complicatedlove

I'm a newly wed and we have a baby on the way. Recently my husband of 3 months had surgery and the doctor told us my husband was taking narcotics. I was unaware because before this relapse (he's been in rehab once before) he couldn't keep a job or function to a daily basis without pills. So with him having this job for a year and getting up everyday I thought surely he was doing well and sober.

When he was in rehab this time last year so much led up to the rehab that I was really hurt. We have been together now for 6 years. He was telling me for the past few years that he was sober and life was great. Until I was making great money and it was disappearing. Then he confessed to being on the pills. So he went to rehab because "he wanted to fix his life". Anyway while he was in rehab I ended up kissing someone under the influence of a lot of alcohol (never drink, was totally disappointed in myself). I know I will get lashings here. IT was the wrong thing to do I know and I waited until he was out of rehab to confess to him. I wish it never happened and wish I wouldn't have told him. Now I feel like it's my fault that he relapsed.

He has been taking a lot of pills and now we are going broke. I love him and I want us to work things out and stay together. I want our unborn child to have both parents together and healthy but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen all because of my actions while he was in rehab. I told him he should really think about going back but he tells me he will never go back to rehab because it was hell that I wasn't even thinking about him while he was there. That just confirms to me that it's my fault that he won't give himself or our new family a fighting chance. So i'm not good for him or at least that's what I keep telling myself. That maybe if we ended things he would go back to rehab and have a chance at a normal life.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help him, me, or us. I wish I had someone to talk to because it is really depressing me. I can't work right now because i'm on bed rest due to my pregnancy so I can't even pay for anything. Our money is gone before I have the chance to spend it on anything we NEED. I feel like this is all my fault. I just don't have any positive thinking yet I try to let everything go because I don't want to miscarry over the stress. We are super close and get along for the most part until there is a ''give me the debit card so I can make a run''. He gets very aggressive if I say no and sometimes it scares me.

slugger9787

The three "C's"
you did not cause
you cannot control
you cannot cure
the disease that has a hold of him.
begin to do what is best for you and the baby.

Anna

I hope you find a way to take care of yourself and your baby.

Have you checked out NarAnon for support for yourself?

artsoul

Welcome - I'm glad you're here, but so sorry you're going through such a hard time. I don't think you should be taking responsibility for his addiction or recovery. He has to have the motivation to stop.

Check out the section for Family/Friends of those with substance abuse. There are others going through the same thing:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I hope things work out. It sounds like you care very much about him and the new life you're bringing into this world. Above all, take care of yourself.:ghug3

least

Your situation sounds scary to me. Especially him getting "aggressive" with you.

Your indiscretion while he was in rehab is NOT the reason he can't/won't stay clean. THat's on him, has nothing to do with what you did. He's blaming you and using that as an excuse to use. If it were me in your shoes I'd leave him to straighten himself out... or not... on his own. You've got health problems and don't need the added stress of babysitting him or trying to control his behavior.