getting the message
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sacramento, California
Posts: 42
getting the message
Hi there
I've been struggling with willingness, as in do I really want sobriety, do I really want Narcotics Anonymous.... it felt like a battle within between God and the Devil!! But tonight I think I turned a corner, for the better. I'm new to NA but put money in the basket for the first time tonight, also offered to help clean up at the end, and actually approached someone to offer contact information.
I don't know, I think the speaker really hit a nerve. She did some things while she was using that were pretty serious.... so did I. I think I'd have to say that what I really want from Narcotics Anonymous is a way to live comfortably with myself after having committed atrocities in the name of taking drugs!!
Anyway, I walked out of the meaning more cheerful than I've felt in months. I've been struggling with staying clean, but now feel more willing to try harder each day. I'm at the end of day 2 and have been praying for that obsession to lift.
Well this is how I feel about Narcotics Anonymous tonight: :day6
Wishing you a great day
Jenny
I've been struggling with willingness, as in do I really want sobriety, do I really want Narcotics Anonymous.... it felt like a battle within between God and the Devil!! But tonight I think I turned a corner, for the better. I'm new to NA but put money in the basket for the first time tonight, also offered to help clean up at the end, and actually approached someone to offer contact information.
I don't know, I think the speaker really hit a nerve. She did some things while she was using that were pretty serious.... so did I. I think I'd have to say that what I really want from Narcotics Anonymous is a way to live comfortably with myself after having committed atrocities in the name of taking drugs!!
Anyway, I walked out of the meaning more cheerful than I've felt in months. I've been struggling with staying clean, but now feel more willing to try harder each day. I'm at the end of day 2 and have been praying for that obsession to lift.
Well this is how I feel about Narcotics Anonymous tonight: :day6
Wishing you a great day
Jenny
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Good stuff Jenny. The shame and guilt that we accumulate while active can seem impossible to get past. For me, "letting go" was really started in steps 4 and 5. I have a tendency to be very hard on me. In doing those steps I started to realize that I wasn't "bad", I was just sick.
I would look for a sponsor, if you haven't already and get busy in the steps. The program is the steps and the meetings are how we gain perspective.
One of the promises are "we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it". They will come true for all of us, but it takes work on our part.
Best of luck to you! If I can do this, anyone can!
I would look for a sponsor, if you haven't already and get busy in the steps. The program is the steps and the meetings are how we gain perspective.
One of the promises are "we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it". They will come true for all of us, but it takes work on our part.
Best of luck to you! If I can do this, anyone can!
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Hi Jenny, thanks for posting.
I've been in NA for over a year, and I still have to pray for willingness. Sometimes I pray to be willing to be willing. Because I know I need recovery, but I also know I am not always willing to be open,honest, diligent, humble, etc...and I have to pray to be willing to be willing to be those things, because there are times I am THAT many steps removed.
I trusted that if I kept applying the principles and doing the next right thing, the obsession would lift. And it does. And it stays lifted until I stop applying the principles and stop doing the next right thing. Lately, the next right thing often consists of not entertaining and inviting to stay, the thoughts that lead to using.
The next right thing is for me to stay in recovery behavior and thinking, and not be getting obsessed with fear and my next fix. Prayer, meditation, readiing the forum, doing puzzles, coloring, singing, are all things I turn to when my mind starts racing around it's familiar track.
It's a bit like training a dog. The best method is not yelling, pulling, reprimanding, but instead to gently redirect the animal into doing what is required of it, and rewarding it when it does. I don't cuss myself out when my mind goes into addict mode, I just direct it back to recovery, and the serenity, no matter how small, that results is the reward that encourages me to do the right thing next time, and the time after that.
So glad you are here. So glad you are clean! You are well on your way.
I've been in NA for over a year, and I still have to pray for willingness. Sometimes I pray to be willing to be willing. Because I know I need recovery, but I also know I am not always willing to be open,honest, diligent, humble, etc...and I have to pray to be willing to be willing to be those things, because there are times I am THAT many steps removed.
I trusted that if I kept applying the principles and doing the next right thing, the obsession would lift. And it does. And it stays lifted until I stop applying the principles and stop doing the next right thing. Lately, the next right thing often consists of not entertaining and inviting to stay, the thoughts that lead to using.
The next right thing is for me to stay in recovery behavior and thinking, and not be getting obsessed with fear and my next fix. Prayer, meditation, readiing the forum, doing puzzles, coloring, singing, are all things I turn to when my mind starts racing around it's familiar track.
It's a bit like training a dog. The best method is not yelling, pulling, reprimanding, but instead to gently redirect the animal into doing what is required of it, and rewarding it when it does. I don't cuss myself out when my mind goes into addict mode, I just direct it back to recovery, and the serenity, no matter how small, that results is the reward that encourages me to do the right thing next time, and the time after that.
So glad you are here. So glad you are clean! You are well on your way.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
