sorry to say Im leaving
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 65
Lipitor, you're human; we're all human. We're fallible and we make mistakes. You're a good person with a good heart, and you are going to beat this. I hope you'll stay...you've clearly touched a lot of people here. If someone is struggling, that's what a support forum is all about. It's not about judging...it's about being there for people whether they are struggling or celebrating...we all do it together.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by artsoul 
I hope you don't leave....
I don't quite understand all the details, but from what I gather from your post, you've had 12 weeks without drinking (with one screw-up)? To me, that's huge, and it doesn't matter how much you drank before really.
I know how hard it is for me every day, even with anti-depressants. If it wasn't, I wouldn't be here all the time. (My urges and obsession didn't start getting better until 6 months - it goes away a little bit at a time. It's like a grief process - we go through denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance etc. etc....... the same stages of grief).
For me now, it's more about working on seeing the glass half full and doing the right thing even if my emotions want me to do otherwise. Not easy.
I just enjoy you being here...... so don't make it an "all or nothing" deal, OK?
If you want to step back for a while, that's cool....... Just remember, we're all sick people trying to get better - why wouldn't we understand?!!:day6
I don't quite understand all the details, but from what I gather from your post, you've had 12 weeks without drinking (with one screw-up)? To me, that's huge, and it doesn't matter how much you drank before really.I know how hard it is for me every day, even with anti-depressants. If it wasn't, I wouldn't be here all the time. (My urges and obsession didn't start getting better until 6 months - it goes away a little bit at a time. It's like a grief process - we go through denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance etc. etc....... the same stages of grief).
For me now, it's more about working on seeing the glass half full and doing the right thing even if my emotions want me to do otherwise. Not easy.
I just enjoy you being here...... so don't make it an "all or nothing" deal, OK?
If you want to step back for a while, that's cool....... Just remember, we're all sick people trying to get better - why wouldn't we understand?!!:day6
L
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 377
Bah! I don't think you "lie" more than you just don't explain everything in detail about your drinking. I do the same my good friend. A lot of people out there still till this day have no freakin clue how bad I was drinking. And if I told them that I'm trying to stop now, they would just say something like "Your quitting drinking? I didnt know you even drank that much!" lol.
And even still with people who knew I was a bad alcoholic, I still even haven't told them I'm trying to stop (some of them anyways, a select few know). Why you might ask? Well its down right freaking embarrassing. Who likes to admit to others their all screwed up. No one! Not me, not you, not anyone.
Thats still something I'm struggling with is letting people know whats really going on in my life. Its easy here because none of you personally know me in real lfe. So coming clean here is a cakewalk. If I'm judged here who cares right?. Telling people in real life is a whole different story.
So i say to you! Don't dip out on this place. If anything, this should be a place you can feel more comfortable talking to people. If you don't like what people say, its as easy as a click or a scroll to go on to something else
.
**Wouldnt that be nice if it worked like that in day to day life. I dont like this! CLICK away. Wow this person makes no sense. CLICK away. Hot chicks want to meet you! DOUBLE CLICK! lol!**
Anyways bud, you will be missed if you leave. I really don't understand why you would, this place can be very helpful. Take it with a grain a salt if you will. Just because some get a lot out of this forum and others don't, its still a very good informational tool to have.
I command you to STAY!
-Ryan
And even still with people who knew I was a bad alcoholic, I still even haven't told them I'm trying to stop (some of them anyways, a select few know). Why you might ask? Well its down right freaking embarrassing. Who likes to admit to others their all screwed up. No one! Not me, not you, not anyone.
Thats still something I'm struggling with is letting people know whats really going on in my life. Its easy here because none of you personally know me in real lfe. So coming clean here is a cakewalk. If I'm judged here who cares right?. Telling people in real life is a whole different story.
So i say to you! Don't dip out on this place. If anything, this should be a place you can feel more comfortable talking to people. If you don't like what people say, its as easy as a click or a scroll to go on to something else
. **Wouldnt that be nice if it worked like that in day to day life. I dont like this! CLICK away. Wow this person makes no sense. CLICK away. Hot chicks want to meet you! DOUBLE CLICK! lol!**
Anyways bud, you will be missed if you leave. I really don't understand why you would, this place can be very helpful. Take it with a grain a salt if you will. Just because some get a lot out of this forum and others don't, its still a very good informational tool to have.
I command you to STAY!
-Ryan
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Lip-
I say this with kindness, but you sound like a run-of-the-mill alcoholic.
There are millions of us out there.
One of our worst "character defects" is we think about ourselves WAY to much
We can and do recover, though recovery can be painful (mine was and sometimes still is).
Maybe it's time to let go of some old ideas?
Good luck!
Kjell~
I say this with kindness, but you sound like a run-of-the-mill alcoholic.
