Opposite end...Please Help me!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1
Opposite end...Please Help me!!
I am at the opposite end of this all. I hope you all dont mind me posting. I need some incite to all of this. My fiance is the one with the problem. We have two children, 9yrs old (previous relationship) and a 4 month old (together). His drug of choice was meth. When I met him a couple of years ago he had cleaned up his act a bunch. We had our little family and when it was good it was great but when it was bad it was real bad.
When we got together I knew he smoked pot. I made a rule that he was to not smoke it around me, the children, or at the house and I preferred that he didnt smoke it at all. He didnt respect my rules about it. I caught him smoking it in the middle of the night outside a couple times. This always led to a argument. I have a zero tolerance for any kind of drug, this includes pot. I have never done any drugs and did not want to be around them or subject the children to them.
In the beg. of Oct 2010 he stopped smoking pot all together. HIS choice. Im not sure if it was the quitting pot that made him more aggressive but on Halloween he got arrested for Domestic Violence against me. He did not hit me or my child (I was preg. with our child at the time) but he broke a lot of stuff in the house.
We separated, he got help. He went and saw a drug councilor (which come to find out later on that she forged his paperwork and said it was for drug treatment when it was actually them meeting and bullshitting). He went to anger management classes and completed it. He was also put on probation with random drug testing.
I loved him and took him back (a mistake, I now realize).
His work situation: Its kind of hard to explain but I will do my best. He works for his dad. They own several lots. He works across the street from his dad in one of the lots. One of his friends works with him, who constantly smokes pot (I think he said 1/2 to 3/4 pound a day) while at work, in his vehicle and around his 4 children. In a lot next to his is another lot a guy rents that lot and is person is a drug/pot dealer. I have tried to get him to leave his job but he refuses!! He works in a different state that we live in. Its a 45 min. drive for him to get to work. He doesnt even make min. wadge.
His family: His dad is sick and was never around growing up. His mom used to be a raging alcoholic and used all kinds of drugs. She even used drugs with her kids. She to this day smokes pot. His mom will also call him up while he is at work and ask him to pick up some pot for her. He says that he will either get it from the guy in the lot next to his or have the friend/coworker pick some up. I just found this out about this drug dealing this week.
So let me FF to Easter. On the drive to my families house he let it slip that a friend of his showed up at his work and they smoke the fake pot K2 together. He admitted that this has happened 4-5 times. Of course I was upset by it because I thought that he stopped using. I dont care if it is fake or real. Its all bad in my book.
FF to yesterday early morning: In the middle of the night I wake up, hes not in bed and the bed is cold. He has been sick so I thought maybe he went to sleep on the couch. I go downstairs to check on him and hes in the bathroom with the door shut (he never shuts the door in the middle of the night). So I knock and I could tell it startled him. So I open the door, clueless b/c I was thinking that he was getting sick. As soon as the door opened I could smell it.
I first ask him if he was sick, he said that he was going to the bathroom and that he was fine. Then I ask him what that smell is (like I didnt know) and he said, What? Like he couldnt hear me. So I repeat myself. Then he says, oh im just smoking some of that fake pot. I slam the door and go back upstairs. A couple mins later he comes up and starts defending himself and why he was smoking it. Says he got that "little bit" 3 weeks ago from that same friend from Easter b/c he showed up at his work.
He went to sleep, I went downstairs. I was mad, angry, upset that he was doing it in the first place, that he brought it into our home and that he put everything on the line for "just a little bit".
He tells me that I just dont understand him and that pot even fake pot is not bad. He thinks that he works, bills are paid, that he doesn't hit or cheat that he can have the freedom to smoke a little bit of pot every once in a while.
I told him that he needed to get help. He refused. I asked him to leave and that I didnt ever want to see him again. He became irate and pushed me into the garage while I was holding our son. Started yelling and screaming at me that I wont take his son away from him even if he has to kill me. He said that he would chop me into pieces and bury them in different spots so no one would be able to find me. I should have called the police but I didnt because he did leave.
Now I am not sure what to do. I sought advice from another board and they all told me to call his probation officer. Should I call his PO and tell him that he has been smoking K2 and getting drugs for his mom?? I have never been in type of situation before and I dont know what to do. I dont want him to get into trouble b/c our son is special needs and requires several surgeries (next month he has his first one) however, I dont want him to think that what he is doing is okay either.
I am at a loss..........please help me........
When we got together I knew he smoked pot. I made a rule that he was to not smoke it around me, the children, or at the house and I preferred that he didnt smoke it at all. He didnt respect my rules about it. I caught him smoking it in the middle of the night outside a couple times. This always led to a argument. I have a zero tolerance for any kind of drug, this includes pot. I have never done any drugs and did not want to be around them or subject the children to them.
