kristee

Hi everyone. I quit drinking 3 days ago. Since then, I feel like I'm just trying to "find" something to be worried about. I am 30 years old, have 2 kids, (one being 14 months old). I have convinced myself that I have chriosis of the liver and I am dying of liver disease. I am constantly looking in the mirror to see if my eyes are yellow, looking at my pee to see if it's a dark color, and constantly looking up liver disease. Every little ache and pain I get, especailly on the right side I FREAK out and thinking OMG, thats my liver dying. I may mention I do this alot. My parent's have told me that I really need to stop reading about my liver and start reading the big book of AA. I have been to a meeting everyday and I feel good but I'm so worried about the damange I've done to my body. My 14 month old is 30 lbs and I'm sure having to hold him and pick him up all the time is the reason for my aches and pains. I'm just filled with so much anxiety. Everyone keeps telling me I need to calm down, go to aa meetings and stop worrying about my liver. I almost feel silly even writing this. I just need some kind of advice to calm me down.

lovingit

You sound like a healthy 30 year old who is paranoid. If you continue to live clean, the paranoia will disappear.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

It's not silly at all. The truth is we do damage our bodies when we drink. But, in all fairness we damage our bodies other ways too - smoking, not exercising, eating poorly. We do the best we can, and this is your 3rd day without drinking. The best thing you can do is to stay focused on your recovery. You might want to go to your dr and express your concerns.

bellakeller

Please go to a doctor. Unless, for some reason, worrying yourself silly is working for you in some messed up way (I know what that's about), maybe a doctor can help you either put your mind at ease or help you take care of yourself. Your kids need a healthy mother and you deserve to live without this fear.

Much love.

kristee

I can't go to the dr because I don't have insurance at the moment. I just need a little reassurance I guess. I keep thinking that I had my baby at less then a year and a half ago, if something were wrong with my liver they probably would have noticed it when I had the baby and when I was pregnant. I am hoping the past year and a half I didn't cause my liver to be totally dead. I drank beer and vodka every night, sometimes blacking out. It wasn't every night drinking but it was most nights.

Trying2doBetter

I have felt the same as you do. Every ache, pain, twinge just HAS to be some terrible illness, right?

My best advice.....stop looking things up online. For just about every symptom you will find some horrible disease to go along with it.

kristee

Thank you trying2dobetter. I'm freaking out, I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. My stomach sticks out a little and I haven't lost any of my baby weight from my 2nd child and I've convinced myself that it's because it's the first sign of my chrirosis. I really need to stop looking things up, I am really losing it and now I can't stop crying and I'm really not crazy, I just feel so bad about what I've done especially the past 14 months.

Dee74

Welcome Kristee

It's very normal to be worried about your health once you quit.

I never worried a damn what I was doing when I was drinking and smoking all day but I had to fight rampant hypochondria once I sobered up - and sometimes still do - I guess my life is important to me now.

The only way to really put your mind at rest is to see a Dr - and I think thats a good idea for anyone who's quit anyway - so if you can manage that, you'll thank yourself.

Many places now have free or low cost clinics - maybe you can check that out?

And...stay off Dr Google
D

TheJungianThing

Go to the doctor, please. Your body has been through some trauma, the baby, the withdrawal and who knows what else. A good doctor should put your mind at ease a little bit.

When I was 30, I hadn't stopped drinking yet, I was fearful of liver damage. I urinated one time and it was like a green color. So I "Googled" and with my extensive medical training (i.e. none) determined I had finally done it and gone ahead and destroyed my liver.

"Discoloration of the urine". Google revealed a host of entries all leading with "Cirhossis of the Liver".

Panicking, breaking down, scared, and an emotional wreck I continued to read about my intevitable death from liver disease. Begging god to spare me.

Then i read how multi-vitamins can alter the color of the urine. Looking at mine, I noticed they were - in fact - dark green in color. Suddenly, a miracle happened. I was no longer on the brink of death. And those pleas with God ? "Hey God, whew, I over-reacted a bit there". And I drank.

Drank for another two years.

Now that's crazy.

artsoul

Hi kristee and welcome to the forum. Congratulations on your 3 days!

I'll bet everyone here has wondered the same thing - I did the online searches too, so you're not alone. It does sound like you're obsessing a bit, though. I don't know your drinking history, but you're young and the liver is very good at repairing itself.

A quick trip to the doctor doesn't cost that much (probably a lot less than what it cost to drink for a week or two). If you can't get it out of your mind, just go. You don't want to make yourself sick from the stress and worry. Doctor see people like us all the time and probably love it when someone comes in who is actually trying to change their life for the better.