There are millions of us out there.
One of our worst "character defects" is we think about ourselves WAY to much
We can and do recover, though recovery can be painful (mine was and sometimes still is).
Maybe it's time to let go of some old ideas?
Good luck!
Kjell~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Vesna
Lipitor, you're human; we're all human. We're fallible and we make mistakes. You're a good person with a good heart, and you are going to beat this. I hope you'll stay...you've clearly touched a lot of people here. If someone is struggling, that's what a support forum is all about. It's not about judging...it's about being there for people whether they are struggling or celebrating...we all do it together.
But I faked it ...I told myself I was getting better and set out to encourage others , to give my pathetic humorous slant to the forum and hope that it might help me...
I tried , but , in the absence of truth , once again , I found that I resented myself for lying to the members of SR .
In a way , I did not lie, I just half faked it .
Part of me wanted what all of you have .
I read the threads and truly get the agony that people go through....
But they all seem honest
Im a bloody liar and Im trying , tonight to forgive myself for that .
All alcoholics lie, apparently .
Thank you for taking the time to respond to this thread...
I appreciate it very much ...
My mood is lifting up a little..... Just for now , things dont seem so bad , well, not as bad as they did about ten or fifteen posts ago ..
thank you again
Lip
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 335
Lipitor about 2 weeks ago I came across one of your posts and it was about your struggles so I decided to have a look at your journey through SR. It is nothing short of inspirational and have even talked about you to family members you've been to hell and back mate give yourself a chance and some credit.
When I wake up from a heavy night on the booze I'm completely ****ed. I would wake and the noise coming from outside my bedroom is consuming my every passing thought, the little bit of light coming through my curtains is blinding I stuff pillows where the light source is coming from. I was convinced I was going to have a complete brain seizure. I would lie on my stomach but my heart is beating so fast I think I'm going to have a heart attack at any second. When I get up to take a leak I can barely stand long enough to finish thinking i'm just gonna collapse on the toilet, I quickly hide back in my room and am confronted with my head which thoughts I can't even start to explain, am I crazy, this is it you've ****ed yourself this time. Taking 2 5mg valiums don't even start to calm me down the next day. The hangover headache is the least of my problems at this stage I'm battling with my sanity at this point My only thought is to drink another beer to end the predicament I'm in I saw this place many mornings but I kept coming back to this place. I'm beaten, defeated and fed up.
Have you been to this place Lip? everyone here knows your the real thing....
When I wake up from a heavy night on the booze I'm completely ****ed. I would wake and the noise coming from outside my bedroom is consuming my every passing thought, the little bit of light coming through my curtains is blinding I stuff pillows where the light source is coming from. I was convinced I was going to have a complete brain seizure. I would lie on my stomach but my heart is beating so fast I think I'm going to have a heart attack at any second. When I get up to take a leak I can barely stand long enough to finish thinking i'm just gonna collapse on the toilet, I quickly hide back in my room and am confronted with my head which thoughts I can't even start to explain, am I crazy, this is it you've ****ed yourself this time. Taking 2 5mg valiums don't even start to calm me down the next day. The hangover headache is the least of my problems at this stage I'm battling with my sanity at this point My only thought is to drink another beer to end the predicament I'm in I saw this place many mornings but I kept coming back to this place. I'm beaten, defeated and fed up.
Have you been to this place Lip? everyone here knows your the real thing....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by checkmate1
Lipitor about 2 weeks ago I came across one of your posts and it was about your struggles so I decided to have a look at your journey through SR. It is nothing short of inspirational and have even talked about you to family members you've been to hell and back mate give yourself a chance and some credit.
When I wake up from a heavy night on the booze I'm completely ****ed. I would wake and the noise coming from outside my bedroom is consuming my every passing thought, the little bit of light coming through my curtains is blinding I stuff pillows where the light source is coming from. I was convinced I was going to have a complete brain seizure. I would lie on my stomach but my heart is beating so fast I think I'm going to have a heart attack at any second. When I get up to take a leak I can barely stand long enough to finish thinking i'm just gonna collapse on the toilet, I quickly hide back in my room and am confronted with my head which thoughts I can't even start to explain, am I crazy, this is it you've ****ed yourself this time. Taking 2 5mg valiums don't even start to calm me down the next day. The hangover headache is the least of my problems at this stage I'm battling with my sanity at this point My only thought is to drink another beer to end the predicament I'm in I saw this place many mornings but I kept coming back to this place. I'm beaten, defeated and fed up.
Have you been to this place Lip? everyone here knows your the real thing....
