Beginning of the end
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Beginning of the end
The writing is on the wall. Now that I am sober, I can see things so clearly.My boyfriend of 5 years has finally gotten fed up with me. He is resentful and hateful. It wont be long. I don't know how I am going to manage the pain of being alone without him and not want to take that first drink. He has kicked me out several times before. I would swear to quit drinking then we would go out to a bar on the weekend and back I was. It was okay for me to drink with him but not by myself. One thing we always enjoyed was going out listening to music together. A year and a 1/2 ago, I went through out patient therapy. I lasted 1 month sober and then he told me I could handle drinking and took me out to a bar. Always his terms. I lost my job last month (not alcohol related). I spent the entire month drunk daily. Ended up in the hospital. Thought I was dying. That was rock bottom. I am quitting this time because I want to. Not because I don't want to be kicked out. We haven't been seeing each other due to our schedules. I am afraid to sleep in the room because all those dark horrible thoughts spin through my head when I can't sleep. I either stay up late and finally go to bed or sleep on the couch. He can't speak to me without being nasty. He has been looking at houses to buy. I know when he finds one, I won't be going with him. Our relationship was toxic from the start but knowing that I have lost both him and alcohol has me in a panic this morning.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 3
" . . . then he told me I could handle drinking and took me out to a bar"
This is not someone who wants to help you with your sobriety, this is someone who wants to control you. The most frightening thing for him is you taking control of your life. Celebrate the new you while mourning the loss of this relationship. Don't rush the mourning, it can take time. But, while doing this, look for the kind of support that will embrace the sober you. This is a great place for that.
This is not someone who wants to help you with your sobriety, this is someone who wants to control you. The most frightening thing for him is you taking control of your life. Celebrate the new you while mourning the loss of this relationship. Don't rush the mourning, it can take time. But, while doing this, look for the kind of support that will embrace the sober you. This is a great place for that.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
That is my plan. For the most part, I have remained positive. I want so bad to stay sober and get my life together. I just need to focus on my sobriety and try not to stress about what is going to happen in the future. If I start drinking again, I will surely die. I would die for my children but no one else is worth losing my life over. I was just having a bad panic attack this morning. First one in 17 days.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by LaFemme 
You are worth living for
I know the break up will be hard but as you said its toxic and when you get to the other side I think you will find gratitude and peace to be free of him.
Hugs!
I know the break up will be hard but as you said its toxic and when you get to the other side I think you will find gratitude and peace to be free of him.Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Someone who loves and cares about you doesn't encourage you to drink after just getting out of rehab. My goodness, that's selfish, harmful behavior IMO. Your doing the right thing by staying sober. Your life will improve and being clearheaded enables you to make better choices for your future.
Getting out of a toxic relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself. It may be painful but it will set you free to meet people who will enrich your life.
Best Wishes To You!
Getting out of a toxic relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself. It may be painful but it will set you free to meet people who will enrich your life.
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Someone who loves and cares about you doesn't encourage you to drink after just getting out of rehab. My goodness, that's selfish, harmful behavior IMO. Your doing the right thing by staying sober. Your life will improve and being clearheaded enables you to make better choices for your future.
Get away from that person! Run as fast as you can. You are so worth it and alcohol has robbed you of that knowledge. I hope you find piece and respect that you so deserve!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: San francisco,ca
Posts: 112
Getting sober without having someone special by your side is not eazy, to say the least. I've been trying to get sober for the past year and have been very single the whole time. On top of that I live by myself and most of my close friends and family live far away.
Having close contacts in aa has made a huge difference for me. Hanging out with these guys and talking to them on the phone when I feel like I'm in limbo takes away the feeling that I'm all alone in this.
It sounds to me like you need a break from this guy, probably for good. For him to say it's ok for you to have a drink, and then get mad, because it aventually led to you going on a binge is insane! Either he doesn't care, or doesn't understand what alcoholism is.
Figure out what you have to do to stay sober. Another out patient program, meetings, this web site, etc. Then stay sober, get a job, get your own place, and then get a guy. I know it's not eazy, because I too am in the process of trying to stay sober, getting a job, getting a place and getting a girl. But I'm sure we can both do it.
Having close contacts in aa has made a huge difference for me. Hanging out with these guys and talking to them on the phone when I feel like I'm in limbo takes away the feeling that I'm all alone in this.
It sounds to me like you need a break from this guy, probably for good. For him to say it's ok for you to have a drink, and then get mad, because it aventually led to you going on a binge is insane! Either he doesn't care, or doesn't understand what alcoholism is.
Figure out what you have to do to stay sober. Another out patient program, meetings, this web site, etc. Then stay sober, get a job, get your own place, and then get a guy. I know it's not eazy, because I too am in the process of trying to stay sober, getting a job, getting a place and getting a girl. But I'm sure we can both do it.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
I have a job now. Actually 2. We spend a lot of time away from each other. Gives him time to stew about how I did and wrong and a reason for him to do what he wants. I have my priories now.
