Party at my house alcohol is being served
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 16
Party at my house alcohol is being served
I've gone 27 days clean and I'm feeling great.
BUT I have fear about the graduation party. Yes, there will be beer, wine & margaritas served. I wish only beer was being served because I've never liked beer. I would love to say "no alcohol at the party" but I'm not the only one planning this party and some of the people coming drink, not everyone of course.
No one really knows that I quit. My husband knows and my children know I haven't drank for a while. Praise God!! But I have thought about this party for a while. Part of me says be strong, get through this
and another part already excepted defeat.
I need prays and encouragement. I do hope I don't stumble. Thanks for your support.
BUT I have fear about the graduation party. Yes, there will be beer, wine & margaritas served. I wish only beer was being served because I've never liked beer. I would love to say "no alcohol at the party" but I'm not the only one planning this party and some of the people coming drink, not everyone of course.
No one really knows that I quit. My husband knows and my children know I haven't drank for a while. Praise God!! But I have thought about this party for a while. Part of me says be strong, get through this
and another part already excepted defeat.I need prays and encouragement. I do hope I don't stumble. Thanks for your support.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
For me, I couldn't be around alcohol at all in early recovery.
There are hard decisions to make in early recovery and we decided to never keep alcohol or serve alcohol in the house and it was a good decision. If the party is at your house, it seems that you might have more control over what's being served? If it's elsewhere, then you could try going late and leaving early.
There are hard decisions to make in early recovery and we decided to never keep alcohol or serve alcohol in the house and it was a good decision. If the party is at your house, it seems that you might have more control over what's being served? If it's elsewhere, then you could try going late and leaving early.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Akua,
I quit drinking over 20 years ago, and I was certain that from then on everyone would notice I wasn't drinking. What I discovered was that no one cared except me. No one noticed except me. EVERY time I went anywhere there was alcohol (which I could not always avoid, in my profession) there were ALWAYS other non drinkers besides me. I would be handed a glass of champagne at times, and I would say, "No thanks" or "Do you have sparkling cider?" I found that it was really easy not even to be offered something if I had a glass of sparkling cider in my hand.
Not drinking for me was simply a lifestyle change. I just decided to live my life as a non drinker and do the things that non drinkers do, which is basically everything I was doing anyway, minus the alcohol.
Believe me, this is not a big deal to anyone else. My advice is, if you are committed to having alcohol at this party, commit yourself now to what YOU will be drinking, and STICK TO IT. You do NOT need alcohol to celebrate in life. You will have a much better time if you plan this out ahead of time.
Believe me, no one ever wakes up in the morning wishing they had drunk the night before.
FT
I quit drinking over 20 years ago, and I was certain that from then on everyone would notice I wasn't drinking. What I discovered was that no one cared except me. No one noticed except me. EVERY time I went anywhere there was alcohol (which I could not always avoid, in my profession) there were ALWAYS other non drinkers besides me. I would be handed a glass of champagne at times, and I would say, "No thanks" or "Do you have sparkling cider?" I found that it was really easy not even to be offered something if I had a glass of sparkling cider in my hand.
Not drinking for me was simply a lifestyle change. I just decided to live my life as a non drinker and do the things that non drinkers do, which is basically everything I was doing anyway, minus the alcohol.
Believe me, this is not a big deal to anyone else. My advice is, if you are committed to having alcohol at this party, commit yourself now to what YOU will be drinking, and STICK TO IT. You do NOT need alcohol to celebrate in life. You will have a much better time if you plan this out ahead of time.
Believe me, no one ever wakes up in the morning wishing they had drunk the night before.
FT
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi Akua-
I understand your fear.
I would be fearful too. I'm 18 months sober and that fear has turned into awkwardness now (being sober in social situations is new to me).
This is where, having face-to-face support is key. I'm an AA'er and I would be calling one of my sober friends to come to the party. Having that support is amazing.
Make a plan. Have an escape route. You can do this.
Kjell~
I understand your fear.
I would be fearful too. I'm 18 months sober and that fear has turned into awkwardness now (being sober in social situations is new to me).
This is where, having face-to-face support is key. I'm an AA'er and I would be calling one of my sober friends to come to the party. Having that support is amazing.
Make a plan. Have an escape route. You can do this.
