Nirvana1

I am always torn by threads like this.

At first I always want to jump in and say, "Why the heck would you give in?" etc, etc, but on the other hand suffer from the same addiction and know how hard it can be. I know that the self-justification excuses we tell ourselves are literally endless, and it's hard to fight off the hundreds of triggers alcoholics encounter 24/7.

Honestly, I think you need to start praying and taking more action against the first drink IF and only IF you want to stop drinking. Giving in to alcohol is SO EASY while staying and living sober can be SO HARD. It's natural to want to take the easier route.

I'm dealing with staying away from alcohol and anxiety medication. I have to pray multiple times a day when having anxiety and stress attacks. I am always happy when it passes and I didn't have to give in.

After almost 6 months sober I am seeing drastic changes in all areas of my life. I'm finally realizing how intelligent I am, how giving I am, and how much work I still have to do to get to where I want to be. I really believe that everything I have is by the grace of God. He was looking out for me before I stopped drinking, before I started praying, and now everyday that I have given my will to Him. I didn't get sober, find AA & SR, or anything else on my own power, and it definitely won't stay that way if I try to take over and leave it up to my best thinking.

The bottom line is that if you keep giving in after a few days and setting new start dates, you will soon be back to your old ways or worse. The saddest part is that you probably already know it too.

Pumpkin Soup

Thank you all again.

Day 3 - doesnt sound as good as day 18 when I caved - really cannot fathom my justification for it now and regret it very deeply.

I really really DO want to give up the madness FOREVER. I never want to drink again.

Looking back I think I had resigned myself to drinking on my birthday somewhere in the back of my mind - I could have planned to do something different so I didnt have the opportunity to drink but I just let the day come and the cravings take over.

I need to find a sensible balance so I can plan to do different things but also not think ahead (so my addicted mind can implant crazy ideas) and take it one day at a time. For the time being more meetings and get working properly on the steps.

I hope I have learned my lesson - I certainly feel resolved and determined right now.

Thank you all once again for your advice, encouragement and kind and honest words.

artsoul

Good to see you back at it - just keep it in today..... Those 18 days still matter. I've relapsed twice and ended up worse than before, but every day spent sober in the past counts as a day I didn't add to the destruction.

Stay positive and keep going!