jennybeth

I have never even tried, in 24 years, to say "NO" to myself about getting high. All afternoon has been like this battle inside me between the forces of good and evil: No I'm not picking up!!

It feels like my junkie mind is just throwing this huge temper tantrum. Still I won't pick up. This is only day 2 of my sobriety.

In the Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text it says to take it minute-by-minute if that's what it takes. I can deal with this I think in like 5-minute intervals!

This is so hard! How do you folks that have months or years clean manage this?? I feel so disoriented, so strange, so different, and I don't like it one bit. Still I know that what I was doing popping all those pills was so not working! I don't know how to do my life any other way.

lovingit

Welcome Jenny.

I would keep my mind occupied on anything else. The more I stay in bed the more minutes. Laundry, taking out the garbage, cooking and eating, light duty things in intervals. This too shall pass in a couple of days.

Dee74

Hi Jenny

I'm an alcoholic but it got easier the more I dealt with cravings and got through them.

This technique helped me a lot.
Overcoming Life's Obstacles: Urge Surfing to beat addictions and cravings

Support is pretty vital too. Have you gone to NA yet or just read the Basic Text so far?
Getting some numbers to call from people at meetings is a good start to a support network...getting a sponsor can help too if you decide to do the 12 steps

It was also important for me to realise that it was natural for me to have cravings - but that I didn't have to act on them.

We also have a substance abuse forum you may be interested in reading
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hang in there!

D

jennybeth

Well I blew it and took some pills. I really let myself down, I don't like failure.
Going to sleep ~ will try again tomorrow. Thanks for your responses Dee74 and lovingit!

Dee74

Maybe it's time to get rid of any pills you have left JennyBeth?
It's really making it hard if you have them on hand I think.

D

StPeteGrad

In Patient treatment got me off on the right foot. We just had 90 day Alumni gathering Thursday and the turnout was much better than I ever could have managed. I also keep in pretty close touch with my fellow treatment buddies. One just called me from the other coast to see how I was doing.

Sobriety can and will come if you are willing to do whatever you need to do. I'm married with young children and am the sole breadwinner in our family but I still made it to treatment. I've seen many cross the doors of AA exactly in your condition. I've seen many bright eyed, cheery women tell their stories of addiction and homeless as well.

I think you've decided you need to fight this disease, now draw the lines and attack! You can win this war with a good army behind you.