My first post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The midwest
Posts: 7
My first post
6 days sober today. Seems like such a small feat, but I am proud! I am new to SR and excited to start a new alcohol free life! I am a Mom of 2 young boys and wife to a wonderful husband. My booze of choice is beer and on days where I want a quicker buzz I will throw some red wine in the mix. I don't drink daily, usually 2 or 3 nights a week. The problem is that when I drink, I get hammered. I get black-out drunk and sometimes there will only be flashes of the night that I can remember the next day. Sometimes I can't remember anything after a certain point. The next day, after a horrible night of sleep, feeling depressed and remorseful for letting my 3 year old watch cartoons while I drink and having my 3 month old swing in his swing most of the night (I need to note that they are both taken care of fine by my hubby during these times), I always make promises to myself that I won't drink again for X amount of days. Sometimes I will say 10 days, sometimes a week, sometimes not until a certain event, etc. I NEVER stick to it. I will make it 3, sometimes 5 days and give in. The CRAVE hits me and I feel my skin itch and my brain go crazy. At this point all I can think about is that first beer! So I end up giving in to the booze and starting the dreaded cycle over. I often wonder why can't I just go a whole week without? I feel like a prisoner trapped inside my own head. Why would I let alcohol control me?
When I was pregnant I never drank (not even a consideration), but I also never missed it or even thought about it. Didn't bother me seeing others drink, etc. I think this is because I knew I couldn't so the little addict inside me stopped talking.
I am a classified binge drinker all the way. Always been my thing and way to do it. Why even bother having one or two beers, rather drink water. If I am going to drink I am going to party it up and go all the way. Because of this mentality I wonder if I will be able to change to a moderate/normal drinker or if I have to quit completely? My sisters bday is this Friday and she wants me to go out and have drinks, dancing, etc. I told her I am not drinking, but I am so worried about being able to have fun if I don't. I am sticking to my guns though and will not give in.
I found SR when I was desperately searching last week for people like me that I could communicate with, get support from, and who could relate to my problems. I have spent several hours now reading the SR forums and I can already tell I will fit in well here! Everyone seems very positive and uplifting : ) I also found 12step.org and have been reading through the Big Book (first 3 chapters so far). I can already tell a difference in myself and how I am looking at alcohol. I hope and pray I can stay away from it.
Thanks for reading!
When I was pregnant I never drank (not even a consideration), but I also never missed it or even thought about it. Didn't bother me seeing others drink, etc. I think this is because I knew I couldn't so the little addict inside me stopped talking.
I am a classified binge drinker all the way. Always been my thing and way to do it. Why even bother having one or two beers, rather drink water. If I am going to drink I am going to party it up and go all the way. Because of this mentality I wonder if I will be able to change to a moderate/normal drinker or if I have to quit completely? My sisters bday is this Friday and she wants me to go out and have drinks, dancing, etc. I told her I am not drinking, but I am so worried about being able to have fun if I don't. I am sticking to my guns though and will not give in.
I found SR when I was desperately searching last week for people like me that I could communicate with, get support from, and who could relate to my problems. I have spent several hours now reading the SR forums and I can already tell I will fit in well here! Everyone seems very positive and uplifting : ) I also found 12step.org and have been reading through the Big Book (first 3 chapters so far). I can already tell a difference in myself and how I am looking at alcohol. I hope and pray I can stay away from it.
Thanks for reading!
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi B2B-
Welcome to SR.
If you're an alcoholic like me, then you won't be able to successfully drink again.
I tried to control my drinking for number of years and kept getting the same results.
I turned into a sporadic blackout drunk and the guilt, shame, and remorse was so painful and humiliating, not to mention downright dangerous and pathetic.
The good news is there is a solution and you're already reading the right book (in my opinion).
Kjell~
Welcome to SR.
If you're an alcoholic like me, then you won't be able to successfully drink again.
I tried to control my drinking for number of years and kept getting the same results.
I turned into a sporadic blackout drunk and the guilt, shame, and remorse was so painful and humiliating, not to mention downright dangerous and pathetic.
The good news is there is a solution and you're already reading the right book (in my opinion).
Kjell~
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 400
Welcome to this wonderful forum! I am new here too and just wanted to wish you the best as you begin your journey. I am also a wife and momma to little ones. I used to use my children as my drinking excuse; the days are so draining, I deserve that nightcap at the end of the day! That night cap always led to the bottle of wine and then regrets the next morning. Now, my children are part of my reason for quitting.
I tried to moderate several times and it just lead to obssesive thoughts about drinking and eventually giving in to many more drinking nights than planned.
I have been free of guilt and shame for two weeks now and I can't imagine going back to the old routine of nightly drink. I look forward to hearing from you more here!
I tried to moderate several times and it just lead to obssesive thoughts about drinking and eventually giving in to many more drinking nights than planned.
