omegasupreme

If you are alcoholic, then withdraw, is the easy part. It is life after detox that I could not handle. Internally, I was suffering, coming apart at the seams. When the drugs and alcohol were removed from my body, I got way worse, never better. I suffer from a deep rooted spiritual malady. I get irritable, restless, and discontent, everything in my world becomes completely unmanageable.

Then, here is the insane part, I have a mind that says, "Omega, a little drinkypoo will make you feel better." What's even worse, is at certain times I can't remember the pain and humiliation of a week or a month ago, I am without defense against those thoughts, and a I pick up a drink or a drug and have absolutely no control over where it takes me.

Grace landed me in the halls of Alcoholic's Anonymous one more time and I had awoken to the reality that my defense MUST come from some Power greater than myself. Eventually, I lost concern over what that Power was called, all I knew is that I needed to get a hold of it.

Today, I continue to follow a precise set of instructions that keep me in a recovered state. God said, "Omega, I am going to take away your difficulties so you can bear witness to my power, my love, and my way of life," and that has been my experience. It is the Into Action that allows me to experience life anew. Meetings are good, but they do not treat what is wrong with me.

It is about the steps we take, not the meetings we make.

Enoy

Not to make light of it .... but...


LOL that made me laugh... I love it


I'm glad you are on your way to a stronger better you

1undone

Everything has been said here and I am better for reading it all. This board is great and Penny I hope you will give AA a good go of it.

Having a sense of comunity is very helpful in my recovery. I need that connection with people that understand my desperation and addiction. I'm still so new and need so much support, I don't know what I'd do without the people of AA. I guess I'd slowly die.

GettingStronger2

Good stuff, Omega. I, too, went through a period of "stark raving sobriety." That was awful. I was sober, but insane -- and insanely trying to deal with my problems alone. And without alcohol.

Fortunately, i got myself back into the program, and back with a new attitude and a new focus. Grace has worked miracles in my life, and all i have to do is follow a few simple instructions.

That last statement "it's about the steps we take, not the meetings we make" is so very true. One thing you may hear in meetings is "meeting makers make it." While i love my meetings, that is not the program of AA. That is part of the Fellowship. The program is working the steps, and living them.

Penny, the physical withdraw will end. Then you have to start working on living sober. You can have a wonderful life, and be what God would have you be.

BurningChrome

Hehe, This reminds me... I _Only_ drank at home in the evening but I can count on both hands the number of bones I broke (toes, fingers, ankle, ribs, etc.), and the number if stitches I had sewn into me (including a nice one where I split my forehead open when I walked into a door)... All of these injuries were self inflicted while blitzed on alcohol, what a Fool I was! And drinking was supposed to be "fun"?!! What a joke!
...Mike

yeahgr8

Ok cool go and be the happy AA chick then...it' a real good sign that you don't like the prospect of AA, i didn't either because like you i knew of people that were happy and sober in AA...not really what i wanted, i even went to AA and got asked do i want to stop drinking and replied not really i just want the chaos to stop and a couple of years later have a life that i would have not believed before:-)

Boleo

That not only match's my initial experience with AA but also match's the experience of half the people I know in AA. We often refer to it as "The Last House on the Block" for us.

flyingleap123

The first part I know is true. The second part I hope is true!

Its comforting to know I'm not the only one who had an aversion to AA. I just attended my 2nd meeting in 2 days after realizing my way of trying to quit, moderate, control, plan, forget drinking wasn't working. I know AA and the steps will take a lot of time and work but drinking was exhausting too right?! I'm trying to be positive...

Sapling

Depends how much effort you put into it...How much effort did you put into your drinking?

augustwest

pour the wine down the drain or in the toilet.

what you have observed in that woman is the personality change and spiritual awakening that occurs as the result of working the 12 steps. it is available to us all if we are willing to work for it.

augustwest

Yes! When I came in all I wanted was for the pain to stop. by an apparent act of providence I decided that the best way to get that would be to do exactly as these people do. little did I know that I was embarking on a journey that would completely transform my thoughts, behaviors, and relationship to myself and the world around me. the 12 steps are the coolest thing ever! a true design for living. the pain ended and now I'm discovering a life each day that exceeds my wildest dreams.

flyingleap123

Damn! If I had worked on myself as much as I worked on trying to plan, control, moderate, and especially RATIONALIZE my drinking over the years I'd be in such a better place. I hate to feel regretful but I do.

macknacat

yeah -i do regret the "wasted" years. No way to get that time back, but the steps did show me how i can now be present for the present. That was a huge gift....

flyingleap123

Thanks for the positive thoughts macknacat. Since I'm so new I don't even understand the steps, how to do them or when you do them. I'm hopeful I will someday "be present for the present" since that was one big reason why I drank! My brain works overtime regarding most issues and alcohol seemed to slow down the racing thoughts and calm the anxiety... for a while.

FlyerFan

Hey Penny, im new to AA myself so all I can tell you is give it a test run and see if you like it. They recommend 90 meetings in 90 days for first timers, i know that sounds crazy but I'm already 3 weeks in and time is just flying by and I am feeling so much better each day. Good luck in your journey! Please keep coming back here to chat with us.