When I wake up from a heavy night on the booze I'm completely ****ed. I would wake and the noise coming from outside my bedroom is consuming my every passing thought, the little bit of light coming through my curtains is blinding I stuff pillows where the light source is coming from. I was convinced I was going to have a complete brain seizure. I would lie on my stomach but my heart is beating so fast I think I'm going to have a heart attack at any second. When I get up to take a leak I can barely stand long enough to finish thinking i'm just gonna collapse on the toilet, I quickly hide back in my room and am confronted with my head which thoughts I can't even start to explain, am I crazy, this is it you've ****ed yourself this time. Taking 2 5mg valiums don't even start to calm me down the next day. The hangover headache is the least of my problems at this stage I'm battling with my sanity at this point My only thought is to drink another beer to end the predicament I'm in I saw this place many mornings but I kept coming back to this place. I'm beaten, defeated and fed up.
Have you been to this place Lip? everyone here knows your the real thing....
IM so buggered off by it ...and I STILL WAKE UP FEELING LIKE I DID WHEN I WAS HUNG OVER >>>>WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT ???
Yes
I have seen the same place that you saw ....
EVERY MORNING
I hate that place
I hate the lack of a sound mind
I hate that I did it to myself
and I hate that I crave and seek out the very thing that did it, to find solace
it is insane thinking
Thanks so much for taking the time to write back to me.
Im sitting up in bed , reading all the encouraging words from people on SR .
My god....Im not that alone after all
thanks again
I appreciate it
L
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
Originally Posted by Lipitor
I have lied for so long , that sometimes I dont even know who i am anymore
I really want a drink ...right now....... I just CANT ANYMORE
L
Originally Posted by Lipitor
Why did you not all tell me that you were liars before this??
I thought it was only me.
What a fake lipitor is ....pretending , while stuggling .
I feel so much better for THIS HONESTY
thank you , friends
L
the weight does not seem so heavy just now
I thought it was only me.
What a fake lipitor is ....pretending , while stuggling .
I feel so much better for THIS HONESTY
thank you , friends
L
the weight does not seem so heavy just now
You have probably read this here somewhere while being here at SR and if not than Let Me Introduce it too you!
Fake IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!
I know that you won't leave and if you do you will end up like me always coming back! Why? Not sure this place is almost like a Magnet once your here you can't escape!
So I see you are still here posting. That is huge in itself. I'm a little different when I say I'm gone I will be gone for a few months or maybe a year. Not sure why I come back other than I miss some people here and like I said it is like a Magnet which isn't a bad thing.
So Give Yourself a Break Today ... If you Give yourself a Break it will help you out a whole lot.
Me Myself, I have to give myself a break a lot or I would be Insane!
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by citylights
I'm new here so I don't know how you presented yourself on the forums, but I can say that alcoholism is a disease of lying--to yourself and everyone around you. It's not who you are it, it is what your disease is. I bet everyone, but everyone on here can relate to that, especially alcoholics like me who hid how much, when, what they were drinking from everyone (or tried to) and lied about it when confronted. That's what we do. It's also an illness of shame, and that shame is actually the demon disease telling you that you're a piece of crap and that you deserve to die, so just go ahead and drink.
But there is no shame in being sick, the only shame is not getting help. The past is what it is--you came clean today, and that seems to me an opening not a closing. I came clean to my boyfriend yesterday about how much I was drinking and when and he, naturally, didn't understand and may have to back away from me as I try to put my life back together, that's why I need sober people for support, and in my completelely unknowledable opinion, so do you. We all do so that we can start to repair our wounded bodies and brains and start to be kind to ourselves. You are worth it, we all are. Not trying to change your mind, just letting you know that I share your feelings about lying, shame, remorse, but I also share the feelings of hope and faith that others on the board give out daily. Peace.
But there is no shame in being sick, the only shame is not getting help. The past is what it is--you came clean today, and that seems to me an opening not a closing. I came clean to my boyfriend yesterday about how much I was drinking and when and he, naturally, didn't understand and may have to back away from me as I try to put my life back together, that's why I need sober people for support, and in my completelely unknowledable opinion, so do you. We all do so that we can start to repair our wounded bodies and brains and start to be kind to ourselves. You are worth it, we all are. Not trying to change your mind, just letting you know that I share your feelings about lying, shame, remorse, but I also share the feelings of hope and faith that others on the board give out daily. Peace.
I came from your heat ..
thank you thank you
How humble I feel right now .
Just when i was so ready to quit, My mind has been changed..
I thank GOD , for everyone here , including you .