Hugs and prayers going out to!:ghug3

Babez

I know exactly what you are feeling! I was totally convinced I had cirrhosis and was going to die.My liver area ached.I was looking at my eyes,skin,urine,looking for signs! (of course I found none,I was just paranoid!) I googled effects of drinking/liver disease for hours a day.It freaked me out.I immediately quit drinking and took control of my health.I can't take back the 2 years of drinking I did but I can take steps to get healthy NOW.Eat better,drink plenty of water,and get lots of rest,and QUIT drinking.I added milk thistle to my diet also.My liver area pain is gone,I look better,I FEEL better & I am no longer paranoid.I am glad google freaked me out so much that I finally did what I should have done a long time ago,but at the same time there is no point in dwelling on it obsessively...just focus on being sober and the rest will fall into place PM if you want to talk more

TheJungianThing

hahahaha, thanks for shaking up the ole memory. I was drinking, taking milk thistle for my liver, gingko biloba for my memory, and a multi-vitamin. Trying to lift, trying to stay "healthy" and drinking. I would literally take vitamins and supplements with diet coke and vodka.

Oh boy that keeps it fresh indeed.

kristee

The jungian- thanks, that was a funny story. Made me smile, thank you


Artsoul - I know I am obessing a bit. My mom is an active member in AA and has been sober for over ten years, I just called her and asked if she knew of anyone that has ever died at the age of 30 from chirosis, she was like NO, now stop worrying and go look up the meetings your going to attend tomorrow. I'm starting to feel a little more calm.

4thekidz

Kristte, what you are experiencing is classic anxiety at the exact time in sobriety you would be expected to have it. Days 3-14 for me were all about panicking about anything I could think of. Days 14-28 I noticed almost daily reductions in panic, and since about day 30 they are much much less. hang on.....

kristee

thejungian- lol I go on a diet every single week, this consists of me not eating all day, drinking four regular beers and then then about a pint to a half a pint of vodka and eating whatever I feel like it right before I go to sleep, sometimes waking up and thinking oh wow, I ate that? Then getting on the scale and wondering WHY I wasn't losing any weight, so then I started going to the gym a couple of days on top of that and not drinking two out of the seven days a week and still couldn't lose the weight lol go figure. I'm going to buy some milk thistle tomorrow, I'm taking a mulit vitamin, I'm wondering if I can take them both or should I just do the milk thistle...

artsoul

Oh yeah...... I can relate - not eat all day, drink and then end up with something really healthy like hot dogs at midnight. Yikes......

Get a good Vitamin B Complex, too. Most of us are deficient because alcohol destroys them........ (it helps with the mental/emotional side of things, too).

Lipitor

Classic thoughts.

I was convinced I was on the way to Korsacofe's syndrome.

It is normal to feel that way early on .

Try not to pay attention to it ...It will pass.



L

Lipitor

I know this is not a place to laugh, but , what you wrote , made me laugh.

I thought I was the ONLY one who took bucket loads of vitamins with vodka and diet coke (yes diet coke, we dont need too much sugar lol )

In short reflection , it showed me that deep down I DID care for my health .

The alcohol did more to make that behaviour SEEM rational than any other stupid behaviour I ve done in my life.

The things we do

L

1undone

I looked at my eyes all the time. LOL I read about my liver too. Still do from time to time. I'm 9 days sober and I'm still pretty anxious and that's what I chalk your behavior and feelings up to but I'm no doctor.

Drink lots of water and exercise - this will help clean you out and rid you of some of the anxiety. Are you alone a lot? I found when I was home with my young son a lot and didn't have enough contact with the world that I had way too much time on my hands to worry about the WHAT IFS. LOL

Sure you are probably not in the best health but I doubt you are dying. Go to a walk in clinic and ask them to do a blood panel. That's really all you need at this point. If something is a miss they will tell you.

Keep going to AA. That's all we can do. Have you told the group of your fears? OH by the way welcome!!!! :ghug3

kristee

Gosh, everyone on here is freaking great! I feel so much better already! You guys are really amazing. I felt crazy earlier and I really am feeling so much better just by talking.

1undone, yes I did talk to my AA group about my fears, they said they all had them also, although I get the feeling maybe not as severe as mine. I'm not going to lie, I'm the type of person that has a cold that does not go away and automatically thinks I'm dying from some sort of disease, or for instance, my left arm was killing me for like 8 months and I went and got a massage and they 74pointed out all the tention in it when I realize that I hold my baby in that arm allllll the time. And I have a very heavy baby lol. he's only 14 months but he looks like he's 2. I'm scared to go to the dr's, I'm one of those people who would rather not know then know because I always think I'm doomed. I know, I sound crazy. I'm hoping this feeling passes and I start to feel better.

I have another confession to make, I think I've made my right side start to hurt because I've been pressing on it so hard to see if my liver is swollen and when I don't feel it swollen I just think I'm not looking hard enough so I keep doing it over and over again. For the past two days. I'm a mess!