I have been free of guilt and shame for two weeks now and I can't imagine going back to the old routine of nightly drink. I look forward to hearing from you more here!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome Boo. All your fears about ever drinking again are normal. It doesn't matter how much you drink but what happens to you when you drink. If you are out of control, lose managability and feel remorseful, chances are you may never want to touch the stuff again. It will have to be your decision.
You can still have fun sober. Really. Life is good sober. After 30 years of drinking I have 4months sobriety and packed alot of life into that time.
It's funny, because I recently started a new job and was teasing the one lady that everyone is always not feeling well, complaining of headaches and ALWAYS tired. She laughed and said that's because they are all drinkers! Great, so I work with a bunch of drunks. LOL But it's their way of life...I know that life and I don't want it anymore. There is change. You do what YOU want to do...if you don't want to drink you don't...life is good sober.
Wishing you peace and strength.
And congratulations on your 6 days of not drinking!!
You can still have fun sober. Really. Life is good sober. After 30 years of drinking I have 4months sobriety and packed alot of life into that time.
It's funny, because I recently started a new job and was teasing the one lady that everyone is always not feeling well, complaining of headaches and ALWAYS tired. She laughed and said that's because they are all drinkers! Great, so I work with a bunch of drunks. LOL But it's their way of life...I know that life and I don't want it anymore. There is change. You do what YOU want to do...if you don't want to drink you don't...life is good sober.
Wishing you peace and strength.
And congratulations on your 6 days of not drinking!!
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
I think one of the biggest disservices is the "recovering" folks that say, I just never saw a point in drinking a couple. The reality is, that while "we" may think that is the case, the fact of the matter is that it is the ONLY way that we COULD drink. It is not a matter of our thinking once we put it in our system, but just a matter of putting it in our system and then everything else happens as a result.
I strongly suspect that you are the same way. While you may "think" that it is the way you "think" about drinking that causes you to over do it, it is more likely just that way your body reacts to alcohol that causes you to drink till blacking out. I would suspect that you could not "learn" how to moderate.
I strongly suspect that you are the same way. While you may "think" that it is the way you "think" about drinking that causes you to over do it, it is more likely just that way your body reacts to alcohol that causes you to drink till blacking out. I would suspect that you could not "learn" how to moderate.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR.
I was not able to moderate my drinking. Every time I tried I would be able to handle it for short periods of time sometimes up to a few months but I would always wind up back where I was before trying to moderate. I finally had to accept that I am an alcoholic and therefore I can not drink at all. It was only through AA that I was able to find a solution to my drinking problem. There are many other recovery programs out there and I encourage you to give them a try if moderation does not work for you.
I was not able to moderate my drinking. Every time I tried I would be able to handle it for short periods of time sometimes up to a few months but I would always wind up back where I was before trying to moderate. I finally had to accept that I am an alcoholic and therefore I can not drink at all. It was only through AA that I was able to find a solution to my drinking problem. There are many other recovery programs out there and I encourage you to give them a try if moderation does not work for you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,753
Welcome to the family.
I tried and failed at moderating. Now it's easier not to drink at all. I hope you'll find the same wonderful support and good information that I've always found here.
I tried and failed at moderating. Now it's easier not to drink at all. I hope you'll find the same wonderful support and good information that I've always found here. 
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
i tried moderation it didn't work. "I" always wanted more. Which ever way I cut it I ended up at the same place. Trying to moderate is very hard work. Having one or two for me is just not worth it really (even If I could do it consistently).
The drive the drink when you've had a bit is a primarily a physical think with thinking components (rather than the other way around IMO)
welcome B2B
Welcome B2B
The drive the drink when you've had a bit is a primarily a physical think with thinking components (rather than the other way around IMO)
welcome B2B
Welcome B2B
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,347
Hi b2b
Welcome
I always drank to get hammered.
Moderation? even on the rare times I managed it over 20 years (count on one hand with fingers to spare) I was miserable. It's no answer for me, and I suspect for you too.
Letting go of booze help me free myself and become again the person I wanted to be
Best decision of my life
D
Welcome
I always drank to get hammered.
Moderation? even on the rare times I managed it over 20 years (count on one hand with fingers to spare) I was miserable. It's no answer for me, and I suspect for you too.
Letting go of booze help me free myself and become again the person I wanted to be
Best decision of my life
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 85
Take it one day at a time. I think you know that drinking is making everything in your life harder.
I felt the same way 8 months ago. I hadn't drank through my whole pregnancy (I hadn't even wanted to -- like you), but then after my daughter was born, the drinking started up again. Suddenly, I was controlled by it -- and I was neglecting my daughter because I was being ordered around by the booze. I lost control. When I drank, I didn't want to be 'bothered' by her. Can you imagine? Do you know what I am saying?
In a way, I quit because of her. But really, she gave me a gift: she helped me quit for myself. You have no idea how much better life has become. I don't drink. I haven't drank in 8 months. Things are still hard, but man, they would be so much harder if I drank. And you know what -- I am laughing more now, I am having more fun than I have had in years -- probably since I was kid. I laugh like a child now.
