New, 5 days sober on Suboxone, please help.
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Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1
New, 5 days sober on Suboxone, please help.
Hello everyone, I am new to posting here but have been reading the boards for quite some time now. I will give you my history and hopefully someone can help me.
I started taking Percocet 10/325mg, 3X day for pain about 2 years ago and have gradually had my doses increased from month to month. For the past year, I have been prescribed (2) 30mg oxycodone IR up to 4 times a day as needed for pain (up to 240 mg daily). I would get my bottle of 240 oxycodone every month but I would be out of meds before the month was up because I was taking 3 or 4 at a time instead of only 2 as prescribed. Every month I was running out sooner and sooner until the last 2-3 months I was running out in only 2 weeks and had to "find" them in other ways that I care not to disclose. The reason I was on such a high dose is because I told the doctor I was not getting pain relief but the truth is that I loved the way it made me feel and I very quickly became addicted and started abusing them. My average daily intake was about 400-500 mg, sometimes more, sometimes less. I am being honest about my use/abuse because otherwise I cannot get help for my addiction. I have nearly overdosed numerous times and am lucky to still be alive to write this post. In the past few months I have even tried the "street equivelant" of oxy, if you know what I mean because I could not get any Oxy. When I think of this now, it makes my heart race thinking of how I put myself in such a life-threatening situation but that is what addiction will do to you. This addiction has cost me a lot. I lost my business and am about to lose my marriage soon if things don't change.
Fast Forward........ Last week when I ran out of oxy I went to get some of the "street equivelant" before I even tried to get some oxy because I knew it was cheaper and I liked the way it made me feel. While on my way to get it I had an epiphany, "I am a JUNKIE! I am on a oone way elevator to hell and it is going down so fast that I will die if I don't get off now". I turned my car around, went back home and decided I was done. I decided that I was done with this madness and wanted my life back so I just stopped taking them and did not go out and try to "find" any more and I wanted to just completely stop taking them forever. This was easier said than done because after the first day without them I started having severe withdrawal. This was the first time I had went for more than 12 hours without it in my system for almost 2 years so I had no idea what withdrawal even felt like but I quickly found out.
I called a friend and confided in her and suggested I get some help. The funny thing is I was making a confession about my drug abuse and she already knew. She said it was obvious but didn't want to butt in. I actually thought I had her fooled and others for that matter but boy was I wrong. I was the only one who was fooled. I went the next day to a local Methadone/Suboxone center and they gave me a prescription for Suboxone sublingual films, 8mg X 2 daily. It was amazing how quick it worked, within 30 minutes of putting it under my tongue, I was out of withdrawal! I could not believe it and was so happy I made the choice. I was no longer craving them and no withdrawal. I thought I had found something to save my life. The doctor said I would be on them at least a year but may need them the rest of my life to stay clean.
I have been on Suboxone now for 5 days and since yesterday I have started to feel very suicidal. When I close my eyes, I can envision myself driving off a cliff or blowing my brains out. I am 42 years old and have NEVER, ever had a suicidal thought in my life. I spent most of yesterday crying and totally agitated with my husband. Today it is a little better but I am still having thoughts of suicide. I am really concerned that it may progress into actions instead of just thoughts and I am scared. I think it is the Suboxone because it did not start until a few days ago, right after I started taking the Suboxone.
Maybe I need a stronger dose. I have a follow-up appt with the doctor on Tuesday to see if I need more or if 16mg a day is enough. He said he can increase it to 32mg a day if I need it but I don't want to take more if it is going to make these thoughts worse. The truth is that I really want to be clean and sober. My new prescription of Oxy is ready and waiting for me to pick up at the doctors office but I don't want to go get it, I want to get off this rollercoaster and get my life back.
If anyone has any insight I would appreciate it.
I started taking Percocet 10/325mg, 3X day for pain about 2 years ago and have gradually had my doses increased from month to month. For the past year, I have been prescribed (2) 30mg oxycodone IR up to 4 times a day as needed for pain (up to 240 mg daily). I would get my bottle of 240 oxycodone every month but I would be out of meds before the month was up because I was taking 3 or 4 at a time instead of only 2 as prescribed. Every month I was running out sooner and sooner until the last 2-3 months I was running out in only 2 weeks and had to "find" them in other ways that I care not to disclose. The reason I was on such a high dose is because I told the doctor I was not getting pain relief but the truth is that I loved the way it made me feel and I very quickly became addicted and started abusing them. My average daily intake was about 400-500 mg, sometimes more, sometimes less. I am being honest about my use/abuse because otherwise I cannot get help for my addiction. I have nearly overdosed numerous times and am lucky to still be alive to write this post. In the past few months I have even tried the "street equivelant" of oxy, if you know what I mean because I could not get any Oxy. When I think of this now, it makes my heart race thinking of how I put myself in such a life-threatening situation but that is what addiction will do to you. This addiction has cost me a lot. I lost my business and am about to lose my marriage soon if things don't change.