Kind regards and thank you so much
L
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: des moines ia
Posts: 362
Lipitor, My name is Ron. Some one else who posted on this thread emailed me the link and asked me to try and help you. Let that sink in a moment........................OK? Now, think about it ! Seems to me this is about as close to a spiritual experience as a lot of us are going to get. Your reading words, voices if you will, coming out of nowhere ! From people you have never met and probably never will. Yet these people care enough about you to accept you just as you are, warts and all. To repeat what others have said; What you've done here today is HUGE !!! Is this a first step ? You bet your sweet ass, pal. You DID IT WITHOUT KNOWING IT !!! I don't know what more proof you could want that somebody somewhere WANTS you to do this !! Please stick around, keep posting, keep reading. You have no idea how many people you have helped stay sober today, how many of those still suffering have you given the courage to do this themselves.
Wishing you all the best, Ron
Wishing you all the best, Ron
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
I hope that will not be the case for you.
There is a saying: "The pain of abstinence is easier than the pain of regret."
Thank you ...That is a perfect comment / quote.
The pain of my regret cannot me matched by anything. Not even the pain of cancer surgery and ongoing treatment.
Thanks , thanks for taking the time to invest a little time in me
I really appreciate it
L
There is a saying: "The pain of abstinence is easier than the pain of regret."
Thank you ...That is a perfect comment / quote.
The pain of my regret cannot me matched by anything. Not even the pain of cancer surgery and ongoing treatment.
Thanks , thanks for taking the time to invest a little time in me
I really appreciate it
L
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by sarah1414
Glad to hear that lipitor! You should stay. Perhaps this opening up to your SR friends is the beginning of a new turn around for you.
Best wishes to you.
Best wishes to you.
L
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
As previously said on this forum and I often hear in my meetings "as drunks, we are the greatest liars and biggest manipulators you'll ever meet."
As the honesty begins... so does the recovery.
I really need you here.
-SPG
Half measures availed us nothing.
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty.
As the honesty begins... so does the recovery.
I really need you here.
-SPG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by ronf
Lipitor, My name is Ron. Some one else who posted on this thread emailed me the link and asked me to try and help you. Let that sink in a moment........................OK? Now, think about it ! Seems to me this is about as close to a spiritual experience as a lot of us are going to get. Your reading words, voices if you will, coming out of nowhere ! From people you have never met and probably never will. Yet these people care enough about you to accept you just as you are, warts and all. To repeat what others have said; What you've done here today is HUGE !!! Is this a first step ? You bet your sweet ass, pal. You DID IT WITHOUT KNOWING IT !!! I don't know what more proof you could want that somebody somewhere WANTS you to do this !! Please stick around, keep posting, keep reading. You have no idea how many people you have helped stay sober today, how many of those still suffering have you given the courage to do this themselves.
Wishing you all the best, Ron
Wishing you all the best, Ron
I really dont understand that I have helped anyone..
Thank you for saying it is huge....It hurt so much . I was ready to leave this place. It hurt to much to admit to people here that I lied , pretended.
the only thing , as I said , that I have left , is , my small sliver of honesty .
And believe me, I dont use it much , it is quite atrophied.
I just dont want to do FAKE anymore.. To say I cant is a cop out..
I just dont WANT TO .
It is energy that could be diverted into box girder bridge building , or learning to play the flute, or split the atom ..
It is really , energy that I could use , to help others.
LIKE ME>
Cant believe i just wrote that .
thank you RON
Lip
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
I've PM'ed you, buddy. Tried to come up a million things to say, but I found this quote, which sums up everything I feel about you today.
"People love others not for who they are, but for how they make us feel."
---Irwin Federman
"People love others not for who they are, but for how they make us feel."
---Irwin Federman
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by StPeteGrad
As previously said on this forum and I often hear in my meetings "as drunks, we are the greatest liars and biggest manipulators you'll ever meet."
As the honesty begins... so does the recovery.
I really need you here.
-SPG
As the honesty begins... so does the recovery.
I really need you here.
-SPG
Yes I will stay .. If it helps you Peter , Ill stay .. So many people have helped me tonight ...It is 2 15 in the morning in Sydney .
Thank you for you post ...
Please stay in touch....and if you dont mind.....where did you get that quote from ???
L
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by newwings
I've PM'ed you, buddy. Tried to come up a million things to say, but I found this quote, which sums up everything I feel about you today.
"People love others not for who they are, but for how they make us feel."
---Irwin Federman
"People love others not for who they are, but for how they make us feel."
---Irwin Federman
Thank you ...Ive observed my mood, slowly , over the evening , without drinking,,,go from aggressive, depressed and apathetic to .................................................. ......slightly encouraged, and now so much more grateful and hopeful..
I KNOW IN MY HEART ..that this would not have happened if i was drunk
It is 2 30 in the morning here in Old Sydney Town.
Thank you NW
Ill check my PMs
I took all my info off , today .
I was ready to walk...
but , the kind words of people who seem , in a sense, just like ME.
well, it has encouraged me to stay a while longer on the forum.
I feel good about it
L
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