Do drug users avoid relationships with non-users?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6
Do drug users avoid relationships with non-users?
I am new to this drug addiction struggle. I have become involved with someone who smokes weed daily (this I don't have any problems with) but the last time I saw him, he clearly had just finished a few lines of cocaine. Just before this last date, he started to become very distant. I also just found out that he had a history of cocaine useage years back but had stopped using. I have not said anything to him about it, but he knows that I noticed. We had only been dating 2-3 months but we got along great, he truly seemed to like me a lot. I am not a user but I also made it clear that I was not his mother. Does it make sense that he would want to end contact with me after this? Do frequent users generally not want to be around non-users? Would starting up cocaine use again cause someone to slowly stop communication? If he just lost interest in me, fine, but he is a great guy and it is hard not to worry a little about his future, for many reasons.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Cocaine makes you retreat into your own little world of using and using more. If he started using again, he's probably more concerned with the cocaine than he is with you. Personally, knowing what I know now, I would find a better companion. If you aren't a user I can't imagine why you'd want the heartache and headache of worrying about this person. I think you should move on...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!!
I'm an RA (recovering addict - crack) and a recovering codie (codependent who has/had loved ones who are/were addicts). I've been on both sides of the fence.
When someone is using, they want to be around people who don't have a problem with them using, someone who will let them do whatever they want and not say a word.
You may want to read through the Friends & Families/substance abuse forum to see what others have been through, or are going through, with their loved A's (addicts). It's not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
Cocaine is an expensive habit, and it gets progressively worse. Never have met a "recreational user", at least not for long. He may be a "great guy" but he has a serious problem. He's using drugs to, most likely, avoid dealing with life, or with himself..that's why most of us use.
I can't tell you whether to drop him or not, that has to be your situation, but I can tell you that, 4 years into recovery, I would run in the opposite direction from anyone using drugs, especially cocaine.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm an RA (recovering addict - crack) and a recovering codie (codependent who has/had loved ones who are/were addicts). I've been on both sides of the fence.
When someone is using, they want to be around people who don't have a problem with them using, someone who will let them do whatever they want and not say a word.
You may want to read through the Friends & Families/substance abuse forum to see what others have been through, or are going through, with their loved A's (addicts). It's not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
Cocaine is an expensive habit, and it gets progressively worse. Never have met a "recreational user", at least not for long. He may be a "great guy" but he has a serious problem. He's using drugs to, most likely, avoid dealing with life, or with himself..that's why most of us use.
I can't tell you whether to drop him or not, that has to be your situation, but I can tell you that, 4 years into recovery, I would run in the opposite direction from anyone using drugs, especially cocaine.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Durban, South-Africa
Posts: 50
Hey 201
Just a quick caution note from a recovering alchaholic/cocaine user. He could be using behind your back without you ever knowing about it. I managed to hide a HUGE habit behind everyones back, like using every 2nd day. The drug is such that the "give away" factors or apperarence after moderate use is small. The BIG problem is that it ALWAYS leeds to more use/higher doses to maintane.
I suggest you confrunt him and if he really cares for you, he will give up/go to meetings.
I wish you well and God bless.
Ant
Just a quick caution note from a recovering alchaholic/cocaine user. He could be using behind your back without you ever knowing about it. I managed to hide a HUGE habit behind everyones back, like using every 2nd day. The drug is such that the "give away" factors or apperarence after moderate use is small. The BIG problem is that it ALWAYS leeds to more use/higher doses to maintane.
I suggest you confrunt him and if he really cares for you, he will give up/go to meetings.
I wish you well and God bless.
Ant
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Hi StartingOver
Welcome
I've never done cocaine but I surely did avoid people who made it more difficult for me to drink or drug (in my case pot).
I don't think anyone can say for sure what's really happening here but, regardless of the reason, if someone was putting distance between themselves and me without explanation, I'd have to wonder why and ask - if the answer wasn't satisfactory, I think I'd have to reassess things.
D
Welcome
I've never done cocaine but I surely did avoid people who made it more difficult for me to drink or drug (in my case pot).
I don't think anyone can say for sure what's really happening here but, regardless of the reason, if someone was putting distance between themselves and me without explanation, I'd have to wonder why and ask - if the answer wasn't satisfactory, I think I'd have to reassess things.
D
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
My most recent GF had been a heavy cocaine user before she met me, and claimed she no longer had a problem once we started dating. Sure enough, she started using again a few months into our relationship. In retrospect, I know she was attracted to me because she knew I would put up with her using and the rest of her BS, and I was attracted to her because I saw her as a project to "fix". So yea, I think it's pretty common for heavy users to be especially attracted to people who use significantly less, and vice versa.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
