Missy7

Nothing Earth Shattering to report (thankfully). But life continues to be a challenge, as I suppose it ought to be.

The biggest problem I face is that when I'm not drinking I'm convinced that I can drink and manage it. When I am drinking I'm convinced that I should never stop. Just after drinking I'm convinced I will never drink again.

I cannot find stable ground. Reality shifts depending on my current state.

At the moment, not drinking. And BTW, hubby continues to encourage me to drink--seriously. And he always will. So I have to go against him. What is that going to cost me?

As I said, nothing new.

kristee

I have done the same thing for the past five years, convincing myself that I can drink when I'm not drinking but I'm 30 years old, I have 2 kids, a great husband and I want to live. I am not living when I am drinking. I am on day 5, I'm going to meetings and I'm also an emotional wreck lol. But I'm not drinking and I don't want to.

Have you gone to meetings?

bellakeller

I think the thing that tripped me up is that, for most of my drinking career, I was a jolly good and well-behaved drunk. It was just the other odd times I went through hell that I thought seriously about quitting. The problem was, once I got a drink in me, I could never predict what was going to happen next. Was I going to be a good girl and hold my liquor or was I going to go off the deep end and tear myself and those around me an new elbow?

This way of being was no longer working for me and I had to make the change and not drink at all if I was going to make my life the richer one it is slowly becoming. Life is already unpredictable as is. I am no longer willing to face this life with a permanent handicap.

Much love.

Fandy

I don't understand that you think it is going to "cost you"? as in your marriage and relationship? You might want to seriously talk to you husband about how once you start drinking you just can't stop, tell him it frightens you for your health both mentally and physically.

it felt like a balancing act for me too...but it is exhausting trying to moderate...my sure footing is not drinking, but there are times I really want to start up too.

wellwisher

I never suffered consequences in trying to get sober....I suffered them from drinking too much.

BHF

I don't recall if you ever informed your Husband that you believed yourself to be an alcoholic and that you intended to quit drinking? If you haven't, I would do so. If you have, I would have some serious issues with a spouse, who is aware of my issues with alcohol, encouraging me to drink.

Dee74

I found the longer I stayed sober (and kept working on myself in other ways) the more stable I became and the clearer things got.

Keep on staying the course Missy - once I had the not drinking down all the other stuff - even stuff that seemed immense to start with - worked itself out or fell into place

I'm sorry your husband doesn't get it - but I don't think that's a brick wall unless you decide to make it one

D

frances2011

I sympathize with the feeling that life keeping shifting.

Before March 1, I felt like I was treading water all the time and occasionally getting sucked under the current. Since I stopped drinking, I feel like I'm moving towards my goals, a lot of days against the tide, but I'm making progress.

Wishing you some constancy.

Anna

Missy, as you move along on the recovery journey, things will become more and more clear.