues.
Doesn't mean I'm not an alcoholic. And believe me, I've taken enough Step 1's to try and figure out if maybe I"m just a "heavy drinker" or not. Nope.
The clincher for me is that - I can't stop or moderate when given sufficient reason. I just can't. I tried over and over again, time and time again and failed. Even wanted to stop entirely and couldn't - on my own.
The consequences of my drinking aren't what make me alcoholic, I suffered consequences because I am an alcoholic.
If you're an alcoholic and wish to try AA's Program of action, please don't feel uncomfortable in the Fellowship of AA because your "war" story doesn't measure up in your eyes to another person's "war" story. For me, I found it was another way my mind was convincing me it was okay to drink again.
So I came to understand what the book meant by "alcoholic". EDIT: Consider this, the first two in AA - a broke down stockbroker and a proctologist, who both visited a lawyer in the hospital - and it took off from there.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: San Diego
Posts: 77
Welcome! Sorry you have had a difficult year. You are very brave to share that, and I think many of us have used alcohol to cope with stressful situations.
The bad thing for me was I would drink a few glasses of wine at night because of stressful things going on in my life, and then when I woke up in the morning they were still there, and my mind was not as clear as it should have been to deal with the day.
I am still new here too, today is two weeks sober. I am starting to feel better, and hope that will continue. I have spent every night on SR, and it helps to feel like I have people that understand what I am going through.
The bad thing for me was I would drink a few glasses of wine at night because of stressful things going on in my life, and then when I woke up in the morning they were still there, and my mind was not as clear as it should have been to deal with the day.
I am still new here too, today is two weeks sober. I am starting to feel better, and hope that will continue. I have spent every night on SR, and it helps to feel like I have people that understand what I am going through.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by mubu 
The bad thing for me was I would drink a few glasses of wine at night because of stressful things going on in my life, and then when I woke up in the morning they were still there, and my mind was not as clear as it should have been to deal with the day.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
The book that finally convinced me to quit....is 'Under The Infleunce" by Milam and Ketcham.
While not all the info pertained to me..enough did that it was an eye opener....
Amazon usually carries it and its sequel by Ketcham..."Beyond The Influence"
I too was a blackout drinker....and thought all drinkers did so....
Those dangerous happenings stopped immediately with sobriety.
AA? When my doctor suggested I abstain and try AA to deal with on going situational depression...
I was not thrilled.....but it's been an awesome adventure in living sober and finding joy.
Welcome to our recovery community.....
While not all the info pertained to me..enough did that it was an eye opener....
Amazon usually carries it and its sequel by Ketcham..."Beyond The Influence"
I too was a blackout drinker....and thought all drinkers did so....
Those dangerous happenings stopped immediately with sobriety.
AA? When my doctor suggested I abstain and try AA to deal with on going situational depression...
I was not thrilled.....but it's been an awesome adventure in living sober and finding joy.
Welcome to our recovery community.....
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