kristee

So, I'm four days sober and I'm feeling really serious about, more serious then I ever have before. I'm going to meetings, getting numbers ect.

Husband travels all the time for work, drinks maybe once a month while he's away, he calls this evening slurring his speach. REALLY? I'm so annoyed. I very clamly said I don't want to speak with him and it makes me uncomfortable to speak with him when he's been sitting at a bar drinking the past two hours and is sluring his speach and then he wants to pick a fight and say well at least he's not lying and at least he's telling the truth about drinking instead of lying about it like I did. Which I calmly replied that I lied because I am a serious alcoholic and I truly apologize for lying to him but my disease of alcoholism makes me a different person, I never wanted to lie to him nor did I ever want to be an alcoholic. The only thing I have ever lied to him about is my drinking. That is it, other then that, he knows everything about. Anyway, that is besides the point. I'm just like what the hell?

Here I am a crazy mess thinking I'm dying from chiross of the liver or however the hell you spell it, I'm super tired from running around with the kids all day, I'm a paranoid anxiety mess about every single ache and pain I have, my dad called earlier and said my mom got in to a car accident, she totalled her car and is in the hospital (she's ok and will be home tomorrow) and he calls me drunk. REALLY? On day four?

Whatever, at least I don't feel like drinking, I am going upstairs and going to bed SOBER and going to get up tomorrow feeling great! And I hope his head hurts really bad tomorrow. Ok, no I really don't, he works hard and deserves to blow off steam, I just wish he would have thought this one through a little.
Thanks for letting me share.

EmeraldRose

Are you annoyed or jealous?
If he only drinks once a month and he's not drinking in front of you -he isn't doing anything that you don't know about. I think because you had a bad week and can't drink you feel very upset with him. We can always stack up the odds against ourselves...the toilet clogged, the car got a flat, dog pooped on the rug, etc...but it really isn't anything different that can happen in life. Except for your Mom's accident and I am sorry about that but glad she's ok.
Take a deep breath, life happens. Wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed.

Dee74

None of us is known for thinking clearly when we're drunk Kristee...
Given your conversation, I suspect he'll think about it a little more next time.

D

Ghostly

Feel free to vent here kristee. Hope you feel better. We have hurt a lot of people with our drinking / using, and sometimes it takes a while for them to adjust to our sobriety.

Congrats on 4 days!

instant

its good to vent, and even better to go to bed sober. The reward is waking up feeling good about your choices.

I have learned over the years (currently day 9......again) that I can go OK for a while but anger, resentment, feeling put upon, and feeling left out can be big factors in deciding to drink (the thoughts are "stuff it" or something similar which I decide gives me permission to drink............till i'm full, or asleep, sometimes both).

I have also noticed that after a while when I am sober my family feel safe enough to tell it to me like it is- I can laugh now, but maybe not next week- when they bring up the past..............

Take care

ajangel

I would come home from work and kiss my now ex boyfriend and taste liquor on his breath. When I quit before, I was so mad at him. How dare he tempt me like that? How dare he drink knowing I had to quit? How selfish! I was clearly jealous. Jealous I couldn't drink. Jealous he could have several drinks and not drink again for months.

Kjell

Hi Kristee-

(said with kindness)

The earth continued to revolve around the sun when I got sober.

People continued, even my family, to live their lives as they deemed appropriate, even though I got sober.

I had to understand this and also to understand that I, especially when I was 4 days sober, couldn't comprehend the damage my drinking and selfishness caused to others. It's actually taking years to truly understand it all.

Focus on yourself and your recovery and everything else will fall into place.

Great job so far - keep it up!

Kjell~

Babez

My husband hasn't stopped drinking since I quit...he is an occasional drinker.He drinks about 1-2 beers a week & when he does have a beer I do feel a twinge of jealousy.I sometimes feel like he is rubbing it in my face,but I know deep down that it's not his intention I'm sure your husband didn't mean to upset you! Maybe when he is sobered up he will apologize

Crow3000

Not kidding when I say this Kristee; it sounds like your doing great! Way to dish it out to the Husband like that. Dee's right, he'll think twice next time, and they both will be hung over tomorrow. HAHAHAHA

I know things must suck now especially with the anxiety and everything, but it sounds like you have your head on your shoulders and your workin through the day brilliantly. I was a super wreck on day four and couldn't imagine taking care of kids. Keep it up, keep posting, keep reading. The anxiety will start to tone itself down in a few more days.

Missy7

I don't care one bit whether you are jealous or angry and you shouldn't either. The feelings aren't even unpacked yet. Maybe much later these hair-fine distinctions will matter, but not now.

You're not an alcoholic for kicks and being one includes serious desire to drink.

But you have major intestinal fortitude and good for you for going to bed sober! Today is no doubt better for it.

Hang in there.

GracieJane

"I don't care one bit whether you are jealous or angry and you shouldn't either. The feelings aren't even unpacked yet. Maybe much later these hair-fine distinctions will matter, but not now."

So, so, so true, Missy.

Good job, Kristee -- hang in there

erikm02

I'm def jealous I can't drink either, but I will do my best not to show it

I'm hoping it gets easier dealing with this kind of things when we're a little less irritable?

Stride34

I'm not condoning your husband's behavior, but it sounds like you need to take some responsibility for your alcoholism and how you acted in the past. You probably caused him a lot of hurt. Alcoholism is no excuse for lying. Saying you apologize isn't apologizing when your defending yourself at the same time and making it sound like it wasn't really your fault. I think you'd be pretty PO'd if the roles were reversed and he said that to you. It's when you take responsibility for your situation that you stop throwing pity parties and realize nobody is going to cater to your every sensitivity. If anything, you need to be extra nice to him for what you put him through.

Nice job on 4 days though, keep it up.