Terry77

I told him that I am, and that I need to completely abstain from alcohol 100%. I told him this many times...And then, lets say a week or two later, he will suggest that we go have a margarita, and of course, who am I to say no with that kind of temptation? I have NO support with this. I think it's kind of like tempting a diabetic with sweets..
At my worst (before he knew me) I was drinking up to 20 beers a day. If he honestly thought I was an alcoholic, why would he not try to help me abstain? why doesn't he seem to believe me?

Humiliated

I am so sorry that you don't have that support. My husband doesn't drink, but also doesn't want to believe it's a problem for me. I haven't drank to the extent you talked about, but I am definitely a "problem drinker" and that has to be obvious to my husband (even though he doesn't want to believe it).

I have had some pretty serious conversations with my husband this week, to the point I was in tears. I told him basically the same thing, I am not meant to drink at all. Not every once in a while, not a couple of drinks, because for me that can easily turn into an all night affair. I would say 9 times out of 10, I do good, but when I am drinking every weekend, those numbers start to look pretty bad!

You are definitely not alone and I hope that your husband can manage to see how much you are hurting and give you that support. Is he an alcoholic, is that part of the problem?

Dee74

Hi Terry

Welcome

I know it's hard when our spouse, loved ones or significant other just doesn't get it...and it's especially hard if they keep offering us drinks....

But...the buck stops with us I'm afraid. We alone are responsible for our recovery. It's down to you, and not your husband. I hope he'll get it eventually, but that's not what you need to focus on right now.

You will always find temptation - alcohol is everywhere, well meaning people are everywhere too...you need to find the courage to do what you know is right and find the ability to say no, Terry.

Fortunately noone has to do this alone

I think support, from people who understand, is very important....and you'll find that here.

Hope to see you around some more

D

FJCruisin

I feel for you. Thank you for sharing.

I've been going through a very simular situation with my wife for the past 13 months. I chose to enter treatment last year and she didn't want me to go. She doesn't think I'm an addict or alcoholic to this day, but there is no doubt in my mind I am. I drank and used drugs for 18 years and became dependent and a daily user almost killing myself in the process. Things are much better for me now. Off my high blood preasure meds, lost weight, happy, and proud. I have come to the conclusion that in my situation, my wife doesn't want to recognize her own sickness and addict thinking. She's not as dependent on drugs and alchohol as I was, but she is living a life in fear and thinks she has to have something to cope with her anxiety. I think if she acknowledges me being sick, she has to do the same with herself. She's not ready to admit she needs help too.

My advice is to try and focus on your sobriety one day at a time and set healthy boundries for yourself. He may say your being selfish, but you are not..you are doing self care.

In the end you cannot control him or change his attitudes about your recovery. Your sobriety has to come first. If you think he is negatively impacting you staying sober, then you need get out of the situation.

Another thing that has helped me is trying to figure out my role in codependency. So I am supportive of her, but not risking my own sobriety.

I wish you all the best.

Latte

The only person you can control is you.

I found AA and am so grateful and clean and sober today.

What matters is what you think, and then what you do about it.