In the beg. of Oct 2010 he stopped smoking pot all together. HIS choice. Im not sure if it was the quitting pot that made him more aggressive but on Halloween he got arrested for Domestic Violence against me. He did not hit me or my child (I was preg. with our child at the time) but he broke a lot of stuff in the house.
We separated, he got help. He went and saw a drug councilor (which come to find out later on that she forged his paperwork and said it was for drug treatment when it was actually them meeting and bullshitting). He went to anger management classes and completed it. He was also put on probation with random drug testing.
I loved him and took him back (a mistake, I now realize).
His work situation: Its kind of hard to explain but I will do my best. He works for his dad. They own several lots. He works across the street from his dad in one of the lots. One of his friends works with him, who constantly smokes pot (I think he said 1/2 to 3/4 pound a day) while at work, in his vehicle and around his 4 children. In a lot next to his is another lot a guy rents that lot and is person is a drug/pot dealer. I have tried to get him to leave his job but he refuses!! He works in a different state that we live in. Its a 45 min. drive for him to get to work. He doesnt even make min. wadge.
His family: His dad is sick and was never around growing up. His mom used to be a raging alcoholic and used all kinds of drugs. She even used drugs with her kids. She to this day smokes pot. His mom will also call him up while he is at work and ask him to pick up some pot for her. He says that he will either get it from the guy in the lot next to his or have the friend/coworker pick some up. I just found this out about this drug dealing this week.
So let me FF to Easter. On the drive to my families house he let it slip that a friend of his showed up at his work and they smoke the fake pot K2 together. He admitted that this has happened 4-5 times. Of course I was upset by it because I thought that he stopped using. I dont care if it is fake or real. Its all bad in my book.
FF to yesterday early morning: In the middle of the night I wake up, hes not in bed and the bed is cold. He has been sick so I thought maybe he went to sleep on the couch. I go downstairs to check on him and hes in the bathroom with the door shut (he never shuts the door in the middle of the night). So I knock and I could tell it startled him. So I open the door, clueless b/c I was thinking that he was getting sick. As soon as the door opened I could smell it.
I first ask him if he was sick, he said that he was going to the bathroom and that he was fine. Then I ask him what that smell is (like I didnt know) and he said, What? Like he couldnt hear me. So I repeat myself. Then he says, oh im just smoking some of that fake pot. I slam the door and go back upstairs. A couple mins later he comes up and starts defending himself and why he was smoking it. Says he got that "little bit" 3 weeks ago from that same friend from Easter b/c he showed up at his work.
He went to sleep, I went downstairs. I was mad, angry, upset that he was doing it in the first place, that he brought it into our home and that he put everything on the line for "just a little bit".
He tells me that I just dont understand him and that pot even fake pot is not bad. He thinks that he works, bills are paid, that he doesn't hit or cheat that he can have the freedom to smoke a little bit of pot every once in a while.
I told him that he needed to get help. He refused. I asked him to leave and that I didnt ever want to see him again. He became irate and pushed me into the garage while I was holding our son. Started yelling and screaming at me that I wont take his son away from him even if he has to kill me. He said that he would chop me into pieces and bury them in different spots so no one would be able to find me. I should have called the police but I didnt because he did leave.
Now I am not sure what to do. I sought advice from another board and they all told me to call his probation officer. Should I call his PO and tell him that he has been smoking K2 and getting drugs for his mom?? I have never been in type of situation before and I dont know what to do. I dont want him to get into trouble b/c our son is special needs and requires several surgeries (next month he has his first one) however, I dont want him to think that what he is doing is okay either.
I am at a loss..........please help me........
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR.
I would suggest going to our Friends and Family section of these boards. I think you will find the support there that you are asking for. There are some great people with a lot of experience in this area that can help you out.
Here are the links to our alcoholism and substance abuse friends and family forums:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
I would suggest going to our Friends and Family section of these boards. I think you will find the support there that you are asking for. There are some great people with a lot of experience in this area that can help you out.
Here are the links to our alcoholism and substance abuse friends and family forums:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by twolittlesones 
I am at the opposite end of this all. I hope you all dont mind me posting. I need some incite to all of this. My fiance is the one with the problem. We have two children, 9yrs old (previous relationship) and a 4 month old (together). His drug of choice was meth. When I met him a couple of years ago he had cleaned up his act a bunch. We had our little family and when it was good it was great but when it was bad it was real bad.
When we got together I knew he smoked pot. I made a rule that he was to not smoke it around me, the children, or at the house and I preferred that he didnt smoke it at all. He didnt respect my rules about it. I caught him smoking it in the middle of the night outside a couple times. This always led to a argument. I have a zero tolerance for any kind of drug, this includes pot. I have never done any drugs and did not want to be around them or subject the children to them.
