JumpJump

Hi - - - I posted a few days ago, and received lots of encouragement :-) I'm back because...my initial post didn't tell it all...as I myself hate lengthly posts. Well, I've been drinking pretty much consistently for the last 3 years...and realize that my drinking is a problem. I went to see my psych, and hoped that he would help me, but he just prescribed me anti-anxiety, anti-depression, and mood disorder medicine...as I am prone to all (and have rejected meds in the past). He also recommended that I schedule a session with a Dependence Counselor.....well....that appointment is not until July. Meanwhile, my therapist wants to get me into an outpatient program...of course, that was when I was at least 4 days sober....have since been drinking....along with the Ativan that I take at night for sleep.

On Sunday, my director of my department called...and I was two sheets to the wind....but WTH....I decided to return his call anyway....no idea what we discussed. Of course, I worked from home the next day. Hubby tells me that I can drink, but just "take it slow" . . . he just doesn't get it...and despite my admissions to my illness, he still calls to make sure that I don't want him to pick up alcohol?!?! Totally confusing.

So, at the end of this long post (which again, I try to avoid)....do I really have to reach rock bottom to get help? Why isn't it clicking for me?? At one point, I used to pray to God that He would heal me from this illness...."but Please, Please, Please Dear Lord...make sure I don't get a DUI, or Hurt someone". I've since relinquished the stipulations...afraid of the consequences....but again...do I really have to reach rock bottom to get help??

Dee74

Welcome to SR

I believe our alcoholic bottom is wherever we want it to be, Jump Jump. I drank right until the point of drink or die, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Comitting yourself to sobriety is one thing, but it takes a little work beyond that I think.

A good support network that you use daily, or as regularly as possible, in the early days is pretty vital....the outpatient programme sounds like a good start - have you thought of recovery groups like AA and SMART etc. as well?

D

Bikeguy

You need the make the decision for yourself, no one else can do it. If you do it now you might be able to head off anyone of those terrible consequences, like a DUI, hurting yourself or someone else or losing a job. I would schedule an appointment with a doctor and let them know all the prescriptions you are taking plus be honest with them about your alcohol intake so they can guide you safely through detox. Quitting drinking is a decision I have never regretted and I'm sure you won't either. Good luck and take care of yourself.

Anna

I wish that I had stopped drinking before I got to the point that my family was totally fed up with me. Fear of facing the messes I had made with my life kept me drinking longer than I would have.

I prayed too and I think praying is important, but taking action is important too. You're doing the right things by getting yourself into rehab programs.

least

I quit before anything really horrible happened. If you quit now, before you 'hit a bottom' you'll avoid the pain and upset of alcohol-related problems. So quit now while you're still ahead.

Mida

Hitting bottom seems to be a very individualized thing. I never got a DUI or lost a job, marriage or home... but not recognizing myself in the mirror, going thru life ALWAYS depressed/angry/bitter, living in a private he!! where my main focus was my next drunk, basically just existing instead of living, was bottom enough for me. Like someone else commented, only you can decide when you've reached that juncture.

Hugs and best of luck

EmeraldRose

You don't have to hit bottom to quit. All you have to do is admit that alcohol has left your life unmanagable and you have no control over it once you start.
Although I never had legal problems or thank goodness never hurt anyone, I made my family's life hell and did eventually lose a new job. I seeked help immediately and have been sober for about 110 days now. I find it very easy since I was so ready to quit. It was a long 30 years of lying to myself, buying and hiding booze. Even though I was a stay at home Mom I wasn't always home -if you know what I mean.
Your higher power will heal you when you take action and change your habits and behavior with alcohol. It has to come from within your heart and soul -through your higher power.
My life since quitting has been absolutely awesome. I have a new job and in control over me...over my life...my actions. Its a good thang.
Glad you are here. Wishing you peace and strength.

artsoul

Hi JumpJump - I don't think you have to go through something horrible to decide to get sober. I think you just have realize that it WILLL happen if you don't stop.

So if you're going to stop at some point, why not get it over with? Why wait until you have big problems on top of trying to quit? That's what I asked myself......

Also - I put my trust in what other here were saying..... that it only gets worse, that with some hard work I could do what they did, and that life really could be better without drinking.

indakut

Only by the grace of God that I didn't have something horrible happen to me...I just got sick and tired of not remembering who called, what I said, and doing this EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR NO APPARENT REASON!

Take stock of your life. Can you do better if you stopped drinking?

grateful101010

No one can run your life but you. Just re-read your post - you're always talking about your doctor, another doctor, something "happening to you", your husband. Screw all that. YOU have to do it.