Kjell~
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Lexington KY
Posts: 21
You are hosting a graduation party for young people that involves alcohol?
Don't do it. If such a person got into a wreck, or worse, you could be charged and given a lot of time.
Maybe this is too late. I wish you the best, though.
freerad
Don't do it. If such a person got into a wreck, or worse, you could be charged and given a lot of time.
Maybe this is too late. I wish you the best, though.
freerad
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
I couldn't do it. Just being honest. I plan to figure out who my AA sponsor is this week. 
If I had a sponsor I probably would have her come over and I'd be okay but I'm only 10 days into this. I suppose even if I were 27 days I'd still be like you - concerned!
...is learning and growing...
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 573
I get where you are coming from and with good planning you can/will get past this. Only those of us with drinking problems worry about what others are drinking. Keep a glass of whatever non-alcoholic beverage you choose in your hand at all times and no one will notice or even care what it is. Sorry for being blunt but I feel this is one of the many self-imposed hang ups we alkys hold near and dear but one that is patently false.
On a more practical level, put whatever you are drinking in a pretty glass, throw a cherry/lemon wedge/fruit slice in there, sip it through a fancy straw, and you can celebrate sober in style! Or if you like root beer, which I happen to love, buy the kind that come in 12 ounce bottles and you're set. Since you said you don't like beer, holding a beer-like bottle in your hand should be okay but obviously if you feel it may be a trigger stick to a regular glass.
Best of luck and have fun!
On a more practical level, put whatever you are drinking in a pretty glass, throw a cherry/lemon wedge/fruit slice in there, sip it through a fancy straw, and you can celebrate sober in style! Or if you like root beer, which I happen to love, buy the kind that come in 12 ounce bottles and you're set. Since you said you don't like beer, holding a beer-like bottle in your hand should be okay but obviously if you feel it may be a trigger stick to a regular glass.
Best of luck and have fun!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Yea, we have a combined College and HS graduation party at my house coming up this weekend... For my two oldest sons...There will be alcohol... I've been sober for two and a half years, so I have had some experience a few times with parties and such.
The first couple of parties were difficult, for sure... What has worked for me is to keep it very clear in my mind that it is not all about me... And to get myself outside of myself and to make it all about my guests... And to get pleasure in serving them, being their host, making their day brighter and to celebrate others... And especially this weekend.. Their accomplishments... That is the key... What can I bring to the event.... That keeps the self pity away...
It does get better, much better, and you can do this!!! What a wonderful event... Graduation... An awesome day... Enjoy it, celebrate it!
The first couple of parties were difficult, for sure... What has worked for me is to keep it very clear in my mind that it is not all about me... And to get myself outside of myself and to make it all about my guests... And to get pleasure in serving them, being their host, making their day brighter and to celebrate others... And especially this weekend.. Their accomplishments... That is the key... What can I bring to the event.... That keeps the self pity away...
It does get better, much better, and you can do this!!! What a wonderful event... Graduation... An awesome day... Enjoy it, celebrate it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
I'd set aside some part of the house that can be your retreat in case you need it, and tell your immediate family that you might have to disappear for a while during the party. ie. Tell your husband that he might have to be the host and take care of things on his own for a while.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Originally Posted by Akua 
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Part of me says be strong, get through this and another part already excepted defeat.
<snip>
I do hope I don't stumble.
<snip>
I do hope I don't stumble.
Isn't the alcoholic voice a subtle, incidious little *******?
No pre-accepting defeat.
No hoping you don't stumble.
I like the "Celebrate Recovery" description of the Relapse Cycle:
Complacency - When we start thinking "I got this".
Confusion - Rationalizing our way out of believing there's a problem.
Compromise - Returning to the risky situations that got us into trouble in the first place.
Catastrophe - Acting out the addiction
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Akau...if you are planning this party you can plan or not plan to have whatever you want. There is no graduation party rule book that says you have to have booze. If you are afraid that it will be a temptation than just don't buy any. Period.
I'm over 100 days and had a graduation party yesterday and did not have booze. Two boys did have a can of beer but they didn't get it from me.
I am big on the phrase "my house my rules".
I'm over 100 days and had a graduation party yesterday and did not have booze. Two boys did have a can of beer but they didn't get it from me.
I am big on the phrase "my house my rules".
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