Fast Forward........ Last week when I ran out of oxy I went to get some of the "street equivelant" before I even tried to get some oxy because I knew it was cheaper and I liked the way it made me feel. While on my way to get it I had an epiphany, "I am a JUNKIE! I am on a oone way elevator to hell and it is going down so fast that I will die if I don't get off now". I turned my car around, went back home and decided I was done. I decided that I was done with this madness and wanted my life back so I just stopped taking them and did not go out and try to "find" any more and I wanted to just completely stop taking them forever. This was easier said than done because after the first day without them I started having severe withdrawal. This was the first time I had went for more than 12 hours without it in my system for almost 2 years so I had no idea what withdrawal even felt like but I quickly found out.
I called a friend and confided in her and suggested I get some help. The funny thing is I was making a confession about my drug abuse and she already knew. She said it was obvious but didn't want to butt in. I actually thought I had her fooled and others for that matter but boy was I wrong. I was the only one who was fooled. I went the next day to a local Methadone/Suboxone center and they gave me a prescription for Suboxone sublingual films, 8mg X 2 daily. It was amazing how quick it worked, within 30 minutes of putting it under my tongue, I was out of withdrawal! I could not believe it and was so happy I made the choice. I was no longer craving them and no withdrawal. I thought I had found something to save my life. The doctor said I would be on them at least a year but may need them the rest of my life to stay clean.
I have been on Suboxone now for 5 days and since yesterday I have started to feel very suicidal. When I close my eyes, I can envision myself driving off a cliff or blowing my brains out. I am 42 years old and have NEVER, ever had a suicidal thought in my life. I spent most of yesterday crying and totally agitated with my husband. Today it is a little better but I am still having thoughts of suicide. I am really concerned that it may progress into actions instead of just thoughts and I am scared. I think it is the Suboxone because it did not start until a few days ago, right after I started taking the Suboxone.
Maybe I need a stronger dose. I have a follow-up appt with the doctor on Tuesday to see if I need more or if 16mg a day is enough. He said he can increase it to 32mg a day if I need it but I don't want to take more if it is going to make these thoughts worse. The truth is that I really want to be clean and sober. My new prescription of Oxy is ready and waiting for me to pick up at the doctors office but I don't want to go get it, I want to get off this rollercoaster and get my life back.
If anyone has any insight I would appreciate it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Chuckles,
I am glad that you are here, tho I am sorry that you are having a tough time right now.
You should call your doctor and tell him/her what is going on. I don't know about this med, but if you are having those feelings , please call them. Tell them everything. It is tough going through the withdrawals, from all I have read here. Tough is an understatement, I am sure.
You could go to the er of a hospital, and get immediate help, should these feelings come back. I am sure that they could help you and reassure you. I know that is frightening. I had anxiety once that was so bad that I thought "I might just go and take all the pills in my cabinet, against my own will". I got some help, talked about it with a friend, and it passed. Anxiety can make you think bad things too sometimes.
Take care of you. And I am glad that you are on that road to recovery! May you get over the bumpiest part very quickly!
dont hesitate to get to the er, or call doctor immediately, should those feelings return.
hugs
chicory
I am glad that you are here, tho I am sorry that you are having a tough time right now.
You should call your doctor and tell him/her what is going on. I don't know about this med, but if you are having those feelings , please call them. Tell them everything. It is tough going through the withdrawals, from all I have read here. Tough is an understatement, I am sure.
You could go to the er of a hospital, and get immediate help, should these feelings come back. I am sure that they could help you and reassure you. I know that is frightening. I had anxiety once that was so bad that I thought "I might just go and take all the pills in my cabinet, against my own will". I got some help, talked about it with a friend, and it passed. Anxiety can make you think bad things too sometimes.
Take care of you. And I am glad that you are on that road to recovery! May you get over the bumpiest part very quickly!
dont hesitate to get to the er, or call doctor immediately, should those feelings return.
hugs
chicory
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 393
I also have withdrawn from blues, w/o Subs. I have heard more negative stories, than good ones about them. When you see your doctor, talk about tapering off the Subs, rather than increasing the dosage. Deal with some mild withdrawal, and get your positive thoughts back. In my opinion, it's substituting one drug for another. Have you googled what's in Suboxone?
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