When it comes to drinking, no one lifts that glass to your lips but you. No one. It doesn't happen to you, you make it happen. Anyone who tells you different is getting paid for listening to you (doctor) or an enabler (hubby.) You'll find empathy and support galore her at SR for YOUR effort to stay sober, this other cast of characters is completely irrelevant. You can do it, so do it, you sound like you need sobriety.

MsCooterBrown

have since been drinking....along with the Ativan that I take at night for sleep. Well if you keep this up you will never know your bottom..you could wake up dead. Mixing meds with alcohol can knock your lights out permanently. I used to enhance my whiskey with an OTC sleeping pill..I shudder to think of what I have done to my body over the years.

Hubby tells me that I can drink, but just "take it slow" . . . he just doesn't get it...and despite my admissions to my illness, he still calls to make sure that I don't want him to pick up alcohol?!?! Totally confusing.
I wonder if he doesn't get some type of gratification knowing he has to take care of you. Next time he calls asking if he can hit the liquor store for you..try saying not only NO but HELL NO...I think sometimes we give mixed signals..you tell him you want to stop drinking..yet you continue to drink. I had to get to the point where I wanted sobriety more than I wanted to drink. We all have our war stories..think of your own personal worst and know in your soul you can no longer continue drinking. I wish you well..

susanlauren

I would encourage you to take your therapist's advice and get into a rehab program. Why would you wait until July to see a Depedence Counselor? You could be enjoying the warm sunshine, blue sky, flowers, trees, birds -- all the beauty and wonder of late spring and early summer. And doing all of that sober. Susan

LexieCat

I know I could have sunk "lower" in my drinking, but I was at the point where the pain of continuing as I was outweighed the perceived pain in giving it up. IOW, I was at the point where I was willing enough/desperate enough to do what I needed to do to quit for good.

My sponsor is fond of saying, "Every bottom has a trap door." So, no, you don't have to wait until you hit "rock bottom," but it helps to be tired enough of the consequences of drinking that you are willing to make big changes in your life.

Opivotal

I think everyone has their own bottom. Like the other posters shared. Personally I got so tired of fighting the battle everyday. It consumed my life. I was disgusted with what I saw in the mirror. I was NOT living, I was existing with my only "friend" called alcohol.

I also believe everyone on this earth has a purpose. Drinking myself into oblivion isn't a purpose. It's insanity.

Your the only one that can decide what your bottom is. When you reach that point your decision will be made.



Best Wishes To You!

wander2

Everyone has there own bottom. let this be it. You don't need to keep digging to find a lower one.

JumpJump

Thank you for all your considerate, but yet "real" responses....I really appreciate it. I would have responded sooner, but I have a phobia about logging into forums from work (although I do lurk). I already know that I'm at rock bottom....because all that I want to achieve is prohibited by my alcohol consumption. The problem now....is when to stop. Would love to stop TODAY...but knowing that hubby and I will be spending the night at a casino....unfortunately has me convinced that I will relapse with such an event so soon in sobriety. Any thoughts??

Again - - - I appreciate you all....

ozgoddess

Hi Jump

Like others have said, reaching "bottom" is such a relative concept. What might be bottom for you may not be bottom for someone else. Personally, I wasn't prepared to lose any more of my dignity, self respect or my families respect....to me, that was my "bottom". Sure, I did stupid things along the way too. Things that remind me why I need and want to stay sober.

the other thing I needed to do Jump, in order to recover, was be realistic about my addiction and not put myself in situations where I had an excuse to fail. You are already giving yourself permission to drink by going to places like the casino. You don't have to go. It really is that simple.

Your husband is probably in denial too. And by doing what he does/says he is enabling you. Anyway, I hope he understands soon because I know for myself it was very important to have people around me that were positive about my recovery, including the my SR family here.

Good luck Jump. Keep us posted

Dee74

I wouldn't be going to a casino so soon - especially if you feel you're vulnerable.

I think if we want to stay sober, we all need to make some changes - however awkward they might seem at the time.

I opted out of a lot of social events until I was sure I was committed to staying sober.

D

Eddiebuckle

Rock bottom is when the pain of keeping things the same is greater than the perceived pain of changing.

I never got a DUI, I never lost a job over my drinking, never had medical consequences. But I did reach a point where everything in my life revolved around the next drink, and I hated everything I had become and surrounded myself with. When you reach that point, change is still scary as hell but as they say, when you've got nothing you've got nothing to lose.

And when you reach that point, you can choose sobriety. No-one can do it for you, just as no-one else can know what its like to be where you were. You do it for yourself, with the help of those who have been where you are and made it across that bridge. I found those people in AA. They exist in other places and groups, but that wasn't my path.

Good luck JJ. There IS a way out, but you've got to make the decision and stick to it.

FNB3

Welcome to SR...

Well, if you believe that kooke out in California, I would say The End begins around midnight tomorrow?