Just don't drink today.
I felt the same way 8 months ago. I hadn't drank through my whole pregnancy (I hadn't even wanted to -- like you), but then after my daughter was born, the drinking started up again. Suddenly, I was controlled by it -- and I was neglecting my daughter because I was being ordered around by the booze. I lost control. When I drank, I didn't want to be 'bothered' by her. Can you imagine? Do you know what I am saying?
In a way, I quit because of her. But really, she gave me a gift: she helped me quit for myself. You have no idea how much better life has become. I don't drink. I haven't drank in 8 months. Things are still hard, but man, they would be so much harder if I drank. And you know what -- I am laughing more now, I am having more fun than I have had in years -- probably since I was kid. I laugh like a child now.
Just don't drink today.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Count me into the drinking to get hammered family. I'm glad you found us. I have major guilt over drinking with my son but like you my husband stepped in when I went to far for the most part. Towards the time I came here and put an end to the cycle I started blacking out while my husband was away on business. 
That phase didn't last long but the guilt over passing out in front of my 12yr old eats at me.
Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found this place!
That phase didn't last long but the guilt over passing out in front of my 12yr old eats at me. Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found this place!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome! I can relate to your posts completely. Check out this link when you get a minute. It's helped me a ton. Best of luck to you!
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 48
I am in a very similar situation. My kids are 7 and 9, they are at that age where if I were to slip up and get drunk in front of them, they would definitely know what I was doing. That thought is sooo scary for me that I know I need to put a stop to it now. I remember seeing my mom wasted, and it makes me sick to my stomache to think of my kids seeing me that way! Your kids are so little now that you making this choice is a huge blessing for you, although obviously a hard road and a challenge. I suspect you are probably around my age too, I am 29 and it is seen as "normal" to party, but for some of us it just doesn't work right, we don't know when to end the party.
With kids, we already have so many doubts about our parenting and guilty moments (we learn to parent as we go, so there will be mistakes). Adding the guilt of waking up knowing that you drank too much the night before and feeling horrible is sooo much more on top of the parenting struggles that are already there. I don't know if you have the same fears, but my nightmare is drinking away all those precious moments that I could have with my kids.
The night before the last time I drank, I had spent the whole day with my daughter at an amusement park and then cuddled on the couch and watched a movie together....totally sober. And the next morning I thought, wow, what a great day that was and my daughter was so happy to spend time with me. I want more nights like that, not nights wasted drinking with the next day being recovery time for me. Then I feel guilty and like a loser mom. I don't know if this is the same for you, but I think you are making the right decision and me too.
It won't be easy, but reading everyone's experiences and seeing how moderation didn't work and how years went by lost to drinking, makes me feel like saying good bye to alcohol is the best thing for me. I am looking forward to many more nights cuddling on the couch with my kids instead of being out at the bars!
With kids, we already have so many doubts about our parenting and guilty moments (we learn to parent as we go, so there will be mistakes). Adding the guilt of waking up knowing that you drank too much the night before and feeling horrible is sooo much more on top of the parenting struggles that are already there. I don't know if you have the same fears, but my nightmare is drinking away all those precious moments that I could have with my kids.
The night before the last time I drank, I had spent the whole day with my daughter at an amusement park and then cuddled on the couch and watched a movie together....totally sober. And the next morning I thought, wow, what a great day that was and my daughter was so happy to spend time with me. I want more nights like that, not nights wasted drinking with the next day being recovery time for me. Then I feel guilty and like a loser mom. I don't know if this is the same for you, but I think you are making the right decision and me too.
It won't be easy, but reading everyone's experiences and seeing how moderation didn't work and how years went by lost to drinking, makes me feel like saying good bye to alcohol is the best thing for me. I am looking forward to many more nights cuddling on the couch with my kids instead of being out at the bars!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The midwest
Posts: 7
Thank you!
I can't say thank you enough for all the support you have shown me, just on my first post even! I cried reading most of your replies. I am not happy that we all have alcohol problems, but it sure feels good knowing that others are like me and I am not alone.
I have now made it 7 days without booze. I did crave it a little yesterday, but the feeling left quickly. I hope my brain just somehow forgets about it so I don't have to deal with the mental turmoil, hehe!! I am still considering the fact that I may have to go to AA. Not sure yet on that.
Here's to me and another day sober! I am doing this for myself, but my kids are what is pushing me to do it (even though they don't know it). I just love them so much and I don't want them to have a drunk mom or memories of a drunk mom.
Thanks everyone and have a great day!
I have now made it 7 days without booze. I did crave it a little yesterday, but the feeling left quickly. I hope my brain just somehow forgets about it so I don't have to deal with the mental turmoil, hehe!! I am still considering the fact that I may have to go to AA. Not sure yet on that.
Here's to me and another day sober! I am doing this for myself, but my kids are what is pushing me to do it (even though they don't know it). I just love them so much and I don't want them to have a drunk mom or memories of a drunk mom.
Thanks everyone and have a great day!
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