1. Stay sober
2. Regain my relationship with God
3. Work on the relationship with my kids that I blew with my alcoholism
4. Get caught up on my bills so I can move on with my life
5. Meet new people that are sober, encouraging and honest. Be it AA or some other setting
1. Stay sober
2. Regain my relationship with God
3. Work on the relationship with my kids that I blew with my alcoholism
4. Get caught up on my bills so I can move on with my life
5. Meet new people that are sober, encouraging and honest. Be it AA or some other setting
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 144
Originally Posted by lpnangel
I have a job now. Actually 2. We spend a lot of time away from each other. Gives him time to stew about how I did and wrong and a reason for him to do what he wants. I have my priories now.
1. Stay sober
2. Regain my relationship with God
3. Work on the relationship with my kids that I blew with my alcoholism
4. Get caught up on my bills so I can move on with my life
5. Meet new people that are sober, encouraging and honest. Be it AA or some other setting
1. Stay sober
2. Regain my relationship with God
3. Work on the relationship with my kids that I blew with my alcoholism
4. Get caught up on my bills so I can move on with my life
5. Meet new people that are sober, encouraging and honest. Be it AA or some other setting
I think the #5 is going to be important for you as you transition away from the relationship you're in. I hope you find lots of support. You know you have it here, too!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Hi again angel - I recently replied to you in another thread but I had to comment on this as yet again we have alot in common.
My partner of nearly 6 years and I are pretty much finished - we actually split in November but started seeing each other again not long after and although we havent officially got back together again it was almost the same as when we were. Recently its like everything between us has just died and we are now just going through the motions. He isnt controlling like your fella comes across as being but the relationship as a whole has not been good for me in terms of helping me deal with my alcoholism. Now I think we are both just pretending to keep things smooth so I dont go off on one with an excuse to drink again because of a major upset if you see what I mean. I feel like we are both living a lie there really doesnt seem to be anything in it for either of us anymore. Im not sure if I should just end it once and for all or allow things to fade away gradually so as not to rock the (my) boat and risk relapse. We are seeing each other less and less each week.
He is over tonight for my birthday meal (just me and him), Im not sure he wants to be here and I dont know if I want him to although I have made no other plans and if I end up doing nothing at all it may lead me back to the bottle.
I reckon sooner or later (perhaps sooner would be for the better), both of us will be starting afresh as single ladies as well as sobriety. I dont know about you but I have always been uncomfortable if I havent got a man in my life. It scares me. I know time out will probably do me good but the thought that you shouldnt start a fresh relationship with someone new until you have been sober a whole year is really daunting to me - Im not sure I have the strength to go it alone another 11 and a bit months!
Sorry I have been self absorbant again its just your post really struck a chord with me and stuff I have been thinking about alot recently.
PS x
My partner of nearly 6 years and I are pretty much finished - we actually split in November but started seeing each other again not long after and although we havent officially got back together again it was almost the same as when we were. Recently its like everything between us has just died and we are now just going through the motions. He isnt controlling like your fella comes across as being but the relationship as a whole has not been good for me in terms of helping me deal with my alcoholism. Now I think we are both just pretending to keep things smooth so I dont go off on one with an excuse to drink again because of a major upset if you see what I mean. I feel like we are both living a lie there really doesnt seem to be anything in it for either of us anymore. Im not sure if I should just end it once and for all or allow things to fade away gradually so as not to rock the (my) boat and risk relapse. We are seeing each other less and less each week.
He is over tonight for my birthday meal (just me and him), Im not sure he wants to be here and I dont know if I want him to although I have made no other plans and if I end up doing nothing at all it may lead me back to the bottle.
I reckon sooner or later (perhaps sooner would be for the better), both of us will be starting afresh as single ladies as well as sobriety. I dont know about you but I have always been uncomfortable if I havent got a man in my life. It scares me. I know time out will probably do me good but the thought that you shouldnt start a fresh relationship with someone new until you have been sober a whole year is really daunting to me - Im not sure I have the strength to go it alone another 11 and a bit months!
Sorry I have been self absorbant again its just your post really struck a chord with me and stuff I have been thinking about alot recently.
PS x
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Sorry I have been self absorbant again its just your post really struck a chord with me and stuff I have been thinking about alot recently.
PS x[/QUOTE]
No need to be sorry. It is a blessing to know that I am not alone in this. I am a good listener too.
PS x[/QUOTE]
No need to be sorry. It is a blessing to know that I am not alone in this. I am a good listener too.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
That's a great list, lpnangel...... I hate that you're having to deal with relationship stuff on top of early sobriety, but it sounds like you're staying strong and can get through this. I believe you're going to come out on top! 
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
