Coping with Formal Occasions
 

I'm now on Day 23, and thought that things were beginning to feel very slightly easier. I coped with a major family problem at the end of last week - but today's challenge has been especially tough.
I am attending an academic conference away from home, and this first evening has included a drinks reception with everyone standing around making small talk and eating hors d'oeuvres with waiters parading round with tray-loads of free drinks like a human conveyor belt, offering inhumane temptation. I'm a serious introvert and know no-one else in the room, so the small talk is hard work. Then we're off to a local pub for something more substantial to eat. More chit-chat and plenty of folks getting nicely lubricated. Meanwhile, I'm feeling fed up and bloated on the back of yet another bottle of pepsi or fizzy water! But I can't leave without looking totally anti-social.
Had to keep reciting a silent mantra: "alcohol is poison" !
'Can't pretend it was easy.
Any tips anyone for coping with social occasions - especially if you're a fellow introvert?
Thanks. AL&J

I know it's not easy in formal social situations. I was a military wife for many years and was involved with lots of entertaining in situations where I didn't know anyone. I didn't drink at all at the time - it was later in life when I began drinking. So, I relied on water most of the time. I'm not big on small talk and mingling, so it was a challenge and I can't say I enjoyed it.

One thing that might help is to arrive late and leave early, if you can.

Hi ALAJ

This was an interesting blog post I read last year - it's about Thanksgiving but I think many of the ideas in it are useful for any occasion and can be adapted.

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

I've found myself much less 'social' since I got sober - I actually don't enjoy mingling with strangers very much but I've accepted that's the 'real' me.

I'm civil and polite but I'm not the life of the party - and that's ok with me now :)

D

I find formal situations tough myself, one thing I have found that helps me is to have a game plan going into them. I always try to keep a beverage in my hand (whatever your favorite non-alcoholic drink is), I try to have an idea of who will be there and who I will talk to and most importantly I ALWAYS have an escape plan.

This is one of the things I have and still struggle with.

I have 2 weddings coming up in the next 6 weeks. One for my brother and one for my best friend which im in the bridal party.

I attended my brothers stag party a couple of weeks ago and found I was full of anxiety. I hated the social awkwardness, the stress of being around everyone else that was drinking, I ended up just wanting to get out of there and left at 10 30pm.

I am now almost dreading the weddings coming up and the receptions to follow.

I am someone who always used alcohol to make social situations easier.

How do I deal with the anxiety of being in these situations?

I need some tips too. I have to go to my girlfriend's brother's wedding in a month. Haven't been in that situation yet...

I just hang with the people I know and focus on having a good time, Carrie :)

D

I would just make an appearance, say hello to a few people and then slip out without giving a damn whether people think I'm anti-social.

Then again, I AM anti-social. :)

Thanks for each of the replies and tips. I welcome any others.
The additional problem for me on the occasion I described in my opening post is the fact that I am representing my school at this conference, so 'professional networking' is part of the deal. So an early escape route was not an option, sadly. However, for more normal social activities, the early escape plan looks like a good tactic. I'll have to start inventing some plausible excuses. Thanks again folks.

I will add that it gets easier:)

I try to strike a balance between acknowledging to myself that it feels a bit weird/awkward and being firm with myself b/c I, the alcoholic am the one making it all about alcohol. Most people there probably don't even care that they are drinking. So I try to keep it in perspective.

Arrive late and leave early is always a good technique. Look around and find someone who is not drinking and talk with them. At weddings talk with the older people, they often don't drink. You could also spend time interacting with the children, they don't drink either.