hello ... newcomer here ... & needing advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6
hello ... newcomer here ... & needing advice
hi everyone,
i've been a lurker on this forum & finally got the courage to sign up to get more "involved" in my sobriety. i haven't touched a drink for 38 days now & every day is a new beginning (& a struggle). so anxious ... my first aa meeting is today ... wanted to supplement my recovery besides hiding behind this computer screen.
anyway, i have a question (or more like needing advice) on how to attend social functions without giving into the pressure of drinking. i was that girl who attended every happy hour w/co-workers and out drinking on wknds w/friends ... i haven't done this for 5 wks! i miss the social interaction (plus everyone is wondering why i've been MIA). how have you guys handled re-introducing yourself into this type of social setting (where there is alcohol involved) without messing w/your recovery?
thanks everyone.
i've been a lurker on this forum & finally got the courage to sign up to get more "involved" in my sobriety. i haven't touched a drink for 38 days now & every day is a new beginning (& a struggle). so anxious ... my first aa meeting is today ... wanted to supplement my recovery besides hiding behind this computer screen.
anyway, i have a question (or more like needing advice) on how to attend social functions without giving into the pressure of drinking. i was that girl who attended every happy hour w/co-workers and out drinking on wknds w/friends ... i haven't done this for 5 wks! i miss the social interaction (plus everyone is wondering why i've been MIA). how have you guys handled re-introducing yourself into this type of social setting (where there is alcohol involved) without messing w/your recovery?
thanks everyone.
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
From personal experience, I had to stay away from those situations for a long time. It took me quite a while before I felt strong enough to be in those settings. At least a year. Of coarse that was when I quit the first time for 10 years. I am now on day 18 after a 5 year relapse. Welcome to SR. There is a great bunch of people here. Congrats on day 38
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm glad you posted.
I avoided any situation where alcohol was present for a long time, several months. It was just way too stressful for me. I have ended up being less social than I used to be and that's fine with me.
I avoided any situation where alcohol was present for a long time, several months. It was just way too stressful for me. I have ended up being less social than I used to be and that's fine with me.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome and congratulations on 38 days!
Socializing can be tricky for us, especially at first. Even after a year of sobriety, I won't go to a bar - but I don't mind going out to a restaurant with people who order drinks. I go to lots of "events" (weddings, birthday parties, holiday stuff, etc.), but now I leave when the hard drinkers take over.
When I was attending AA meetings, people would often go out for coffee or a bit to eat afterwards. I developed several good friendships doing that. So, there are options other than happy hour......
Just hang in there - if your sobriety comes first, you'll figure it out!!
Socializing can be tricky for us, especially at first. Even after a year of sobriety, I won't go to a bar - but I don't mind going out to a restaurant with people who order drinks. I go to lots of "events" (weddings, birthday parties, holiday stuff, etc.), but now I leave when the hard drinkers take over.
When I was attending AA meetings, people would often go out for coffee or a bit to eat afterwards. I developed several good friendships doing that. So, there are options other than happy hour......
Just hang in there - if your sobriety comes first, you'll figure it out!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Welcome rebuildinglife
I took several months out of social life too - my sobriety was that important to me.
When I did venture out again I was very sure sober was what I wanted to me, and I'm glad I took a break to work on myself and get to that stage.
If you do decide to keep socialising, that's your call.
This link may help - I know it's about Thanksgiving but there are many good ideas here than can be adapted for almost any social occasion - 'bring your own beverages' for example can easily equate to always have a soft drink in, or at, hand....
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide
D
I took several months out of social life too - my sobriety was that important to me.
When I did venture out again I was very sure sober was what I wanted to me, and I'm glad I took a break to work on myself and get to that stage.
If you do decide to keep socialising, that's your call.
This link may help - I know it's about Thanksgiving but there are many good ideas here than can be adapted for almost any social occasion - 'bring your own beverages' for example can easily equate to always have a soft drink in, or at, hand....
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 36
Congrats on your 38 days! I like your user name too.
I guess my story is a little different. I was that girl too - I would not only go out every Friday with co-workers, but be the organizer of it. One of my big things is going to see live bands at bars and clubs around here. I really enjoy it and didn't want to stop.
I went out on one of those co-worker excursions my first week sober. I figured I was still going to be around alcohol, I might as well tackle it right off the bat. That first Friday out was hard. One of my co-workers who can suck back about $100 worth of beer in an hour and a half was really agitated by the fact that I wasn't drinking. He kept saying "Come on, just have one! Come on, just have one." I just said "Nah, I'm taking a break from that for a while." I drank Diet Coke instead. You can sit with people who are drinking alcohol, drink something non-alcoholic and have a good time. In my experience, doing so will help you in two ways:
1. Watching everyone else drink, you will realize that your drinking was by no means normal. You'll notice that most of them have one or two drinks and stop. None of them are drinking as much as you used to think they were. In fact, you'll even notice other sober people there!
2. You can have as much fun - if not more - staying sober. You don't have to worry about who is noticing how much you drink. You don't have to blow all the money in your pocket. You can appreciate the details - what other people are really saying, the taste of the food, the sound of the band. When you come home, sober and lucid, you will feel proud of yourself.
I still go out for drinks with co-workers and go see bands. I just notice that I don't stay out as long. There is what I call the "drinking hour," i.e. that moment in the night when the focus shifts from socializing to getting sh*tfaced. The mood becomes darker and rowdier, and there just becomes no real place for a sober person. In my experience, it happens around 11:30 or midnight.
Your friends are going to change. In some cases, it'll be a subtle shift in the landscape. In some cases it won't. But you'll be better off in the long run. The biggest challenge for me was answering questions about why I wasn't drinking, but I found those tapered off after a month or so.
