Vesna

Today is 60 days for me. There it is on my calendar: "60 days." I thought I'd feel like celebrating and even had planned to buy myself something special.

But now that it's here, I don't feel celebratory at all. The last night I drank...after several months of "Day 1's" and then slips...I really, really scared myself. I had scared myself before, but this was different. Before, I hadn't scared myself to the extent that I didn't think I could control it, that I couldn't be "normal" and "have a few." I never went into it thinking it would be OK to slip, but deep down I guess I hadn't really committed to giving up booze for good, and I set myself up to fail each time.

But this last time, it was different. I scared myself so thoroughly and completely...I clearly saw everything I had to lose and almost did lose. And that last Day 1...I knew it would be my final Day 1. I will never drink again because I came face to face with my mortality and the very close call with the extreme heartache I could've caused to my family, and I'm getting upset even thinking about it 60 days later. If I ever do relapse, and for me at this point a relapse would be a very serious thing, I would immediately check myself into a rehab. But that is not going to happen, because I have totally changed my life and my way of thinking, and I work on my sobriety every day.

So, today, I don't feel so much like celebrating as quietly observing and being so, so thankful that I am still on this beautiful Earth, that I had so many second chances and that I finally found the wisdom and courage to recognize my addiction for what it was and take action. I don't attend AA, but I do believe there is a Higher Power guiding me, and I am grateful. I'm also grateful to all of you here who provide so much kind support to so many, including me.

michelle01

Congratulations and I relate to your post. I sometimes forget my sobriety anniversaries (dang just realized I had one 2 days ago) but I am grateful day to day for being sober. I don't know why it took so long to turn the corner, how it got such a hold... but now I know my thinking is much healthier.

Toronto68

Vesna, I think it depends on the person, but it doesn't sound strange to me at all that you would have gone from wanting to celebrate and make a big deal out of the 60 days and then you had a different view once that milestone was here. I have seen that happen many times in my own case.

I think it's a good sign when someone can take or leave an urge to observe their milestone, especialy as time rolls on. That doesn't mean there is something wrong when someone does want to though. As long as there is some kind of recognition of where credit is deserved. There are also periods when we feel a let-down, because we realize we are only achieving grown-up behaviour like "normal people," which we could have been doing all along. All depends on our perspective. And other times, we're thankful for the slightest thing that wouldn't make sense to a lot of people.

But once we have turned away from the addiction, it's important to stick with it and understand that we're capable of achieveing good things, big and small, in the immediate and over time.

Good for you and keep going!

sarah1414

Vesna, congrats to you on 60 days! I am only on day 4 and I look forward to feeling like you do at 60 days.

Thank you for your post.

Mida

Congrats on 60 Vesna!

I'm on day 58 and kinda feeling like you...not so much celebratory as grateful. Nevertheless, it is an amazing accomplishment. Yay, for the second, third, fourth, fifth, whatever, chances we get from God and the Universe. And a bigger yay for the one that sticks and brings with it the promise of a better life.

Best of luck on your journey.

Anna

Vesna, my feelings were a lot like yours. I had almost lost my family and my health and I had to deal with all that too. So, like you, I didn't feel like celebrating as much as recognizing that I was so blessed to be where I was.

bellakeller

:day1 CONGRATULATIONS! That is so great!

workingtheday

BIG congratulations on Day 60!! Your an inspiration!

carrswholesale

Good job, proud of you. 90 days for me today. As for me I said a few times more than I want to count I'll never drink again, found out it's better when I do it one day at a time, 24 hours . Yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn't here, that's why they call it the present. It's a present to have 24 hours at a time. Good luck.

concor

A big Carolina Hello & congrats on 60 days!

Dee74

congratulations Vesna
D

artsoul

A big congrats on your 60 days! Great post, too - looking at things through the eyes of gratitude is a wonderful thing.

Vesna

Thanks, guys!! :-)

newwings

Congratulations, Vesna!!!! 60 days is awesome. And I understand about not feeling particularly celebratory..but I'm glad you let us all know so that we can congratulate your landmark date.

farmer

I know what you mean. I am at 49 and right behind and hope I always am one day at a time! The POC's are waning and I actually feel like I am starting to think and behave half way "normal."

Keep up the good work!

mirage

Congrats on 60, Vesna! You sound very strong..good for you!

Congrats on your 90, too, carrs!!

FreeDance

Awesome, Vesna!!

MsCooterBrown

You are on your way now Vesna!! Keep looking forward. Way to go.

EmeraldRose

Congratulations for 60 days sober.
I didn't celebrate any milestone yet...I just keep track for the record. Um, but lost track over 100. LOL I celebrate life. A new life, a sober life and life that I can be free and relieved. Isn't it just an awesome feeling to be released from such a bondage?
I'm so happy that you are doing well.

Vesna

Thanks to everyone for your kind replies. For me, the biggest purpose of counting days is putting distance between me and that last horrible drinking experience...but, I hope, never so much distance that it's no longer a deterrent.