In the beg. of Oct 2010 he stopped smoking pot all together. HIS choice. Im not sure if it was the quitting pot that made him more aggressive but on Halloween he got arrested for Domestic Violence against me. He did not hit me or my child (I was preg. with our child at the time) but he broke a lot of stuff in the house.
We separated, he got help. He went and saw a drug councilor (which come to find out later on that she forged his paperwork and said it was for drug treatment when it was actually them meeting and bullshitting). He went to anger management classes and completed it. He was also put on probation with random drug testing.
I loved him and took him back (a mistake, I now realize).
His work situation: Its kind of hard to explain but I will do my best. He works for his dad. They own several lots. He works across the street from his dad in one of the lots. One of his friends works with him, who constantly smokes pot (I think he said 1/2 to 3/4 pound a day) while at work, in his vehicle and around his 4 children. In a lot next to his is another lot a guy rents that lot and is person is a drug/pot dealer. I have tried to get him to leave his job but he refuses!! He works in a different state that we live in. Its a 45 min. drive for him to get to work. He doesnt even make min. wadge.
His family: His dad is sick and was never around growing up. His mom used to be a raging alcoholic and used all kinds of drugs. She even used drugs with her kids. She to this day smokes pot. His mom will also call him up while he is at work and ask him to pick up some pot for her. He says that he will either get it from the guy in the lot next to his or have the friend/coworker pick some up. I just found this out about this drug dealing this week.
So let me FF to Easter. On the drive to my families house he let it slip that a friend of his showed up at his work and they smoke the fake pot K2 together. He admitted that this has happened 4-5 times. Of course I was upset by it because I thought that he stopped using. I dont care if it is fake or real. Its all bad in my book.
FF to yesterday early morning: In the middle of the night I wake up, hes not in bed and the bed is cold. He has been sick so I thought maybe he went to sleep on the couch. I go downstairs to check on him and hes in the bathroom with the door shut (he never shuts the door in the middle of the night). So I knock and I could tell it startled him. So I open the door, clueless b/c I was thinking that he was getting sick. As soon as the door opened I could smell it.
I first ask him if he was sick, he said that he was going to the bathroom and that he was fine. Then I ask him what that smell is (like I didnt know) and he said, What? Like he couldnt hear me. So I repeat myself. Then he says, oh im just smoking some of that fake pot. I slam the door and go back upstairs. A couple mins later he comes up and starts defending himself and why he was smoking it. Says he got that "little bit" 3 weeks ago from that same friend from Easter b/c he showed up at his work.
He went to sleep, I went downstairs. I was mad, angry, upset that he was doing it in the first place, that he brought it into our home and that he put everything on the line for "just a little bit".
He tells me that I just dont understand him and that pot even fake pot is not bad. He thinks that he works, bills are paid, that he doesn't hit or cheat that he can have the freedom to smoke a little bit of pot every once in a while.
I told him that he needed to get help. He refused. I asked him to leave and that I didnt ever want to see him again. He became irate and pushed me into the garage while I was holding our son. Started yelling and screaming at me that I wont take his son away from him even if he has to kill me. He said that he would chop me into pieces and bury them in different spots so no one would be able to find me. I should have called the police but I didnt because he did leave.
Now I am not sure what to do. I sought advice from another board and they all told me to call his probation officer. Should I call his PO and tell him that he has been smoking K2 and getting drugs for his mom?? I have never been in type of situation before and I dont know what to do. I dont want him to get into trouble b/c our son is special needs and requires several surgeries (next month he has his first one) however, I dont want him to think that what he is doing is okay either.
I am at a loss..........please help me........
When we got together I knew he smoked pot. I made a rule that he was to not smoke it around me, the children, or at the house and I preferred that he didnt smoke it at all. He didnt respect my rules about it. I caught him smoking it in the middle of the night outside a couple times. This always led to a argument. I have a zero tolerance for any kind of drug, this includes pot. I have never done any drugs and did not want to be around them or subject the children to them.
In the beg. of Oct 2010 he stopped smoking pot all together. HIS choice. Im not sure if it was the quitting pot that made him more aggressive but on Halloween he got arrested for Domestic Violence against me. He did not hit me or my child (I was preg. with our child at the time) but he broke a lot of stuff in the house.
We separated, he got help. He went and saw a drug councilor (which come to find out later on that she forged his paperwork and said it was for drug treatment when it was actually them meeting and bullshitting). He went to anger management classes and completed it. He was also put on probation with random drug testing.
I loved him and took him back (a mistake, I now realize).