I do think it's possible to maintain an active social life, go out for after-work drinks, etc. and not drink. Just go home if you feel tempted. I found that my behaviour adjusted to my sobriety - the leaving earlier, the not acting like quite so much of a spontaneous maniac, etc. Good luck with it.
I guess my story is a little different. I was that girl too - I would not only go out every Friday with co-workers, but be the organizer of it. One of my big things is going to see live bands at bars and clubs around here. I really enjoy it and didn't want to stop.
I went out on one of those co-worker excursions my first week sober. I figured I was still going to be around alcohol, I might as well tackle it right off the bat. That first Friday out was hard. One of my co-workers who can suck back about $100 worth of beer in an hour and a half was really agitated by the fact that I wasn't drinking. He kept saying "Come on, just have one! Come on, just have one." I just said "Nah, I'm taking a break from that for a while." I drank Diet Coke instead. You can sit with people who are drinking alcohol, drink something non-alcoholic and have a good time. In my experience, doing so will help you in two ways:
1. Watching everyone else drink, you will realize that your drinking was by no means normal. You'll notice that most of them have one or two drinks and stop. None of them are drinking as much as you used to think they were. In fact, you'll even notice other sober people there!
2. You can have as much fun - if not more - staying sober. You don't have to worry about who is noticing how much you drink. You don't have to blow all the money in your pocket. You can appreciate the details - what other people are really saying, the taste of the food, the sound of the band. When you come home, sober and lucid, you will feel proud of yourself.
I still go out for drinks with co-workers and go see bands. I just notice that I don't stay out as long. There is what I call the "drinking hour," i.e. that moment in the night when the focus shifts from socializing to getting sh*tfaced. The mood becomes darker and rowdier, and there just becomes no real place for a sober person. In my experience, it happens around 11:30 or midnight.
Your friends are going to change. In some cases, it'll be a subtle shift in the landscape. In some cases it won't. But you'll be better off in the long run. The biggest challenge for me was answering questions about why I wasn't drinking, but I found those tapered off after a month or so.
I do think it's possible to maintain an active social life, go out for after-work drinks, etc. and not drink. Just go home if you feel tempted. I found that my behaviour adjusted to my sobriety - the leaving earlier, the not acting like quite so much of a spontaneous maniac, etc. Good luck with it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 36
You can also - very secretly, in your head, for your own private thrill - feel a little morally superior over everyone, i.e. "Look at these poor jerks sitting there getting drunk and talking stupid. I'm much more enlightened than that. Go me."
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis,tn
Posts: 5
Hello everybody, I'm new to this site and recently decided to straighten up my life, I am addected to pain killers and started treatment the other day, and just wanted to find a place where I could talk to other people that where going through the same thing I am, hope I can fit in here somewhere,,,, feel free to send me a message and I will reply
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
rebuildinglife - It's a dangerous situation. Think it would be difficult for you to go out for now. Just give it some time till you are more comfortable. Sobriety needs to be a priority for you. Good luck. 
Congrats on the sober time!
Welcome JoeDog. Feel free to jump into chat. Or, maybe start a new Thread with your introduction. Good luck to you too.
Congrats on the sober time! Welcome JoeDog. Feel free to jump into chat. Or, maybe start a new Thread with your introduction. Good luck to you too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
I handled it this way . Just last night .
We attended a Jazz / blues concert . 200 people, four of my firends.
I wanted to drink but didnt.
My strategy ,the gospel according to Lip was.
1. Enjoy the concert .
2 . Dont think too much
3 Listen to others speak and pretend to laugh at half time and at the end.
4 If anyone asks, (and they did) Just say , Im a little tired ,sorry.
That was it .
It worked and I actually had a good evening.
Hang in , stay strong, believe in yourself.
L
We attended a Jazz / blues concert . 200 people, four of my firends.
I wanted to drink but didnt.
My strategy ,the gospel according to Lip was.
1. Enjoy the concert .
2 . Dont think too much
3 Listen to others speak and pretend to laugh at half time and at the end.
4 If anyone asks, (and they did) Just say , Im a little tired ,sorry.
That was it .
It worked and I actually had a good evening.
Hang in , stay strong, believe in yourself.
L
Last edited by Lipitor; 05-21-2011 at 09:58 PM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Great post Wildart! That is basically what I did. I have functions and social gathering that I have to and want to attend. I knew to live my life on my term sober I had to be able to handle these situations. I had a plan, I knew I was not going to drink, I always had a non alcoholic beverage in my hand, I knew how I was going to turn down drinks, and I knew how to make a quick exit if necessary. I also made a point to tell people out loud that "I am not drinking tonite..it kept me accountable. As time went on I tell people I don't drink anymore ever. And it feels great!!
I learned I enjoyed being out with social drinkers, I also learned what it was like to leave a party or gathering at a normal time, (I was always the last one to leave...unless the booze was gone when I was drinking, and I learned that I felt great in the morning.
My advice if you plan on doing this is to have a plan, and make it real clear to yourself that no matter what happens you will not drink.
I learned I enjoyed being out with social drinkers, I also learned what it was like to leave a party or gathering at a normal time, (I was always the last one to leave...unless the booze was gone when I was drinking, and I learned that I felt great in the morning.
My advice if you plan on doing this is to have a plan, and make it real clear to yourself that no matter what happens you will not drink.
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Originally Posted by Lipitor 
Listen to others speak and pretend to laugh at half time and at the end.
There is a Facebook Group similar to - I didn't understand what you said so I'm going to look at you, nod my head, laugh, and hope you said something funny.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
