My Sobriety for Me

Old 05-18-2011, 07:29 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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My Sobriety for Me

Not sure where to start but I need to get this out, I have been really getting in to the recovery thing, but I guess I have been chanting way too much to the people around me, today I was talking to a co-worker about how I relapsed 5 years ago on the 87th day so it didnít count and only had 86 days, well today was the 87th day sober and had a significant meaning because it was the longest I ever have been sober since I have been a drinker.

I asked him what he thought and he simply said he wasnít really listening, heís heard it all before and just kind of zones it out as he apologized then back to his phone texting, I really felt like a drink at that moment, then at home I should have learned but mentioned it to them that it was the 87th day, the one Iíve been waiting on, nothing, and to think back at how I was the one who should change, how they left because of my drinking. I have never felt so strongly about throwing all of this away.

I even had a dream the other night about how I had a bottle of something and was debating on drinking it, I even opened the bottle and smelled it, I finally awoke from this night mare and was relieved it was only a dream, but the feelings this dream put inside me were real, why canít I just have a drink or the whole bottle? Iíll quit again tomorrow! But I know I would get trapped in the vicious cycle and possible never get back out so I must stay sober.

Whew, ok I am calming down, well today is my 87th day sober and if I get to sleep tonight without a drink Iíll have the most days ever sober in a row since I was 15 years old. I just wish my family was as excited about this as I am, I realize they donít think about it like I do so I am going to get on my Ultra Classic and ride a while, then come back and apologize for getting a little steamed.

I guess its true, you gotta stay sober for yourself, not others, if I had been doing it for them it would have ended tonight.

Thanks for reading, I do feel a lot better now, it just amazes me how typing this out can ease my mindÖ
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Old 05-18-2011, 07:37 PM
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I feel for you, it's a real let down when you want to share a really amazing achievement and you get such a distant reaction. He was very rude, actually, and you handled it really well. People who aren't like 'us' don't really get it, how much hard work you put into staying sober and getting to know the new you. But we understand!!!!

Well, I can say I am really really proud of you!!!! I can't wait to be where you are. I'm a lot further behind on my journey, and am so inspired by the people who have that many days under their belt. You are doing an amazing job - don't throw it away on just one person's disinterest. He deserves a good hand slap. There, I said it.
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Old 05-18-2011, 07:58 PM
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i've done my almost
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Hi SB-

If they're not an alcoholic or an addict, it's probably b/c they simply don't get it. They won't understand why its a problem for you, if it's not a problem for them.

It's probably just that simple

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Old 05-18-2011, 09:52 PM
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Do what I did - bake yourself a cake! It was fun to do and more fun to show off the pictures. (You can see my pics on one of my other posts). 90 days is a big deal - every night leading up to it is big too.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:06 PM
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Hey SB

I have cerebral palsy - just as only someone with CP can really get what that's like in it's entirety, I think only a fellow alcoholic or addict can *really* understand what we've been through - and why it's a big deal....

It's why places like SR are here

congrats on those 87 days!
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:33 PM
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Thanks guys, it means a lot, I guess I really need to tone it down some to my family and co-workers; it really isn’t fair to them to have to hear it all the time. In their defense they do bring it up at times asking me questions, I think I should really ‘wait’ for those times to share.

I still have not excluded AA as a choice for face to face, I just don’t know, I mean I really think it will help but I am not that great in getting started in groups. Once I get settled in and know a few people I think it would be great, I just wish I could skip the whole intro part. Has anyone ever joined AA after some sobriety?

I think I might do something special on 90 days, and it’s a Saturday, something I can do alone, maybe baking a cake would be fun, I’m sure mine would be worse than yours SPG, lol, I have been blessed with a great wife that can cook, I have never had to have those skills, could be fun though.

Thanks Dee, your always very supportive and seem to have great wisdom,

I can’t believe I’m still up and posting so much tonight, I am usually in bed by now, Night!
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Old 05-18-2011, 11:34 PM
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Congratulations SB. I think that's awesome that you 've been sober longer than ever. That is absolutely fantastic.

I have no one to share my sobriety with except my parents. They are happy and supportive but I'm not sure how much they understand or just want me to be happy and succeed.
It can be a lonely disease and a lonely recovery sometimes. But we're all here for you and I'm thrilled for you. I think its awesome. And that was posted yesterday so now its EIGHTYEIGHT days. Yay.
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Old 05-19-2011, 04:36 AM
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I agree with new wings, not many people can understand or appreciate the significance of 87 days for you. I relapsed so many times, and have had so many periods of sobriety, but always remember the longest sober time the most. And I think all of us get really nervous when we get right up to that point again.

I've seen your previous post, and really like "your story". What your drinking was like and what happened to you when your daughter was in the hospital really took me back to my exspirience.

When I first started to try to quit, I was doing it all on my own. Finally after many failed attempts I found this web site and went into the chat rooms. On the 2nd day of that I was urged by one of the members to go to a aa meeting. But like you (and most people) I was very reluctent. I did go, and am so glad that I did!

I strongly recomend you go and check it out. You can sit in the back of the room, not say anything, and leave whenever you want.

Or you can be really ballsy about it, and show up a little early. Go up to someone outside of the meeting room, and ask them "is this where the aa meeting's my first one....what's it normally like?" Then in the begining of the meeting when they ask if anyone is at their first, second, or third meeting, introduce yourself, "My name is ..... I'm an alcoholic, and this is my first meeting" Lastly, when they give people a chance to share, don't hesitate or even think about what your going to say. Just raise your hand, and when called upon, tell everyone its your first meeting and a little about where your at in your recovery. If you do all that at your first meeting, your what I call a "Man's Man". Then be prepared to be aproached by other guys after the meeting, introducing themselves and wanting to talk so that they can get to know you.

I'm not good with groops or strangers either, and that intro phase is never fun. You will have to weed people out, like any other social situation, but you will meet other guys that will be so valueable to your sobriety. Once you meet and make conections with them, and they become more then just acquaintances, staying sober will be so much more easier.

One more incentive, there's always free coffee and snacks at the meetings.
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Old 05-19-2011, 04:50 AM
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Expectations of others is something I have had to let go of. They create resentments for me and then BOOM Im drunk.
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Old 05-19-2011, 08:22 AM
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Hey Something,
Now go to an AA meeting and say you have 87 days and why it is significant.
Much different reaction, because they all know and so do we, what a big freaking deal it is!!!!!!!

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Old 05-19-2011, 09:27 AM
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It is a big deal, congrats!! Most people just don't get it, and that's OK...we're not doing it for them...
Somebody once said something that stuck with me...they said, "Alcoholics are the only people who want a medal for running out of a burning building"
It seems to hold true
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:43 AM
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Congrats on day 87 somethingbetter. Your family may not seem excited about day 87 but they certainly would be upset if you went back to drinking. Remember, you are doing this for yourself. How was your bike ride? There is nothing like going for a long ride to clear your head. I don't ride but my boyfriend owns a Harley softtail and cruiser. I love being on the back. My goal is to get my financing in order, buy a bike and take riding lessons. I can't wait. Something to shoot for. Keep being strong.
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