His work situation: Its kind of hard to explain but I will do my best. He works for his dad. They own several lots. He works across the street from his dad in one of the lots. One of his friends works with him, who constantly smokes pot (I think he said 1/2 to 3/4 pound a day) while at work, in his vehicle and around his 4 children. In a lot next to his is another lot a guy rents that lot and is person is a drug/pot dealer. I have tried to get him to leave his job but he refuses!! He works in a different state that we live in. Its a 45 min. drive for him to get to work. He doesnt even make min. wadge.
His family: His dad is sick and was never around growing up. His mom used to be a raging alcoholic and used all kinds of drugs. She even used drugs with her kids. She to this day smokes pot. His mom will also call him up while he is at work and ask him to pick up some pot for her. He says that he will either get it from the guy in the lot next to his or have the friend/coworker pick some up. I just found this out about this drug dealing this week.
So let me FF to Easter. On the drive to my families house he let it slip that a friend of his showed up at his work and they smoke the fake pot K2 together. He admitted that this has happened 4-5 times. Of course I was upset by it because I thought that he stopped using. I dont care if it is fake or real. Its all bad in my book.
FF to yesterday early morning: In the middle of the night I wake up, hes not in bed and the bed is cold. He has been sick so I thought maybe he went to sleep on the couch. I go downstairs to check on him and hes in the bathroom with the door shut (he never shuts the door in the middle of the night). So I knock and I could tell it startled him. So I open the door, clueless b/c I was thinking that he was getting sick. As soon as the door opened I could smell it.
I first ask him if he was sick, he said that he was going to the bathroom and that he was fine. Then I ask him what that smell is (like I didnt know) and he said, What? Like he couldnt hear me. So I repeat myself. Then he says, oh im just smoking some of that fake pot. I slam the door and go back upstairs. A couple mins later he comes up and starts defending himself and why he was smoking it. Says he got that "little bit" 3 weeks ago from that same friend from Easter b/c he showed up at his work.
He went to sleep, I went downstairs. I was mad, angry, upset that he was doing it in the first place, that he brought it into our home and that he put everything on the line for "just a little bit".
He tells me that I just dont understand him and that pot even fake pot is not bad. He thinks that he works, bills are paid, that he doesn't hit or cheat that he can have the freedom to smoke a little bit of pot every once in a while.
I told him that he needed to get help. He refused. I asked him to leave and that I didnt ever want to see him again. He became irate and pushed me into the garage while I was holding our son. Started yelling and screaming at me that I wont take his son away from him even if he has to kill me. He said that he would chop me into pieces and bury them in different spots so no one would be able to find me. I should have called the police but I didnt because he did leave.
Now I am not sure what to do. I sought advice from another board and they all told me to call his probation officer. Should I call his PO and tell him that he has been smoking K2 and getting drugs for his mom?? I have never been in type of situation before and I dont know what to do. I dont want him to get into trouble b/c our son is special needs and requires several surgeries (next month he has his first one) however, I dont want him to think that what he is doing is okay either.
I am at a loss..........please help me........
Get him out of there NOW!!!! Call the police. Get a restraining order. Have friends or family stay with you or go to there house. I am telling this from a past experience from an old boyfriend. He said those same words to me. This was not his child however. I only dated him 3 months before I realized he was nuts. I ended it. He ended up choking me and tried to kill me. I had him arrested. PLEASE. Get help. This man is abusive and nothing you do will change this. If he can push you around in front of your child, he can do anything. I know this will scare you but you need to be. Think of your children. This is a very dangerous situation. On drugs or not. Please.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 34
I agree with you taking control of what you can in your life. You cannot control him or what he does, so set some healthy boundries for yourself and get help from the cops and whomever to get him out. Don't waste any time with this, do it now. Please seek some help in Al-anon or Nar-anon meetings. I was told by my therapist to try 5 meetings, before giving up an Al-anon or Nar-anon. You are loved and many people in al-anon and Nar-anon are in the same situation and will give you great support. Someone in there will be able to help get him out safely. Best of luck and please set some healthy bounderies for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Kicking him out might fuel the fire if he has anger issues. Your best bet would be for YOU to leave and maybe stay with a friend or go somewhere safe. I would get a PFA (in PA that was a Protection From Abuse.) If you get a PFA and stay where you are he will get angry and come back to harass you. I know this from experience.
Obviously, he has a problem and no one but himself will be able to change it. You can reprimand him till you're blue in the face or ask questions that you know the answer to, but nothing will change...until HE wants it to change.
Doesn't sound like his family is a great influence on your little ones. Thinking here, you can do better.
Obviously, he has a problem and no one but himself will be able to change it. You can reprimand him till you're blue in the face or ask questions that you know the answer to, but nothing will change...until HE wants it to change.
Doesn't sound like his family is a great influence on your little ones. Thinking here, you can do better.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
